Thursday, December 31, 2009

You complete me.

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Single Amputee Looking for Her Missing Part

What's left of me is beautiful, I don't need to be patronized. I'm very self-constius of my missing arm. When I was 16 my boyfriend and I got in a fight. Long story short, he's still in jail and I'm left with the consequences. Just so u know, I'm still kind of attached to him so I visit him about once a month still. Moving on... I'm very educated. I graduated from comm. college so its importunt to me that I find a man as eqaul educated as me. I'm the classy type girl you wanna take to ur mama, not the type to be thrown away after a one-night stand in the back of your crappy yellow Lincoln with torn seats.

If its importunt to u, I'm white. I'm about 5"5'. I'm a very romantic type. I want someone to take me out on a nice, fancy date and treat me like the classy woman I am. I have no kids though I want some. I like sex a lot so I plan on having alot of kids, but that just comes with the teritory ;) Oh yeah, one last thing, I really like God. Like if He were a person, u know, like walking down the street, we'd be best friends. You need to be a Christan, like me and I'm sure we'll get along real good.

No one wants to waste time, so email me your picture and I will send you one of me. I'm looking forward to meeting my true love. <3

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Romance is dead!

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Will help you get green card

Looking to help you get your green card, all I want is the money. I have no issues, good income, no sponsor needed, I don't want anything from you besides money. Hit me up if you are interested.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Shoot for the moon!

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

are you an intelligent artistic squirter? here it goes. Though I know this sounds a little strange to be seeking before knowing someone's personality it seems to be a characteristic I must have to be satisfied in a friendly/ or amorous sexual relationship. Im a SWM with an oral fixation and prefer the ever elusive women who "squirt" or pee when they climax. I do understand they are not the same thing and as long as you have a hair trigger response to oral stimulation/ or penetration which results in a orgasmic fountain it does not matter to me which it is. I like both. While it may seem superficial to seek this out in a potential amorous friend/ partner to me this rare gift typically reflects an openness and clarity in a woman's sexuality/ personality which i find irresistible. Not that this is the only thing Im drawn too; certainly not. I also prefer intelligent, sardonic, artistic types who read and have good hair but truly Im seeking the rare combination of all of these features.The proverbial needle in the hay stack apparently. Either way, I would really like to meet you. Lets talk.

Haha, spell check is telling me "squirter" is not a word. Guess we will have to write to Mr. Webster about that one.

Monday, December 28, 2009

His mom told him he's special

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


Hello there how is every on?Really im looking for some one that does not listen to the same old stuff on the radio.
I want some body thats nice and doesnt like to talk but a bit.I want some one that likes the history channel and descovriy also.
I want sombody that will accept that i will not go to collage because of learning disibiltys in math.
I want sombody that will buy me a drink why does it always have to be me.I rather have a smart girl over me being smart but iam.

I don't think it's math that is his problem...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I'm ready to Seattle down

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

i am looking for pakistani/or/indian.muslim woman to get married-i am - 30

1-- I am looking for a pakistani/or/indian.muslim woman to get married--- ...
2--Age perf--18--30 only no older then that
3--If you are not a(DESI) please dont reply .
4--If you have kids or boyfriend please dont reply.
5--Iam looking for some one to get marriad - islamic halal way inshallha if you are looking for a boyfriend/or friend or just to chat please dont ---reply.
6-- if you are serious and looking for same and wana seattle down and wana get marriad - ,then reply only,
7--if you are looking for rich /cute/ sexy or party drinker/smoker or cheater man please dont hit me up
8--Idont drink/smoke or do any drugs if u do those then dont hit me up.
9-Again i am looking for wife if you are looking for husband for life and your are serious about it then hit me up.
10-please reply with your picture,s and your 411, and race /back ground and city state you live in
11-please tell me what you are looking for. in your 411
13- you must be living in usa america current and rest of your life if you are not in the usa dont reply,
14-If you are picky about your husband like looking wise and you are looking for a super man then dont hit me up and good luck ,
15--i dont go for looks if you are serious and you know what you want in life then reply .
16--I am 5-7 if you looking for a taller guy then dont reply
17--I stay in usa ca orange county
18-no picture no reply if u r serious then send your picture when u respone to this add or dont reply

assalam alaikum-- I am looking for a serious girl to get married [nikah] I am not here for chat or make friends i am here get married only islamic halal way inshalla age-perf-18-30-only- so i f you like my profile and you are serious then lev yr emi,, and num,, i am well mannered and practice sunni muslim. - i dont drink/smoke or do any drugs and i wont some the same -, thanks for reading --wasalam alaikum

Sunday, December 20, 2009

5 start chica

What a classy guy, and what is a 5start chick? Spelling/writing 5 star really isn't that complicated, is it?

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Looking for dat 5start chick!!!

Looking for a cute,sweet female to do some clubin with this weekend.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The magic words every girl wants to hear

Craig's List - London - m4w

Are you a gal with large or unusual nipples? - 32

Hi, I am a 'normal' guy with a good job, wide circle of friends, currently single & never married. I am British.

I have a particular 'thing' about women with large &/or unusual nipples, & would welcome your contact so we might converse with a view to perhaps meeting, then perhaps more. Ultimately I'm look for a relationship & not just a fling!

I'm not looking for model looks, just someone who meets the criteria stated (you dont need to be any kind of physical 'freak', just a little different from the crowd lol).

I am kind, polite, gentle & respectful, & although somewhat uncomfortable about making a posting like this, thought I would give it a go.

Utter discretion is important to me, so why not drop me a line & I can send you my pic & we can talk more.


I just love this picture.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

rich white male seeks black college girl - 50

im seeeking black girl heres my pic send pic and number this is a pic of me when i was younger im the one with blond hair im a record producer

At least he can spell

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Love to meet one skinny ugly woman - 39

I am interested in meeting one skinny ugly woman for LTR NSA interesting times. I am a skinny ugly guy who likes skinny women. I don’t need a wife since I already have one of those. Don’t need drama so if you are a stalker or a psycho or have a stalker bf or husband please keep moving. I don’t promise anything except that I am a nice guy. Curious and would like to know more? Just ask.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Mommy and me

Either he is lying about his mom helping with the ad, or he and his mom are a little too close for comfort.

Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w

♥My Mother Wrote This Personal Ad For Me, So I Could Meet Someone Nice - 33

I'm black (sbm), which probably means I could hit a home run with my ....
I live alone, which probably means you can scream if my .... makes you happy
I'm amazing with my tongue, probably means I can talk to your lower lips
I'm writing in this weird format, which probably means I'm creative
I like black women (sbf), probably means I have a strong ....
I like white women (swf), probably means I don't mind hearing the word "awesome" when my pants come off
I like asian women (saf), probably means I still think I can master this tantra thing
I like hispanic women (shf, latina), probably means I like sex in the kitchen
I like older women (milf), probably means I like women with confidence
I like younger women, probably means I'm at my halfway point, and can still listen to you talk for hours about your ipod playlist, and not shoot myself
I like unavailable women, married, dating, in relationships, probably means I'm old enough to understand
I like shaved genitals, probably means I don't like brushing my teeth with pubic hair
I like pictures, probably means I'm real, and not a time waster
I'm in shape, probably means a 6 pack is visible
I'm bbw friendly, probably means I know what to do with big tits
I'm skinny chick, athletic woman, female with curves friendly,
probably means I'm universal :)
I like myspace links in a response, probably means the quicker we can swap myspace links, the quicker you can come over to my place, and sit on my face...

Real Modest

This guy walks the walk but has nothing to back it up with.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Hello and how are yall doing? I am both well educated and well endowed. I am well mannered and well muscled. I am cultured but also cute. I am extremely busy running my own business but also have time to actually meet in real time instead of playing computer games. I am young and hip yet also old-fashioned as in an actual date instead of just a hook up. I like ladies who are younger and in shape plus very pretty but I have been known on many occasions to fall prey to a cougar or be a milf's boytoy. Desperate housewives love me and gay or bi men druel over me. In the interest of full disclosure I have worked as a nude model (Playgirl magazine, Inches magazine) also as an adult entertainer and even for escort services. I say that just so there are no surprises.

What a stud.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Another Ranter!

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

i am deaf guy who said no babies means no pains

I think that when some people may realize that strong drugs or drink is not good for their health but they take them anyway because their bad feeling keep telling them, if you don't take them then that bad feeling will increase bad feeling in order to trick them into thinking that what if the bad feeling will last lifetime therefore they take them in order to shut up the bad feeling. I think they are tricked by their bad feeling because in reality the drugs and drink are far more deadly bad feeling than natural bad feeling

Now I am talking about having children which I think it's same thing with drugs and bad feeling. Some people may realize that earth is overpopulation and full of pains therefore they decide not to have a baby but their bad feeling keep pressure on them by telling them that if they don't have a baby then they will suffer with more bad feelings, eventually they give up then decide to have a baby. I think they are too selfish with their bad feeling because they should rather suffer with their bad feeling for refusing to have a baby. Because having a baby is more deadly painful than their bad feeling. For from one baby can produce millions of people on earth in the future therefore the pain can be countless.

Sometime they may make a good excuse for having a baby is that "what if my baby can be helpful to painful world" ? But its no guarantee that their child will help stop people from having more babies. No child is guarantee no more children. Why not they adopt a child to help the world instead ?

Some people may say why not I kill myself because I don't believe in more babies. Well, I think I am too selfish to be still alive. Whether I kill myself or not , pain is still wrong. Some people may say I may have more pain than average people but what if they have a baby then that will be double pains than I have because of additional people on earth.

The early bird catches the worm

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Free Sex from studly human male!

Get it while its still awake!

Are we sure it's human?

Fetish Time!

Craig's List - m4w - New Orleans

please pee for me - 28

i realy dont care how you look or if you have a man or anything like that i have a fetish i need to fullfill and now is the time.. im in st. brenard but work through out the metro area.. im 5'7 165lbs short brown hair green eyes fully tattooed.. i do also love to lick pussy and eat ass if that is something you might want also.. you must host or have a place to play.. a pic would be nice but not needed.. i also have other fetishies i like to do so if you are in the mood to hit kick spit or anything things eles to me just tell me or just do it.. i am clean d/d free with a darker side to me that comes out every once in a while.. i open to just about anything and everthing.. put taste me in headline so i know your not any spam.. and please dont flag me im just like everyone eles just a bit kinkier and open

Um no dude, you are not just like everyone else.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Kelly Clarkson!

He is either trying WAY too hard, meaning there is something wrong with him, or he is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Kelly Clarkson in Concert

I have an extra ticket to see Kelly Clarkson in concert this Sunday (the 13th).

Just seeing if there was anyone else around who might be interested in going.

Awesome floor seats. Awesome concert awaits.

If you are interested, send me a pic and a brief description of yourself.

Hope to hear from you soon.

He's got jungle fever...

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Jungle Fever

This Great White Ape has been feeling hotter than usual for the native jungle girls. He is interested in finding one to swing from his vine. Me Jane, don't matter..what's in a name after all?
I love women with athletic bodies and ladies of African descent have such incredible butts when they are of the athletic build. I would love to see my skin pressed next to and contrasted by a lovely dark skin..of course..if you are a cafe' au lait..I love that have been gifted with the perfect tan without the matter what the has its own unique appeal..and I will relish any of them. I only ask that you be of above average looks because I am..and pardon my lack of modesty..but..this is an AD.

Sexaholics Unite?

I first thought he was looking for anonymous sex, but I misread.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Sex anonymous anyone?

Ok, here goes. My wife wants me to go to sex rehab or sex anonymous because she says I am a sexaholic. Is there even a such thing? If there were such a thing would it be like AA? Problem is that I don’t think I have a problem since my equipment is working fine for me. I was thinking, maybe someone out there would be interested in being my support group and go with me. I do think it would kind of stupid though to put others like me in the same room don’t you? I am not a perv or anything like that. I am only interested in ladies of legal age interested in the same thing I am interested in. She says I have too many female friends go figure. All of my myspace friends are females between 18 and 42. Ok, now all the judgmental people out there can kiss my A$$. Then click the little X in the top right hand of your screen. If you feel the same way I do and interested in finding one of these classes somewhere to see if there is someone to convince me that I actually have a problem and should do something about it than please feel free to write me. You can also write me if you just want a good laugh since you and I know I would never attend one of those meetings. I am not interested in joining your religion or praying with you about any crap like that. I am not interested in joining any sites like safegirls, lonely wives club or anything like that since that would only make things worse don’t you think? Ok, now you are laughing! Problem is I am completely serious!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Let's play a game...

Thanks again to reader Anonymous for this one. I bet we will see this ad again in the near future due to lack of responses

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Are You Gonna Be My Girl

Pardon my thoroughness, but I'm sick of wasting time.

Part A is compulsory, while part B is based on points. There is no pass mark, but obviously the higher you score, the better your chances. The final selection will be made purely on merit, so don't try sleeping with me to get an A+.
There is no time limit.

Part A: Compulsory
1. You must be female.
2. You must be between the ages of 23 and 28. This is slightly flexible.
3. You must NOT own or ever consider owning: Crocs, Birkenstocks, those cheesy Mr. Men t shirts, anything in spandex or those godawful Polo shirts with the huge Polo logo on them (unless you actually play polo).
4. English must be your first language.
5. You must know how to use punctuation marks correctly. Especially apostrophe's [sic].
6. Should be implied, but will state it anyway - you must know how to spell. Correctly.
7. You must not use annoying smiley faces in any correspondence, unless absolutely necessary.
8. You must have read a book in the last 2 months. This does not include the Twilight series. I mean a proper book.
9. You must have a proper picture (no tits or asses, please) taken in the last 2 months, and attached to your response. I'm not shallow, just don't want some creepster replying.
10. You must enjoy making out and cuddling as much as [wild/passionate/sweaty] sex.

If you meet all the requirements above, congratulations! You may now continue to part B. If not, thank you for your time and effort, better luck next time.

Section B: Each correct answer is worth 10 points. Look out for bonus questions, each one is worth an additional 5 points.
1. Which band does this post title reference? Bonus question: which classic punk track is the riff "borrowed" from?
2. In which movie does John Cusack play a record store owner? Bonus question: name the author of the book it was adapted from.
3. Pick your favourite pizza topping: parma ham, salami, anchovies.
4. Complete this sentence: My ideal Saturday night is _________________________________.
5. Your favourite hawker centre food is?
6. On planes, which seats do you prefer?
7. Which is the finest single malt you have sampled?
8. If you owned a bullfrog, what would his name be?
9. On rainy days, what would be the ideal activity according to you? You may choose more than one.
10. Coffee or tea?

I thank you in advance for your interest, however only successful candidates will receive a response.

Not what I would do...

Thanks to reader Anonymous for this one. Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Craig's List - Singapore

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Rhyme Time!

Also from reader Anonymous. Sounds like a Backstreet Boys song that didn't make it to an album because it was just that bad.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Are you for real?
Or is this just a dream?
Will you make me sing with joy?
Or will you make me scream?

Are you the light?
That shines so bright...
Will you hold me close?
And keep me warm at night?

I'm just a man
Just an ordinary man
I don't know much
But I'm trying to understand...

Are you, the one?
Are you the gold?
So, bright and bold...
Is that a silver line?

I have to hold...
Will you be my hell?
Pray heavens tell...
Maybe a devil in disguise?

Or an angel that fell?
I'm just a man
Just an ordinary man
I don't know much

But I'm trying to understand...
Are you, the one?

From reader anonymous.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

i'm in flight

i'm running. i'm tripping. i'm hopping. i'm trip-hopping. i'm trying. i'm giving. i'm partaking. i'm sampling. i'm sensing. i'm pleasing. i'm cruising. i'm rockin'.

i'm soaring. i'm high.

i'm falling. i'm fading. i'm hurting. i'm pleading. i'm boring. i'm staring. i'm baring. i'm giving.

i'm restless.

i'm hoping. i'm defying. i'm embracing. i'm reaching. i'm hurtling. i'm conquering. i'm fighting.

i'm still standing. and i'm smiling.

This guy needs to make up his mind. Or kick the drug habit.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Pop goes the...

Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

Make me pop like kettle corn

College student at SMU majoring in Social Work seeks fwb to take my mind off the fact that I have food. I was just sitting here thinking about w broke I am and wondering what I can do for entertainment that doesn't cost any money. Of course sex came to mind.

I just pe my stomach growling doesn't interrupt the festivities. Or - you know ... you could just FEED ME FIRST. I could really go for some Tofu but hey, I'm t picky. Taco Bell works, too. What the , I am currently fantasizing about hitting a buffet.

As for me, I am a 27 y/o, hwp with 32C. Age doesn't matter to me but I expect you to be ddfree like me.

Your pic gets mine. If you're cheap, don't bother replying. I know I'll be so grateful to be fed that I'll do anything your little heart desires. Unless I ate turkey. Then I'll fall asleep and we'll have to try again another time.

KIDDING! Sheesh. You people. ;)

You people? Who is she calling you people?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

White trash boy seeks white trash girl... - 42

Yes, I grew up as white trash in a mobile home. I respect where I came from. I want to meet someone who knows where I came from and can relate themselves. I appreciate what I have now, and want to share in wonderful memories, and create a wonderful future together. Please include pic, and be close-by.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Don't understand this one

Craig's List - Dallas - w4w

Need someone to help me breastfeed

Hey I need some one to help me start breast feeding again .I want to start back lactation I like the way it feel. So if you are ok with that I need some help with this Iam a AA female full size and sexy light brown size 20 to a 22 5'7 Women only Fem only No MEN AT ALL!!!!!! So hit me up soon thanks

Whatever floats your boat I guess...

You decide

Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

looking for a shoe lover

i have over a thousand pair of the sexiest cutest shoes and im looking for a girlfriend to share them with,they are not for sale and im not a shoesalesman and they are all high end brands,i am white 6 foot tall and financially stable and will treat the right woman very well,all types of women are welcome so if you love shoes also let me know,i am not a crossdresser i just love womens shoes and this is for real and i really do have over a thousand pair

So this guy has over 1,000 pairs of women's shoes but does not cross dress? Either he is a thief or a creep. Or both.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I gets no respect!

I am well known as a Grammar Nazi, but a particular pet peeve of mine is spelling. You can change the entire meaning of a word by misspelling it, and in this guys case, a sweet, honest guy becomes a an asshole by fault of one letter.

Tired of BS (nola)

Date: 2009-11-25, 1:51PM CST

I would just like to meet someone without alterier motives. Hopeing this finds its way to some real people. Im a good guy, brutely honest, sarcastic sence of humor, ride a Harley, not to hard to look at I guess, 46 yrs old but most people guess me at 36, 6'3" bald, blue eyes,average build, 235 lbs, young at heart, usually dating girls upper twenties and thirties, petite to average I smoke and drink, like to have a good time as much as i like staying home. your pic gets mine
You know what they say: "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife!"
It's unfortunate that most women in New Orleans are delightfully plump. But there ain't no shortage of ugly.

skinny ugly woman wanted - 45 (uptown)

Date: 2009-11-27, 7:05PM CST

Would like to meet a thin woman in the uptown area. Just kidding about ugly. Unusual features a big +++ large nose , big mouth all great. Wold like to chat on-line before meeting. Any age and race ,well almost any age.
I'm serious about thin.... no bbw' curvy..... you know what I'm talking about!

Enjoy the multimedia accompaniment!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Take my virgina, PLEASE

I don't know if the desperation pushes girls away because it might a chicken versus the egg kind of thing. But girls aren't that picky, and if he hasn't made it yet, he will be the next 40 year old virgin.

TAKE MY VIRGINITY - 25 (Covington)
Date: 2009-11-27, 9:01AM CST

Is there a decent girl out there interested in taking my virginity? I'm not a super ugly guy or anything like that. I just happen to be shy and not good at meeting girls. I don't have much experience with girls at all and I'd like to find a decent girl to take my virginity. It can be on your terms, we don't have to just meet and have sex. We could be friends first or whatever your comfortable with. I'm just sick of being a virgina and not knowing what its like to have sex. If your interested please e-mail me and I'll be happy to provide you with some pictures of me, I'm not fat, ugly, overweight or anything like that. I'm just a single virgin guy who's sick of all my built of sexual frustration wondering what its like to have sex. Maybe I put sex on too big of a pedistal but I'm really sick of not ever doing it. There has to be a decent girl out there who's interested in teaching me about sex. And please be real, I don't want a bunch of e-mails from spammers, although I know thats going to happen anyway, I'm not joining any stupid websites. I also posted this in casual encounters, I wasn't sure where to post it.

Last frist kiss?

I thought he just made a typo but it seems he wants a last frist kiss not a last first kiss. Dumbass. Not as cute when the guy can't spell the word first.

Craig's List - Cleveland - m4w



Friday, November 27, 2009

Buffalo Bill wants YOU

I was alarmed enough not to be able to tell WHAT he was in his pics, but he rambles on and on in his profile and I just keep thinking he'll end up all "it puts the lotion on it's skin..."

From OKCupid
Age: 20
I am a young physicist, a virgin :( w-t-f.., and MAJORly Random ^^b.

My Self-Summary
I dance well, I dance in public, put a beat on and I'm moving.I do it for the exercise and fanfare, I'm also honest.. cause I don't give a fuck. (:<>

I'm random, thoughtful, all over the place. Then I'm not. I am expressive. And I am sensitive. Artistic. Musical. Sometimes Activist, Always LovingLooking to live the fullest....any way possible. I run around in my big yard (an oasis in the ghetto), play with my yorkie-like dog, and jump in the cheap swimming pool towards the back of the house (I love the outdoors) and I await like-minded people.
What I’m doing with my life
trying to see past egos, without becoming prideful, and doing the best I can to be the me I'd prefer to be.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how baby soap eats bacteria up for breakfast.
how when you are in the bath your heart is operating differently as it is in a weightless enviroment.
how the human body copes with stress.
how we are 1 heart beat away from death.

She's baacck

She's baacck. Guess she didn't find the sailor who likes ducks and jeeps, so she is on the prowl again.

Oh yeah and now she thinks she's a poet.

Craig's List - New Orleans - w4m





Like many tv shows who become wildly popular in their first season and the producers want to take advantage of this popularity so they take a break and re-run older shows, NO WONDER YOU'RE SINGLE would like to also take you back to some of our older but fun posts.

It's me, the one you have been waiting for.
I need a place to chill for a spell. I do have a job but I spend all my money on bills and have recently hit a bit of a rough patch. If women can ask for cheap rent because they are dancers in the FQ then I can surely ask the same because I know how to please a woman; and I do KNOW HOW TO PLEASE YOU....

Read the rest of our Part time Lover's ad!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Piece of meat

Not even hiding the fact he sees women as pieces of meat - but since it is Thanksgiving, you ladies are turkey meat.

Craig's List - Cleveland - m4w

Turkey day, pass the white meat please- 40

Ok, turkey day is here, I am looking for a semi plump breasted female, must have nice thighs and good looking legs, need you to be a squater so I can gobble gobble all day and night, inquire within, please put "sqatters have fun" in the subject line, or else...................


I think she is a liar. Or is looking for a drug dealer.

Craig's List - New Orleans - w4m

I AM 18 Seeking a Successful Older man 50-65

I am a beautiful 18 year old girl who attends Delgado college seeking a successful older gentlement between 50-65. I have my own job and car. Don't need any material things. I just like to know that I am with someone who like say "own's their own business". Maybe a $100 per week allowance would be the max.

I am looking for a relationship long term and marriage. I live in Gretna, 5'8 blonde hair brown eyes, 135.

Happy Thanksgiving!

What is this jibbering about limitations and being perfect? I especially like that, for some random hanky panky, this girl must be smarter than his friends. From the looks of it, that wouldn't take much.

Craigslist-Melbourne/Space Coast

Looking For Miss Right Now - 29
Date: 2009-11-25, 11:15PM CST


About myself:
I'm 29, 5'8, blue/green eyes, shoulder-length dirty blonde hair, and 220 pounds.
I'm in town for Thanksgiving. I need a break from my family.
I'm nearly perfect in all the right ways but recognize my limitations in all the wrong ways.
I'm smarter than most of your friends.

At least 27 years old and less than 42.
Send me a witty email with a picture of yourself. I will return the favor if I'm interested.
Be smarter than most of my friends.

If you just need a break from everything too, write me with the CL email. Yes, I'm real and just looking to make a social and maybe physical connection.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Who says guys can't commit?

Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

Marry me 1 Jan 2010

This is an absolutely serious post. I will marry the first woman I find attractive (I find a broad variety of woman attractive, don't be shy). So, send me a reply with 'Yes' in the subject line and a picture. I've decided I want to be married, this will be the last and only marriage I will enter and it will be until we've grown old and past on. Yes, I have a great job. I can be romantic and loving. Is this a crazy idea...yes. I think it will work ;) Want to move in right now? We'll get married 1 Jan 2010.

I want to see into your soul

Craig's List - Austin - m4w

My Soul - 666

I am sick of my fucking soul, I want to just let it go
tired of searching for nothing and finding shit inbetween
judge me before you know me?
maybe a fucking simple request is too hard
a girl, any girl, someone to hold, to lean on (not to take care of me), so someone to spend time with, no judgement, no rules as long as over 18 and under 30, open mind. Someone looking for the same thing. I like to take care and spend time and talk and so on... jobless, whatever, I don't fucking care. I just want a soul to stare into. I am not shallow, I could give a fuck less about anything. I would prefer no kids though, not that I don't like them, I love kids and want my own someday. I don't drink, don't smoke (anything) and I don't care if you do.
I need to feed my soul or just fuck it away and end everything.

Special Edition: Find love where you can

The Japanese are now completely out of control. Some a-hole is now marrying his virtual girlfriend.

not actual offender

Since the girl doesn't really exist, SAL9000 reportedly took his Nintendo DS to Guam for a legal ceremony and honeymoon, and will livecast the upcoming wedding reception online, reported.

Geeks everywhere are rejoicing.

Milk it does the body good

Usually these ads come from guys wanting this...

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Curious about Adult Nursing Relationship - 39

SWF Curious about what is involved in establishing an adult nursing relationship. I have never nursed .
I seem to have a desire and have been doing some research and found that it is possible even if you have never nursed before to induce milk through suckling sessions.
I have always enjoyed having my breast sucked deeply, massaged and biten and it would be nice to have a relationship with someone where this could take place and not lead to sex.

This is purely a relationship based on comfort a man finds in breast-feeding and takes patience for milk to be induced….no sex correct?

Just Add Daddy!

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

................"Ready Made Family".................... - 40

Hello Ladies,

I'm going to keep it real, simple and straight to the point! I can't have any children of my own so I'm looking for a ready made family ( just add daddy ). Yes, all of my plumbing still works but I'm not exactly a marathon man when it comes to sexual intimacy. I can give you foreplay galore but actual intercourse hmmmm three to five minutes tops! No, I'm not ashamed to admit it. It is what it is!
I'm a very simple low key guy that's not hard to please, but........."You must be able and willing to cook!" I prefer that you stay at home and take care of the home but if you decide to work, let it be part time.
As far as children are concerned, I can be accepting and provisional for up to three ( more if they are well behaved and respectful ). Don't take this personal but I refuse to even consider a woman who has unruly children! They don't have to be little angels but they must at least respect YOU!
I own a business (my own) and can provide for a family of six (two adults and four children) and have even found several family health insurance plans with reasonable rates and copays (I don't do welfare) so as you can see, I have been doing my homework. Oh, I almost forgot............If you have any other family members living with you (other than you and your children) " No deal!"
This is a real add for a real woman so please.....................think long and hard before you respond! Responses with pics will get first priority. This post will be deleted once I've found YOU.


P.S. If You've read this post completely, please type " just add daddy" in your response subject bar. If you don't, I will think that you are spam! Thanx.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sail Away with Me

Craig's List - New Orleans - w4m

Seeking Sailor

seeking 43 old sailor that likes jeeps, ducks and me
WHY DUCKS? What have ducks ever done to attract her attention?

No Love Required

I love how all these gold diggers write "I'm not materialistic" then go on to explain how they like nice things.

Craig's List - New Orleans - w4m

I Know What I Want (pics) - 22 (With you)

Hello gentlemen,

Please excuse my forwardness. I'm young but I know what I want and what I have to offer...

I am looking for an older man, between the ages of 40 and 55, who is lonely and looking for the company of a younger woman on a regular basis. You should be friendly, outgoing, wealthy, dependable, generous, masculine, genuine, and an all around good person. Although I am employed, I'm looking for a man that can take care of all my needs and wants. I'm not a materialistic woman... I have more important things to worry about. School starts January 12th and the bills are stacking up. I'm tired of not having money in my pockets even though I work hard. Plus, I'm tired of staying home when I could be enjoying the company of someone special. You should be as sexually liberated and capable, as I am.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

El Jefe

Some people say that they like a woman who knows what she wants, but this reads more like a list of demands from a hostage taker than a personal ad. I guess she's banking on someone developing Stockholm Syndrome. I especially like when she mentions that she really likes baked goods. Classic. Nobody doesn't love Sara Lee!

seeking black dyke with good credit - 23 (NOLA)
Date: 2009-11-16, 10:58AM CST

Please be: -body confident -body positive -well read, particularly in sexuality and gender theory. -please like the fact that you're queer. if you're looking at the w4w ads on craigslist, you're probably a big fat homo. -have good credit -be comfortable with topping and being topped. i never know how i'll feel from day to day, and i don't want any bullshit from you. about me- -i'm femme now, but i've been butch. in another few years i might go back. i don't personally ascribe to the public perception of butch/femme couple, but i really find that the minds and bodies of butch women align closely with my own. i also really like being the pretty girl on the arm of a strong woman. -i would like to buy a house in the marigny, a mini cooper, and a great dane. this is why you have to have good credit. if you do't you'l drag down my credit rating and i'll slowly start to resent you and find passive-agressive way to make your life hell. -i really like baked goods. if you can bake, that would be great. -people who chew loudly, folks who have bad manners, and people who construct themselves as sovereign subjects need not apply. -please don't lie to me. especially where our sexual relationship is concerned. you can do what you want (and do whomever you want) -i will keep you well fed, well dressed and well fucked provided you keep me in kinky orgasms and small presents. i like little gifts. i like to feel cared for. in exchange, i will give my heart and soul and your life will run like a well oiled machine. -please don't argue with me about stupid shit. i like things a certain way. hard limits: -don't fuck up my shit. i cannot fault you if your upbringing did not provide you with tools to care for household things. mine certainly didn't. however, i am really close to my 1200 thread count sheets. please don't spill anything on them or wash them with bleach. i own a set of le creuset dishware. please don't use them as your vessels for whatever fucked up culinary bastardizations mac and cheese you come up with. unless, of course, you can actually cook. in which case, knock yourself out. -be nice to my friends and they'll be nice to you too. if they blow on you, it's not my fault. you have to deal with it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Special edition-I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker...

And the ladies love guys who love ONLINE POKER. As if his situation isn't lame enough, posting a question on Yahoo cinches it.

I like these. We'll be seeing more of these special editions.

How much does she charge?

Submitted by Anonymous

This is either a fake ad or someone with a very low iq. First, she posts in the m4m section. Then she states she is 33 but in the next sentence states she is 17. Then we get a poem. But then she mentions that she puts out really easily, so I'm sure she's getting a lot of replies.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4m

Hi! - 33

I'm seventeen, and I'm new here today.
The village I come from seems so far away.
All of the boys know much more what to say.
But I know I have a heart like the sea.
A million dreams are in me!


Just looking for interesting guys whom I can hang out with, whom to play with, whom to have sex with, and whom I can share some idle time with.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Thanks again to reader Anonymous for this submission (and others to come). Anonymous writes: "Perhaps the reason she can't find a guy is that she's too full of herself. 'People thought (sic) that I'm an angel'. 'I'm Asian Catherine Zeta-Jones' and is too fussy. Or maybe it's just the bad grammar... would turn any intelligent person off."

So true anonymous, so true.

Craig's List - Singapore - w4m

Living in the Heaven on the ground - 29

I don't think I'm lack of suitors or I'm too ugly for guys.
This site looks fake and those hanky panky types of persons love it that much.
I don't believe if i could find a true love here, or at least a genuine friendship.

Well, I just think to give myself a chance to write something.

Above average height, Asian Chinese rooted, good shape. More Pan- Asian look, people said I 'm Asian Catherine Zeta Jones.Grin.
Highly educated and running my family business.
Like golf and car racing, flying and diving,etc..My parents had brought to this "Gold "spoon family .
My family are close to the richest King in the small , rich country, which is in between the borneo Island.

People thought that I 'm an Angel. Good heart and genuine. I burnt millions for charity, and unlucky people........
I don't think I want to write everything here.

Thanks again to Anonymous for this submission.

Craig's List - Singapore - Casual Encounters

Seeking couple or woman for fun times with sexy european - m4mw - 36

Good looking discrete 35 year old guy looking to play while in Singapore on business. I am in Singapore from the 13th - 18th of November and I am staying at a nice Orchard Road Hotel.

Looking to meet couples for threesome or single woman for fun times. Age, Race, looks not important just someone who is looking for fun.

I am a really down to earth, not pushy, fun guy.
I am good looking, HWP, 6'1, large cock and nicely trimmed.

The picture was just too hilarious not to post. Who gets turned on by happy ass cheeks?

Smells like ass

Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


My first girlfriend back in junior high school would not allow any kind of sexual contact with me due to her religious believes. However, she would allow me sniff her panty's and butt while I masturbated. I ended up getting a fetish for sniffing the butt's of females.

Now, I'm a regular guy with a irregular fetish. If you got a nice booty and would not mind me sniffing it I could help you with a few bills in the process.

I'm not looking to go through the whole E-mail tennis exchange. I'm serious and you should be too if interested. Please include a few photos and location if you are interested.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Swallowed a bitter pill

I get it dude, you are bitter about the way your life has turned out. This is not attractive to the ladies. You say no one is telling you the truth? Well, I will. It's you, not them. So calm down.

Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w

So how much do I pay you?

Seriously, I feel like I have to shell out cash just so I can find a girl who I can talk with, someone who I can lean on, someone who I can take out to the movies or to go out and eat somewhere.

I have to find a hooker just so I can have someone around me, someone to hug, or to listen to music with. I'm not interested in sex, I don't care about it, I don't want it, I just want to find someone finally. I want a girl to who will tell me what I'm doing wrong, be up front and honest with me. Am I scummy? Am I coming on too strong? Am I not James Bond enough for you or something? Am I ugly? Is there no chemistry? Why do women have to play these games and dance around what's on their mind, only to block or ignore me or never return my e-mails later?

I don't stalk, I don't press for information, I don't e-mail you if you don't e-mail me, I ask a lot of questions to keep the conversation moving, sure, it's a nervous habit in fact... but fuck, if we're doing something wrong, TELL US OR WE'LL NEVER LEARN. I thought women loved to change guys? CHANGE WHO I AM. I don't give a shit, I just don't want to be alone anymore. I'll be whoever you want. Knights in Shining Armor don't just ride along, they're shaped. Shape me. I'll do whatever you tell me to do. I don't care if I sound desperate anymore, I'm being real for once- I'm not putting on an act to seem like I'm cooler than I really am. I know I won't get a damn response to this either, but fuck it at this point.

Let's Get Physical

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Get me in shape - 26

I am a mwf, looking for a man who can help me get into shape. I am over weight and need help and can offer favors in return for each pound I loose. I know how this sounds, but I used to have such a beautiful body, and I want it back. I can't do it on my own. So email me if you are interested. Please send info on weight loss experience. Type weight loss in the subject line.

Description of me
red hair, green eyes, 5'2, 208 lbs, white, with a great smile, and very sensual

I wonder what happens if she gains weight. Do you owe her favors?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The cruder the better.

Interesting way of putting things.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

willl u hold toilet paper while i take dumps - 50

want a devoted women

Definitely not creepy

With all the spelling errors he has made, it is hard to believe someone handed him a degree and someone else pays him money to work as an engineer.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Engineer seeking adorable live-in-blond-gf with love

Can not be more honest
Posting is real and some am I
Hope you are real
Add pretty much sums it up
Do you mind a guy who would love to spend time with you
Doing things with you
Do you mind a guy who pay you alot of attention and affection
Then you want me
LOL If you look hot in a string bikini I will move you in now
and ask you to marry me on XMAS

Friday, November 13, 2009

Special edition-Because 911 is a joke

While some of the best posts come from typical dating sites, we should not forget those condemned to singlehood that expose themselves through every day outlets. When your desperation reaches this low, you deserve some sort of award.

Florida man dialed up cops from shower "to have some fun"

NOVEMBER 12--Meet Joshua Basso. The Florida man was arrested yesterday after allegedly placing a series of obscene 911 calls during which he asked a female operator about her breasts and whether she would have sex with him. When confronted by cops, Basso would not say whether he was masturbating while talking to the operator, as he claimed during the calls, according to a Tampa Police Department report. The 29-year-old rooming house resident admitted placing the calls, but "did not think he would get in trouble for calling 911." That miscalculation resulted in Basso being charged yesterday with a misdemeanor count of misusing the 911 system (he was booked into the Hillsborough County jail, where the below mug shot was taken). Asked why he chose to dial 911 from among "all the numbers he could have called," Basso told police that his LG cell phone was out of minutes and he "called 911 because it was free." An excerpt from one of Basso's calls--which he placed while a shower was running in the background--can he listened to via the above link. Basso appears to be pleasuring himself while an operator diligently tries to obtain his address.

The full story, police report AND audio clip of the idiot's phone call are on The Smoking Gun

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Because phlebotomy is where the money's at

This whole ad is mind-numblingly odd, from "dark brown skin and whatever else comes inbetween that" to buying the house in his name only. Somewhere between calling his car "blow" to saying he's really good at eating, I decided he was crazy.

OkCupid, Baton Rouge
I am Crazy, Smart, and A Beast.

My Self-Summary
Well, my name is Krisstpher, but you can call me Kriss....I'm about 5'11" - 6'1", 220lbs, dark brown skin. and whatever else comes in between that. I love shooting pool, gambling, cooking, and yep....eating it(food that is). I work in the medical field(plasma collecting)so I can deal with blood guts and all dat kinda stuff.
What I’m doing with my life
Living it to the fullest baby
I’m really good at
Eating, driving over 100mph, smoking, cursing, rapping, making people laugh till they stomachs and jaws start hurting.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Damn he's black"
"He looks like T-Pain" (I still don't see that one though)
"His hair is long"
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Too many to name, chill with me one night to find out
The six things I could never do without
GOD, Da Fam, SMOKE E.N.T, money, my friends, and Blow(the name of my car)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Money and girls, making more money, buying a beautiful home with lots of money to have a beautiful girl to live there with me(of course the house will be in my name, not yours hun, sorry)...and definitely buying a Bugatti Veyron 16.4(about a $1.8 million car)
On a typical Friday night I am
Open to suggestions, but usually on da boat playing poker, smoking up a storm and having fun.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
Got me on dat one.
You should message me if
You're feeling me from Da Roota to Tha Toota, or you just wanna get to know me.

A Man About Town

I left some stuff out of this ad because it was all too long to post. There's a link below if you want to learn more about this guy. After all, he's met with Gandhi AND Martin Luther King Jr.!

OkCupid! - Los Angeles - m4w

I am hungry, horny, and STD Free!
I am a sweet and caring man, raised near the foothills of a mountain that was not bareback in any way and had all sorts of beautiful shit like trees, snow, and cute bunnies. There was some bad animals in the mountains too, you know the ones that ate the bunnies. That part kind of sucked, but hey, life's not all rainbows and orgies right? That reminds me of something my dad used to tell me. He would say "Son, if you wan't fair, join the boy scouts." Which I thought was kind of a dick thing to say, but then he didn't even let me join the boy scouts. But you know what? I think one of the kids ended up getting molested, so I probably dodged a bullet. Thanks Dad.

I’m really good at
My mom tells me I am good at whatever I set my mind to. I know all the states by heart. Wherever we are in Los Angeles, I could find you a gas station super quick just from memory. Which comes in handy sometimes.Oh, and I am good at sex, so if you want to do that. We can do that. Unless you are fat or something, then probably not.

The first things people usually notice about me
My bulge, I'll be honest, I do stuff my pant's but women wear padded bra's so I think it's only fair right? But I use one of those novelty dildos so it still looks real, cuz girls can totally tell when it's a sock or something. That doesn't even look real. And if you get a lap dance, they are going to know IMMEDIATELY. But with the big dildo, when the girl is rubbing on your lap, they might get impressed with how big it is and then say something nice about it. Even though its not real, it still feels nice to hear good things about my dick.

The six things I could never do without
My dick, lets be honest. I mean we can pretty much cut the list down to just that. But I guess if I have to name more, I would say: Burritos, threesome porn with two girls and one guy cuz that shit is awesome, Jack Daniels, Beer, 18 year old girls that don't know any better. Is that 6, shit that was easy.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I always wondered about if I went to prison, would I be one of the dudes getting gang raped, or would I be one of the dudes gang raping? I am hoping there is a third option because I don't really like the idea of either of the first two options. But it seems to be a common theme in all the movies about prison I have seen. I think that might be why I don't really like watching prison movies.Anyways, I would hope that if those are the only two options, I would be one of the gang rapers. But that still makes me a little sad. I don't want to go to prison.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I don't like Mexican people. I don't hate them or anything, and if you are a hot mexican chick, I'll still do you. But as far as a group of people go....I am not a big fan. I don't wish anything bad on them, I just would rather not hang out with them. They just annoy me with their Mexican ways.
You should message me if
If you are hot, and like doing it, and like drinking. It would be even cooler if you are down for anal because that shit is tight... no pun intended.

There is such a thing as TMI

Craig's List - Houston - m4w

What about me?

Ok, so I'm not the most physically attractive man in the world. But ladies, use your imagination and when we finally meet in person, I'll appear to look just like Brad Pitt (this requires intense imagination and visiualization on your part)

I also have a slight gas problem - and I'm not talking about high prices at the pump. But I usually use the old "cough and push" method. This means when we're at the movies, I cough real loud and simultaneously push out a load of gas, it works perfectly, except once time my timing was off and it was a little embarassing but I'll just look over at you and let you take the blame. I was in Antartica once and it was like -25 degrees, I had a gas attack and left a visible trail behind me just like the planes do way up in the sky! Ass pimples, yes they do exist!! Acceptance is the first step in the cure, which usually requires about a gallon of clearsil (tinted)

So, ladies there you have it. As you can see I'm one hell of a catch!

If this is what he is telling us, what is he hiding?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sex sells

Free lawyers? Ha. Even she knows better - that's why she offers non-monetary payments...I wonder what her case is. I'm guessing prostitution.

Craig's List - Houston - w4m


Hello I am looking for a free lowyer to help me,in small case.I dont have much money to pay, is why I am in the CL. I hope I can found someone to really take care my case in the court house.i will found the way to pay ,too thank you, if you replay make sure you are a good lawyer,if you are not a lawyer please dont waiste you time. thank you.
by the way I am very good looking lady.:)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Somehow he has accessed a computer

Long but worth the read. I was going to edit it down, but I don't want you blaming me for this guy not making any sense. It's all him.

Craig's List - Houston - m4w

christian - 43

Is it improper to be homeless and still believe God to meet his future wife?

I am not ashamed to be homeless because I was laid off from three jobs in a row and so I had to figure out our economy.

Our country has fallen and we have not listened to our founding fathers.

22:28 Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set.

thomas Jefferson said, "The central bank(Federal Reserve) is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the forms and principals of our constitution. If the american people ever allow a private bank to issue our currency our children will wake up homeless."

You see the federal Reserve lowers interest rates flooding our economy with money. Why? Because people borrow it in to our country."

So what does God say about borrowing?

Deuteronomy 28 says, "If it comes to pass that you hear my voice and obey me commands then blessed you will be you will lend to many nations and not borrow."

You see we are a borrowing nation. We dont trust the Lord so we borrow to get what we want.

Henry Ford said, "If the american people understood our banking system there would be a revolution by tomorrow mourning." Why did he say that?

Banks counterfiet money. Thats right its called fractional reserve banking. They can loan out 10 times more than what they have in reserves.

This is why they fail it is dishonest. So because of this system america voted in the federal Reserve. like people like government. American borrow now we have a government that borrows.

God said, "If it comes to pass that you do not hear my voice and obey my commands then cursed you will be. the stranger that is in your midst(federal reserve) will rise high above you he will lend to you and you will not lend to him and this curse will pursue you til you are destroyed."

So america does not listen to Gods voice and we have removed our fathers landmarks. Our fathers warned us of the central bank and we didnt understand.

I dont know when and how I am going to get out of this homeless position. I do know one thing, God told me I was going to do a lot of walking, be a good pastor and have a beautiful marriage.

If there is any woman that doubts my understanding go tell your dad about me and ask him if I know what I am talking about. God has given me alot of insight in the area of government and I have experienced much of wisdom.

Gigolo FAIL

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

just a gigilo - 22

lonely ladies your prayers have been answered.

this young stud will keep you company on a special evening promising entertainment and satisfaction.

donations will be accepted to help for the holiday season. so sugar mama's, this is your shot.

if interested, respond and we shall go from there

I was just ummm reading your shirt

Craig's List - Austin, TX - m4w

WTD: Woman with FAKE BOOBS

Would love to find a cute single slender woman with big fake boobs between the age of 28 and 38 that likes to drink GOOD beer, has some brains, and likes to have fun.

I'm a stable (full time job), good looking guy, that likes to have fun--living in 78704

Serious replies only!!!


It rained all day Sunday in Austin--been a decent day today.

Owning a beer maid costume gets you big time bonus points

Reformed strippers welcome.
Sorry, but single mom's are not acceptable.

p.s. slender girls with big REAL boobs will be considered.

We got the message dude. Boobs, real or fake. The bigger the better. No worries about personality, commonalities, future building. Sounds like a winner to me!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Bagpipes and Break-Ups and Disaster, Oh My!

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Hi there, I'm seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Terry, I live in New Orleans, La, I'm well educated, play the bagpipes, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I'm told I'm fairly good looking, but I'll let you be the judge of that from the pictures I've posted up - I'm generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we're lucky - both!

You should:

* be 30 to 55 years old;
have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;

* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;

* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and

* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:
* with nice smiles;

* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and

* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I'm getting excited just writing them!), please don't hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best,

ps This advert is in recognition of the big neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can see except me.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Craig's List - Savannah - m4w

Handicapped? - 22

Im looking for a hearing impaired girl, or an amputee.
Lets hang.
Also, plz be hot.
Send pics.

Why one or the other? What if she is both? Is that considered hitting the jackpot if she is missing a limb and can't hear?

A proposition, but not really THE proposition

So much wrong here. He uses flowers in the title. This ad is not one about love or anything that should have flowers. Read on, you will see what I mean. He's talking about a place where the sun don't shine. No flowers there!

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

❀❀The Proposition❀❀ - 35

I know this is the wrong section for this request but figured what the hell. My girl won't give me anal sex. This ad is a request for a female that will. I'm not looking for a relationship just a woman that will give me anal when I want it. I prefer this to be an ongoing encounter and not a one night stand. YES, I will even dish out the dead presidents just as long as it's a reasonable fare for us both. So if this interests you and you can be discreet and know how to handle it in your butt then you need to contact me as I am only looking for ONE female! Sorry absolutely NO BBW's or any women over 160 pounds.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ugh another poet.

Some advice for those placing personals. Don't try too hard to come off smarter than you are. This is the easiest thing to spot. Especially when the personals ad is put into poetry form. This time I will present you with a haiku - courtesy of reader Anonymous and whoever placed this lovely ad.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

a/s/l? 39/m/usa, swm, vgl, ddf, nsa, fwb...

Internet intros...
Facts and figures can't describe
Who we truly are

My words caught your eye
What might these *sparks* of intrigue
ignite? Let's find out...

Take a chance, shall we?
Like minds can bridge the abyss
Strangers become friends

My haiku greeting
Can simple words say enough
to inspire your reply?

The Grammar girl's nightmare

Looking For The Right Woman - 30 (New Orleans)
Date: 2009-11-05, 3:31PM CST

my name is danny i am a single 30 male from new orleans i just turned 30 i am 5'8 black hair brown eyes my nationalty is philpino and irish i am a 36-30 in pants i wear extra large t shirts size 10 in mens shoes. i weigh about 215 i am medium average i like sports i like to watch foot ball and hockey vase ball not as much same goes for basket ball my family grew up watching wrestling i have neices and nephews i dont smoke or drink witch is a plus i am a gentle man i do have a myspace i like to go out doors alot i like to play pool bowl have fun i am a goffy guy with good personality and great sence of humor

Does he want this girl to make him some clothes? What's with the stats? I think there are a lot of girls out there that would like a goffy, illiterate 30 year old. Besides, he has a good personality. It hasn't reached its expiration date yet.
Once again, submitted by reader Anonymous. This guy could have turned this long ad into one sentence: "I'm looking for a girlfriend who I can love as much as I love video games. Oh and I hate sports, even when they are in my video games." By the way, the quote is from Metal Gear Solid, which is (surprise, surprise) a video game!

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield? - 26

If you know the source of that quote (without Googling it), I totally wanna marry you! ;) Only half-kidding about that.

I'm a huge videogame nerd, looking for a cool nerd girl hang out with and to play and chit-chat about videogames with. I'm into all kinds of games (except for sports games—nothin' wrong with them, but they're just not my style), be they on console (yes, I actually have a Wii, a 360, and a PS3), handheld (PSP n DS both accounted for, n to be honest both getting more playtime than everything else combined!) or on the PC. Some of my all-time faves include: Another World, Grim Fandango (can't wait for Brütal Legend to come out!), Ico, Deus Ex, Sonic Adventure, Metal Gear Solid 3, the Half-Life series, Final Fantasy XII and my current obsession, Monster Hunter Freedom: Unite.

Bonus points if you're into science fiction & fantasy (I like: Pterry, Michael Moorcock, Neal Stephenson, China Miéville), comics (total Grant Morrison fanboy here, also love Warren Ellis, Alan Moore, Naoki Urasawa & Eiichiro Oda) n animation (love anime, but I'm also an old-school Disney fan—am cautiously excited about "The Princess & the Frog").

If what I've written resonates with you, drop me a line!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Translation please?

Thanks again to Anonymous for this submission. I know it is a bit long, but this guy is the BEST storyteller around (and by best I mean most ridiculous). So it is definitely worth the read!

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


Eh, this is Ah Kao. You noe huh, I am singapore number one man you know. I beri handsum one leh. Erytime I go out jio ja bor ah, they all say i suai one leh. woah, now hor, i decide ai ya let you all woomen get little bit chance on suai man like me lah. on this website hor, craigslist huh, no one here more handsome and smart like me leh.. yeah lah, i also beri smart one lah, not only good looking some more. last time hor when i primy skool huh, my teecher say i so smart then she give me prize leh. she say my of science very the powderful you know. its true one, true one. so me, ah kao, can tell you all about sciense when we go out jalan jalan/gai gai. see! I multilingual one leh! that means i know many many different talking. guy like me, hai, where to find liao? no more already lah i tell you really.

okay lah, you all eemail me back okayh, then i choose one of you to be my girlflen, like pokemon like that hahaha you see i so funny also, how to find huh you tell me.

okay lah, you also must got critelia one lah, i cannot all funny funny people apply, later i kenna bluff then lose face then my ah kao fren all laugh at me i pai seh leh. cannot cannot.
critelia is hor, you must sexy sexy abit lah. like i see already my nose explode then very good okay. but i also like fat fat one you know, because i sleep hor, sometimes no pillow so i just sleep on the fat fat woman hor, very shiok you know anot! cannot tahan, i must go pcc already think of fat girl make me so xsaited.

okay okay, eryone can apply lah hor? if send photo hor, i also give you mai one lah okay? i very fair one, i dai long what, you know dai long is what?

also hor, i tell you a story lah okay. that time i got one girlfren lah, she quite the pretty one lah, then hor she want to put my pee-pee in her mouth leh! aiyoh so disgusting you know anot. people mouth got so many germ, i also scared lah. so hor, i try to change subject lah, i talk to her about meedle east lah, like america hor want to attack Iraq only because they want to help kuwait mah, they got invest in kuwait of course must protect lah, so america is not pai lang what, right or not you tell me?

okay lah i go liao i go liao, you all must email back huh, dont forget leh.

Signing off, Dai Lou.

Thanks to Anonymous for sending us this ad all the way from Singapore. Just when I think there can't be any other fetishes out there that we haven't posted about already, Anonymous finds one.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Seeking average looking woman with problem skin - 45 (SG)

I will admit to having a rather unusual fetish. I am very attracted to women with poor skin. Don't ask me why; it just turns me on.

I am looking to have a relatively carefree fling with you to explore some things on a physical level. Ideally, you are attracted to older men are married or otherwise attached and are looking for some discreet fun on the side on an on-going basis. If so, we will be a perfect match.

I am caucasian, funny and fun to hang out with, tall and fit. I don't care much about your ethnicity or age, though late 20s to ;late 30s would be ideal.

THIS AD IS VERY GRAPHIC - You have been warned

Submitted by reader Anonymous who writes "this guy is horrible and deserves to be castrated, but it's no wonder he can't find anyone." This guy is very graphic. You have been warned.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


Dom Bull here looking for a new toy use, abuse & reuse.

YOU: youngish (18-30), submissive and does anything the master asks.
You will be used for my pleasure in anyway i see fit.
You wil Suck & Fuck me, my friends, any random guy/guys i tell you too
You understand that this is an ongoing thing, you will be my new sex slave to cure my sexual fantasies.
You also understand that this is a fanstasy relationship at first with the possibility of being my girlfriend and possibly slutwife to be shared in a network of other slutwives.
You understand that this is a protected safe relationship and does NOT and will NOT involve any torture, scat(possably watersports), violence or extreme rape or other types of sexual misconduct.
You will be facefucked, anal, creampie, gangbang, dped, tripple ped, and whored around.
You will be used in fantasy as a submissive cumslut but you will not be abused as such. Only used to satisfy my needs and maybe more.

Serious only. Singapore girls, are you ready for this?

YOU MUST: reply with pics, stats, and what you are willing to do and how often.

I don't even know what some of those things are. Or want to know. He says you will not be abused, but most of those things sound pretty abusive. He has watched one too many pornos.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Below Average Joe

For someone who spends a lot of time thinking about the woman of his dreams, he sure doesn't show it.

OkCupid - Westminster, Maryland - m4w

My Self-Summary

There isn't much to tell about me. I won't impress your friends and I probly (<-- yeah, that's how I like to spell it) won't impress you either. I am completely average to borderline mediocre to look at. I don't like to hang out with large groups of people. I can't stand clubs but I could spend all night at the right bar. Sadly I still live with my parents (It's complicated). I don't have the greatest teeth and probly the worst skin of anyone you know. I dropped out of highschool and got a GED when I was 15. I currently work in Information Technology doing onsite first and second level desktop and network support (Not Geeksquad :x). I love computers and video games. Nothing makes me happier than sitting around playing games or watching movies/tv. I also love to sleep for hours and hours on end. I do like to go out to eat and love to see movies in theatres. I love amusement parks and riding just about any ride. Not waterparks tho. I hate the beach and places like them, they are boring. I don't dance at all and have no desire to. Ever. I listen mainly to punk and alternative rock and other than the occasionally guilty pleasure, I don't stray. I am slightly overweight at the moment by like 20-30 pounds, but I am working on losing it. I used to be about 60 pounds overweight. :/ I don't like kids and have no desire at this point in my life to have any. I don't really like to read that much, but I do try to read the occasional book. I probly put a bunch of stuff in here that will turn off a lot of people, but I didn't come here to lie about myself just to hook up with someone. Anything else you want to know, just ask. I'm pretty open about myself.

What I’m doing with my life:

Pretty much just working full time at my job and waiting for whatever.

I’m really good at

making excuses for all the things I suck at.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

meeting the girl of my dreams.

On a typical Friday night I am

Playing video games, watching Stargate on sci-fi, watching Real Time with Bill Maher and did I mention playing video games?

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I have only ever dated and had sex with one girl. Shameful thing for a 25 year old to admit in this day and age. :/

Only one girl? You mean you actually found a girl to date you?


No question about it. You ARE the rebound chick.

Craig's List - Boston - m4w

Getting divorced on Tuesday - 44

So I go to court Tuesday to finalize my divorce and would like to have a date for Tuesday night. Thought it would be good to go out with a fun woman.

I am 44, 6ft, in shape, attractive professional, who is outgoing and likes to laugh. I would like to meet a nice woman, mid 30's-mid 50's, attractive, fun, sensual with a great sense of humor.

Send along a note about yourself and a picture, I will respond in kind.

Wishful thinking

Maybe the same guy posted these, or maybe perverted minds think alike!

Craig's List - Nashville - m4w

drive by my place and flash me - 31

31 white guy here seeking a real female to drive by my place and flash me breast or other, i am real seeking a real female, ill be out side all u have to do is email me for my address and come see me out side roll down window and flash me intersted email me asap


Craig's List - Nashville - m4w

I'm drinking.... boobies?! - 27

girlfriend just broke up with me today because she found someone else! awesome..... blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So, I'm drinking, at home, ALONE..... Anyone wanna show me their boobies to make me feel better?! Come on.... Do your service to humanity.... :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Another poet

I think he means herbavorus lameus.

Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w

29 Herbavorus-Studmuffinus


I eat broccoli.
And when you see me dine
you'll be all about me.

But why be a bore
When we get to my door
Skip the bedroom
Let's get on the floor.

My mom says I is cool
I'm a little slow, don't like school
Yeah I'm white
That don't mean a thing
Just can't really dance or try to sing.

I wear this hat
And these shades
'Cause I r stud yo-
And drink gatorade.

My hat's green because I'm all about broccoli.
Don't say it's lame 'cause u can't stop me
From bein the stud that munches on leaves
twigs, grains, quinoa, berries.

Word. Yo, I'm out.