Translation please?

Thanks again to Anonymous for this submission. I know it is a bit long, but this guy is the BEST storyteller around (and by best I mean most ridiculous). So it is definitely worth the read!


Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


AY SEE HERE LAH, I AM BERI GOOD CATCH YOU KNOW! - 888 (SINGAPORE LAH)

Eh, this is Ah Kao. You noe huh, I am singapore number one man you know. I beri handsum one leh. Erytime I go out jio ja bor ah, they all say i suai one leh. woah, now hor, i decide ai ya let you all woomen get little bit chance on suai man like me lah. on this website hor, craigslist huh, no one here more handsome and smart like me leh.. yeah lah, i also beri smart one lah, not only good looking some more. last time hor when i primy skool huh, my teecher say i so smart then she give me prize leh. she say my knor..now...nolege of science very the powderful you know. its true one, true one. so me, ah kao, can tell you all about sciense when we go out jalan jalan/gai gai. see! I multilingual one leh! that means i know many many different talking. guy like me, hai, where to find liao? no more already lah i tell you really.

okay lah, you all eemail me back okayh, then i choose one of you to be my girlflen, like pokemon like that hahaha you see i so funny also, how to find huh you tell me.

okay lah, you also must got critelia one lah, i cannot all funny funny people apply, later i kenna bluff then lose face then my ah kao fren all laugh at me i pai seh leh. cannot cannot.
critelia is hor, you must sexy sexy abit lah. like i see already my nose explode then very good okay. but i also like fat fat one you know, because i sleep hor, sometimes no pillow so i just sleep on the fat fat woman hor, very shiok you know anot! cannot tahan, i must go pcc already think of fat girl make me so xsaited.

okay okay, eryone can apply lah hor? if send photo hor, i also give you mai one lah okay? i very fair one, i dai long what, you know dai long is what?

also hor, i tell you a story lah okay. that time i got one girlfren lah, she quite the pretty one lah, then hor she want to put my pee-pee in her mouth leh! aiyoh so disgusting you know anot. people mouth got so many germ, i also scared lah. so hor, i try to change subject lah, i talk to her about meedle east lah, like america hor want to attack Iraq only because they want to help kuwait mah, they got invest in kuwait of course must protect lah, so america is not pai lang what, right or not you tell me?

okay lah i go liao i go liao, you all must email back huh, dont forget leh.

Signing off, Dai Lou.