Thursday, December 31, 2009

You complete me.

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Single Amputee Looking for Her Missing Part

What's left of me is beautiful, I don't need to be patronized. I'm very self-constius of my missing arm. When I was 16 my boyfriend and I got in a fight. Long story short, he's still in jail and I'm left with the consequences. Just so u know, I'm still kind of attached to him so I visit him about once a month still. Moving on... I'm very educated. I graduated from comm. college so its importunt to me that I find a man as eqaul educated as me. I'm the classy type girl you wanna take to ur mama, not the type to be thrown away after a one-night stand in the back of your crappy yellow Lincoln with torn seats.

If its importunt to u, I'm white. I'm about 5"5'. I'm a very romantic type. I want someone to take me out on a nice, fancy date and treat me like the classy woman I am. I have no kids though I want some. I like sex a lot so I plan on having alot of kids, but that just comes with the teritory ;) Oh yeah, one last thing, I really like God. Like if He were a person, u know, like walking down the street, we'd be best friends. You need to be a Christan, like me and I'm sure we'll get along real good.

No one wants to waste time, so email me your picture and I will send you one of me. I'm looking forward to meeting my true love. <3

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Romance is dead!

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

Will help you get green card

Looking to help you get your green card, all I want is the money. I have no issues, good income, no sponsor needed, I don't want anything from you besides money. Hit me up if you are interested.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Shoot for the moon!

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

are you an intelligent artistic squirter? here it goes. Though I know this sounds a little strange to be seeking before knowing someone's personality it seems to be a characteristic I must have to be satisfied in a friendly/ or amorous sexual relationship. Im a SWM with an oral fixation and prefer the ever elusive women who "squirt" or pee when they climax. I do understand they are not the same thing and as long as you have a hair trigger response to oral stimulation/ or penetration which results in a orgasmic fountain it does not matter to me which it is. I like both. While it may seem superficial to seek this out in a potential amorous friend/ partner to me this rare gift typically reflects an openness and clarity in a woman's sexuality/ personality which i find irresistible. Not that this is the only thing Im drawn too; certainly not. I also prefer intelligent, sardonic, artistic types who read and have good hair but truly Im seeking the rare combination of all of these features.The proverbial needle in the hay stack apparently. Either way, I would really like to meet you. Lets talk.

Haha, spell check is telling me "squirter" is not a word. Guess we will have to write to Mr. Webster about that one.

Monday, December 28, 2009

His mom told him he's special

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


Hello there how is every on?Really im looking for some one that does not listen to the same old stuff on the radio.
I want some body thats nice and doesnt like to talk but a bit.I want some one that likes the history channel and descovriy also.
I want sombody that will accept that i will not go to collage because of learning disibiltys in math.
I want sombody that will buy me a drink why does it always have to be me.I rather have a smart girl over me being smart but iam.

I don't think it's math that is his problem...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I'm ready to Seattle down

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

i am looking for pakistani/or/indian.muslim woman to get married-i am - 30

1-- I am looking for a pakistani/or/indian.muslim woman to get married--- ...
2--Age perf--18--30 only no older then that
3--If you are not a(DESI) please dont reply .
4--If you have kids or boyfriend please dont reply.
5--Iam looking for some one to get marriad - islamic halal way inshallha if you are looking for a boyfriend/or friend or just to chat please dont ---reply.
6-- if you are serious and looking for same and wana seattle down and wana get marriad - ,then reply only,
7--if you are looking for rich /cute/ sexy or party drinker/smoker or cheater man please dont hit me up
8--Idont drink/smoke or do any drugs if u do those then dont hit me up.
9-Again i am looking for wife if you are looking for husband for life and your are serious about it then hit me up.
10-please reply with your picture,s and your 411, and race /back ground and city state you live in
11-please tell me what you are looking for. in your 411
13- you must be living in usa america current and rest of your life if you are not in the usa dont reply,
14-If you are picky about your husband like looking wise and you are looking for a super man then dont hit me up and good luck ,
15--i dont go for looks if you are serious and you know what you want in life then reply .
16--I am 5-7 if you looking for a taller guy then dont reply
17--I stay in usa ca orange county
18-no picture no reply if u r serious then send your picture when u respone to this add or dont reply

assalam alaikum-- I am looking for a serious girl to get married [nikah] I am not here for chat or make friends i am here get married only islamic halal way inshalla age-perf-18-30-only- so i f you like my profile and you are serious then lev yr emi,, and num,, i am well mannered and practice sunni muslim. - i dont drink/smoke or do any drugs and i wont some the same -, thanks for reading --wasalam alaikum

Sunday, December 20, 2009

5 start chica

What a classy guy, and what is a 5start chick? Spelling/writing 5 star really isn't that complicated, is it?

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Looking for dat 5start chick!!!

Looking for a cute,sweet female to do some clubin with this weekend.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The magic words every girl wants to hear

Craig's List - London - m4w

Are you a gal with large or unusual nipples? - 32

Hi, I am a 'normal' guy with a good job, wide circle of friends, currently single & never married. I am British.

I have a particular 'thing' about women with large &/or unusual nipples, & would welcome your contact so we might converse with a view to perhaps meeting, then perhaps more. Ultimately I'm look for a relationship & not just a fling!

I'm not looking for model looks, just someone who meets the criteria stated (you dont need to be any kind of physical 'freak', just a little different from the crowd lol).

I am kind, polite, gentle & respectful, & although somewhat uncomfortable about making a posting like this, thought I would give it a go.

Utter discretion is important to me, so why not drop me a line & I can send you my pic & we can talk more.


I just love this picture.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

rich white male seeks black college girl - 50

im seeeking black girl heres my pic send pic and number this is a pic of me when i was younger im the one with blond hair im a record producer

At least he can spell

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Love to meet one skinny ugly woman - 39

I am interested in meeting one skinny ugly woman for LTR NSA interesting times. I am a skinny ugly guy who likes skinny women. I don’t need a wife since I already have one of those. Don’t need drama so if you are a stalker or a psycho or have a stalker bf or husband please keep moving. I don’t promise anything except that I am a nice guy. Curious and would like to know more? Just ask.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Mommy and me

Either he is lying about his mom helping with the ad, or he and his mom are a little too close for comfort.

Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w

♥My Mother Wrote This Personal Ad For Me, So I Could Meet Someone Nice - 33

I'm black (sbm), which probably means I could hit a home run with my ....
I live alone, which probably means you can scream if my .... makes you happy
I'm amazing with my tongue, probably means I can talk to your lower lips
I'm writing in this weird format, which probably means I'm creative
I like black women (sbf), probably means I have a strong ....
I like white women (swf), probably means I don't mind hearing the word "awesome" when my pants come off
I like asian women (saf), probably means I still think I can master this tantra thing
I like hispanic women (shf, latina), probably means I like sex in the kitchen
I like older women (milf), probably means I like women with confidence
I like younger women, probably means I'm at my halfway point, and can still listen to you talk for hours about your ipod playlist, and not shoot myself
I like unavailable women, married, dating, in relationships, probably means I'm old enough to understand
I like shaved genitals, probably means I don't like brushing my teeth with pubic hair
I like pictures, probably means I'm real, and not a time waster
I'm in shape, probably means a 6 pack is visible
I'm bbw friendly, probably means I know what to do with big tits
I'm skinny chick, athletic woman, female with curves friendly,
probably means I'm universal :)
I like myspace links in a response, probably means the quicker we can swap myspace links, the quicker you can come over to my place, and sit on my face...

Real Modest

This guy walks the walk but has nothing to back it up with.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Hello and how are yall doing? I am both well educated and well endowed. I am well mannered and well muscled. I am cultured but also cute. I am extremely busy running my own business but also have time to actually meet in real time instead of playing computer games. I am young and hip yet also old-fashioned as in an actual date instead of just a hook up. I like ladies who are younger and in shape plus very pretty but I have been known on many occasions to fall prey to a cougar or be a milf's boytoy. Desperate housewives love me and gay or bi men druel over me. In the interest of full disclosure I have worked as a nude model (Playgirl magazine, Inches magazine) also as an adult entertainer and even for escort services. I say that just so there are no surprises.

What a stud.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Another Ranter!

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

i am deaf guy who said no babies means no pains

I think that when some people may realize that strong drugs or drink is not good for their health but they take them anyway because their bad feeling keep telling them, if you don't take them then that bad feeling will increase bad feeling in order to trick them into thinking that what if the bad feeling will last lifetime therefore they take them in order to shut up the bad feeling. I think they are tricked by their bad feeling because in reality the drugs and drink are far more deadly bad feeling than natural bad feeling

Now I am talking about having children which I think it's same thing with drugs and bad feeling. Some people may realize that earth is overpopulation and full of pains therefore they decide not to have a baby but their bad feeling keep pressure on them by telling them that if they don't have a baby then they will suffer with more bad feelings, eventually they give up then decide to have a baby. I think they are too selfish with their bad feeling because they should rather suffer with their bad feeling for refusing to have a baby. Because having a baby is more deadly painful than their bad feeling. For from one baby can produce millions of people on earth in the future therefore the pain can be countless.

Sometime they may make a good excuse for having a baby is that "what if my baby can be helpful to painful world" ? But its no guarantee that their child will help stop people from having more babies. No child is guarantee no more children. Why not they adopt a child to help the world instead ?

Some people may say why not I kill myself because I don't believe in more babies. Well, I think I am too selfish to be still alive. Whether I kill myself or not , pain is still wrong. Some people may say I may have more pain than average people but what if they have a baby then that will be double pains than I have because of additional people on earth.

The early bird catches the worm

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Free Sex from studly human male!

Get it while its still awake!

Are we sure it's human?

Fetish Time!

Craig's List - m4w - New Orleans

please pee for me - 28

i realy dont care how you look or if you have a man or anything like that i have a fetish i need to fullfill and now is the time.. im in st. brenard but work through out the metro area.. im 5'7 165lbs short brown hair green eyes fully tattooed.. i do also love to lick pussy and eat ass if that is something you might want also.. you must host or have a place to play.. a pic would be nice but not needed.. i also have other fetishies i like to do so if you are in the mood to hit kick spit or anything things eles to me just tell me or just do it.. i am clean d/d free with a darker side to me that comes out every once in a while.. i open to just about anything and everthing.. put taste me in headline so i know your not any spam.. and please dont flag me im just like everyone eles just a bit kinkier and open

Um no dude, you are not just like everyone else.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Kelly Clarkson!

He is either trying WAY too hard, meaning there is something wrong with him, or he is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Kelly Clarkson in Concert

I have an extra ticket to see Kelly Clarkson in concert this Sunday (the 13th).

Just seeing if there was anyone else around who might be interested in going.

Awesome floor seats. Awesome concert awaits.

If you are interested, send me a pic and a brief description of yourself.

Hope to hear from you soon.

He's got jungle fever...

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Jungle Fever

This Great White Ape has been feeling hotter than usual for the native jungle girls. He is interested in finding one to swing from his vine. Me Jane, don't matter..what's in a name after all?
I love women with athletic bodies and ladies of African descent have such incredible butts when they are of the athletic build. I would love to see my skin pressed next to and contrasted by a lovely dark skin..of course..if you are a cafe' au lait..I love that have been gifted with the perfect tan without the matter what the has its own unique appeal..and I will relish any of them. I only ask that you be of above average looks because I am..and pardon my lack of modesty..but..this is an AD.

Sexaholics Unite?

I first thought he was looking for anonymous sex, but I misread.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Sex anonymous anyone?

Ok, here goes. My wife wants me to go to sex rehab or sex anonymous because she says I am a sexaholic. Is there even a such thing? If there were such a thing would it be like AA? Problem is that I don’t think I have a problem since my equipment is working fine for me. I was thinking, maybe someone out there would be interested in being my support group and go with me. I do think it would kind of stupid though to put others like me in the same room don’t you? I am not a perv or anything like that. I am only interested in ladies of legal age interested in the same thing I am interested in. She says I have too many female friends go figure. All of my myspace friends are females between 18 and 42. Ok, now all the judgmental people out there can kiss my A$$. Then click the little X in the top right hand of your screen. If you feel the same way I do and interested in finding one of these classes somewhere to see if there is someone to convince me that I actually have a problem and should do something about it than please feel free to write me. You can also write me if you just want a good laugh since you and I know I would never attend one of those meetings. I am not interested in joining your religion or praying with you about any crap like that. I am not interested in joining any sites like safegirls, lonely wives club or anything like that since that would only make things worse don’t you think? Ok, now you are laughing! Problem is I am completely serious!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Let's play a game...

Thanks again to reader Anonymous for this one. I bet we will see this ad again in the near future due to lack of responses

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Are You Gonna Be My Girl

Pardon my thoroughness, but I'm sick of wasting time.

Part A is compulsory, while part B is based on points. There is no pass mark, but obviously the higher you score, the better your chances. The final selection will be made purely on merit, so don't try sleeping with me to get an A+.
There is no time limit.

Part A: Compulsory
1. You must be female.
2. You must be between the ages of 23 and 28. This is slightly flexible.
3. You must NOT own or ever consider owning: Crocs, Birkenstocks, those cheesy Mr. Men t shirts, anything in spandex or those godawful Polo shirts with the huge Polo logo on them (unless you actually play polo).
4. English must be your first language.
5. You must know how to use punctuation marks correctly. Especially apostrophe's [sic].
6. Should be implied, but will state it anyway - you must know how to spell. Correctly.
7. You must not use annoying smiley faces in any correspondence, unless absolutely necessary.
8. You must have read a book in the last 2 months. This does not include the Twilight series. I mean a proper book.
9. You must have a proper picture (no tits or asses, please) taken in the last 2 months, and attached to your response. I'm not shallow, just don't want some creepster replying.
10. You must enjoy making out and cuddling as much as [wild/passionate/sweaty] sex.

If you meet all the requirements above, congratulations! You may now continue to part B. If not, thank you for your time and effort, better luck next time.

Section B: Each correct answer is worth 10 points. Look out for bonus questions, each one is worth an additional 5 points.
1. Which band does this post title reference? Bonus question: which classic punk track is the riff "borrowed" from?
2. In which movie does John Cusack play a record store owner? Bonus question: name the author of the book it was adapted from.
3. Pick your favourite pizza topping: parma ham, salami, anchovies.
4. Complete this sentence: My ideal Saturday night is _________________________________.
5. Your favourite hawker centre food is?
6. On planes, which seats do you prefer?
7. Which is the finest single malt you have sampled?
8. If you owned a bullfrog, what would his name be?
9. On rainy days, what would be the ideal activity according to you? You may choose more than one.
10. Coffee or tea?

I thank you in advance for your interest, however only successful candidates will receive a response.

Not what I would do...

Thanks to reader Anonymous for this one. Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Craig's List - Singapore

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Rhyme Time!

Also from reader Anonymous. Sounds like a Backstreet Boys song that didn't make it to an album because it was just that bad.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

Are you for real?
Or is this just a dream?
Will you make me sing with joy?
Or will you make me scream?

Are you the light?
That shines so bright...
Will you hold me close?
And keep me warm at night?

I'm just a man
Just an ordinary man
I don't know much
But I'm trying to understand...

Are you, the one?
Are you the gold?
So, bright and bold...
Is that a silver line?

I have to hold...
Will you be my hell?
Pray heavens tell...
Maybe a devil in disguise?

Or an angel that fell?
I'm just a man
Just an ordinary man
I don't know much

But I'm trying to understand...
Are you, the one?

From reader anonymous.

Craig's List - Singapore - m4w

i'm in flight

i'm running. i'm tripping. i'm hopping. i'm trip-hopping. i'm trying. i'm giving. i'm partaking. i'm sampling. i'm sensing. i'm pleasing. i'm cruising. i'm rockin'.

i'm soaring. i'm high.

i'm falling. i'm fading. i'm hurting. i'm pleading. i'm boring. i'm staring. i'm baring. i'm giving.

i'm restless.

i'm hoping. i'm defying. i'm embracing. i'm reaching. i'm hurtling. i'm conquering. i'm fighting.

i'm still standing. and i'm smiling.

This guy needs to make up his mind. Or kick the drug habit.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Pop goes the...

Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

Make me pop like kettle corn

College student at SMU majoring in Social Work seeks fwb to take my mind off the fact that I have food. I was just sitting here thinking about w broke I am and wondering what I can do for entertainment that doesn't cost any money. Of course sex came to mind.

I just pe my stomach growling doesn't interrupt the festivities. Or - you know ... you could just FEED ME FIRST. I could really go for some Tofu but hey, I'm t picky. Taco Bell works, too. What the , I am currently fantasizing about hitting a buffet.

As for me, I am a 27 y/o, hwp with 32C. Age doesn't matter to me but I expect you to be ddfree like me.

Your pic gets mine. If you're cheap, don't bother replying. I know I'll be so grateful to be fed that I'll do anything your little heart desires. Unless I ate turkey. Then I'll fall asleep and we'll have to try again another time.

KIDDING! Sheesh. You people. ;)

You people? Who is she calling you people?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Craig's List - Dallas - m4w

White trash boy seeks white trash girl... - 42

Yes, I grew up as white trash in a mobile home. I respect where I came from. I want to meet someone who knows where I came from and can relate themselves. I appreciate what I have now, and want to share in wonderful memories, and create a wonderful future together. Please include pic, and be close-by.