Wednesday, November 18, 2009

El Jefe

Some people say that they like a woman who knows what she wants, but this reads more like a list of demands from a hostage taker than a personal ad. I guess she's banking on someone developing Stockholm Syndrome. I especially like when she mentions that she really likes baked goods. Classic. Nobody doesn't love Sara Lee!

seeking black dyke with good credit - 23 (NOLA)
Date: 2009-11-16, 10:58AM CST

Please be: -body confident -body positive -well read, particularly in sexuality and gender theory. -please like the fact that you're queer. if you're looking at the w4w ads on craigslist, you're probably a big fat homo. -have good credit -be comfortable with topping and being topped. i never know how i'll feel from day to day, and i don't want any bullshit from you. about me- -i'm femme now, but i've been butch. in another few years i might go back. i don't personally ascribe to the public perception of butch/femme couple, but i really find that the minds and bodies of butch women align closely with my own. i also really like being the pretty girl on the arm of a strong woman. -i would like to buy a house in the marigny, a mini cooper, and a great dane. this is why you have to have good credit. if you do't you'l drag down my credit rating and i'll slowly start to resent you and find passive-agressive way to make your life hell. -i really like baked goods. if you can bake, that would be great. -people who chew loudly, folks who have bad manners, and people who construct themselves as sovereign subjects need not apply. -please don't lie to me. especially where our sexual relationship is concerned. you can do what you want (and do whomever you want) -i will keep you well fed, well dressed and well fucked provided you keep me in kinky orgasms and small presents. i like little gifts. i like to feel cared for. in exchange, i will give my heart and soul and your life will run like a well oiled machine. -please don't argue with me about stupid shit. i like things a certain way. hard limits: -don't fuck up my shit. i cannot fault you if your upbringing did not provide you with tools to care for household things. mine certainly didn't. however, i am really close to my 1200 thread count sheets. please don't spill anything on them or wash them with bleach. i own a set of le creuset dishware. please don't use them as your vessels for whatever fucked up culinary bastardizations mac and cheese you come up with. unless, of course, you can actually cook. in which case, knock yourself out. -be nice to my friends and they'll be nice to you too. if they blow on you, it's not my fault. you have to deal with it.

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