The Disciplinarian

Craig's List - Reno - m4w


Strict Discipline - 27

If you need a real harsh discipline session, with NO sex involved, let me know.

I am a white male, very clean, educated. No Bullshit here. I provide for you a release of stress, anxiety and guilt through receiving punishment.

If you have guilt about something that you have done, you will have to tell me what you did, then I will punish you severely for it. You will feel cleansed afterwards and much more healthy. Your bottom will be sore for a week but your head will be much clearer. I repeat, NO SEX. Don't even ask.

This is a real punishment, not a couple of slaps. You will be made to bare your bottom in front of me, this is to add to your punishment through humiliation. Then you will be placed over my lap, paddled well, then you will have to stand in the corner of my living room for 15 minutes with your red bottom on display just to finalize your humiliation. If you are one that cries uncontrollably after your paddling (which is fine with me), then I will hold you in my arms until you have regained your composure enough to stand in the corner for your 15 minutes. No sex.

This is not about sex, this is about cleansing and releasing stresses and anxieties that create disease.

If are in need of discipline, let me know. You MUST be over 18 though. No BBW's.

I will send a picture, if you send me one. I am available most every evening. I am an experienced disciplinarian who knows how to handle giving out real punishments. Email me now.



No sex. I repeat no sex. No sex. NO SEX! Dude we got it.

Knowing is half the battle

This guy knows exactly what he wants and even though he can't spell it correctly or explain it in a way that is grammatically correct, he's going after it.


Craig's List - Houston - m4w





Lets cut through all the bull - 50

Ok im a SWM age 57 not going to lie about it, Im 6 tall gray hair, and over weight, cant get any shorter, or grow the hair back and dark again, but am taking major steps to lose weight this winter. Here is what I want, I want a new good friend with BENIFITS. Ok all you grannypanitie women who are still raising your middle age kids, grand kids, or aging parents, or even have more than 1 pet you can stop here I dont want you. I want a women who is a lady, and a playmate, Yes we are talking sex, I dont want it on the first date, but Im not going to date you till xmas waiting on it, That is one side of the benifit package, your side, is you will being going out with a fun witt man who will treat you like a lady, wine you and dine you, movies and ect, Now if your real and not a scammer and still have feeling below your waist, that the part that the sagging tits have not covered up, then email me back, This is a real ad, I wont open any email that do not have the color of your hair in the subject line. also your pic will get mine in return.


So if you want this winner, send your kids away from home and get rid of those granny panties (or as he calls them grammypanities)!

You can depend on depends.

The last two posts came from Dallas TX. So if you have a baby related fetish it seems like Dallas is the place for you.



Craig's List - Dallas - m4w


guy with weird fetish lookng for a relationship

What's going on? I'm an oddball for the most part, just got back from working overseas. Looking for a relationship. Figured it might be worth my luck to try CL. So about that fetish, I have a diaper fetish. Seems like more and more guys have this fetish. What does this mean for you? Will you wear diapers for me? No you will not. Will I want my diapers changed by you? No, I do not. Do I want to be treated like a little baby? No I dont want to be treated like a little baby.

I just want you to be aware I have this fetish, it will be easier going into a relationship with that established. I can't meet someone at Jamba Juice and immediately ask them for date and during the date tell them I have a fetish like that, that would scare them off.

Me: 5'7, 160lbs, like to read, not big on watching TV. I like to listen. Love to travel. not crazy

You: Shorter than 5' 7", okay with my fetish, not crazy, disease free, drug free (but okay with 420, i dont smoke but its cool). I dont watch TV but if you do, thats cool, I like hearing people talk about whats happening in TV Land so I feel I keep up with some of it.

How did he know?

How did this guy figure out this is what got his engine going?


Craig's List - Dallas m4w


in Need of a Momma - 27

Im seeking an Older Women to tie me to a chair and force feed me eggs and Oatmeal . it's Optional if you want me in a diaper but then again i have bottle & Pacifiers . So please treat me like a Baby and you must host.


I bet he lives with his mom. Why else have the other person host?

I saw the title and I knew

She seems a bit crazy to me. I was reading this and thinking she was a teenager, then she mentions she HAS a teenager (luckily the kid is living somewhere else, so the kid still has a chance). I get lost and confused by about 1/2 of what she says, but it seems she does too, because she drops one thought and just goes right to the next crazy one.


Craig's List - Dallas - w4m


big boobs looking for partner in crime - 33 -

i am 5'4. an honest size 3(girls tend to lie about that one) and a 36ddd cup.i am new to dallas.i am "one of the guys" type of girl.i am ur tailgate partner, ur friends wingman, and ur bbq buddy..i just wont know which guage socket u want thou.i am the girl that ur daddy will love and ur momma will hate.i am as comfortable in five inch heels as i am barefoot.my computer at conference rom wont let me go to get my mail how about u figure out my addrress on the Y.i love a good house dinner party over going to some fancy restaurant.i like anything outdoors.k.if u add four plus one what number do u get?dumbsquirrels is the second part of my Y addrress.or u can get me at eight one five two nine one six two six four.i just moved from illinios so excuse the out of area number will be changing it lateralsoalso a text or email i am on roaming so i will answer a text before a call..i am just loking to meet new friends to start new adventures..who knows what trouble we can get into.if its not on video ..it never happened...more info ..i am drug free..its not a deal breaker but again i dont want to date a crackhead.i am a very social drinker and can drink most ppl under the table.i lived on an island for 15 yrs so that was all there was to do.is sun and suds.i live about ten minutes from dallas lovefield and do not drive ..even thou i do own a car.state of texas says so..dirty bastards..lol..oh well.id appreciate emails and texts more than call.i am a one on one for talking vs a phone..but will text and email or im all day.i am not sure what i am looking for..but fun people who dont have all bad days is a great start.i am pretty much perky all the time and a huge morning person.a bit chipper.i have been in only a few relationships and am always ben a better friend than girlfriend.i do have a child.she is 16 but is living with her grandma this yr.i am staying with my dad till i decide if i am staying in dallas or going back to chicago..also i do have tattos so thats it for nowthanks for reading.have a wonderful day...

Nothing says loving like a tub full of cereal.

Craig's List - San Francisco - m4w (48)


I want to have sex in a bathtub full of breakfast cereal - m4w





YES THIS AD IS FOR REAL!! I am looking for a kindred spirit that enjoys, sex, baths, and cereal. So why not try them all at the same time? Now, be warned I have some very specific stipulations for this fantasy of mine:

1) The cereal must have less than 2 grams of protein per serving. That's right, the pure sugar stuff kids eat to get roofed like junkies on speed. These can include:

Fruity Pebbles
Count Chocula
Cookie Crisp
Cocoa Pebbles
Cocoa Puffs
Golden Crisps
Honey Smacks
Cap'n Crunch's Peanut Butter Crunch
Cap'n Crunch
Apple Jacks
Froot Loops
Corn Pops

If you have other suggestions I am more than happy to entertain them.

2) It must be 2% milk, having sex in a bathtub full of cereal is no time for moderation. Plus, I need to get my daily dose of Vitamins A and D.

3) You must be comfortable in the doggie style position. I don�t see any other way to avoid shrinkage and still let you enjoy your cereal before it becomes too mushy.

4) If you insist of photography/videography I will need to insist that I wear a Mexican wrestling mask a la Nacho Libre.

5) I plan on making this a safe encounter to please feel free to bring your own utensils.

After we are finished if you feel like you need something to make you regular again, I should have some Grape-Nuts that you can nibble on. If you are serious, send me a photo, I need to make sure you can fit into the tub.

HEY IF THIS DOESN'T FLOAT YOUR BOAT I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS, DON'T BE SHY, HELL WHERE DID THAT EVER GET YOU?
Yes this ad is for real :
Despite being gregarious and blessed with many great friends, I frequently find myself without an interesting partner to share social events, outdoor adventures, art excursions, or an intellectual conversation. I'm fiercely independent, highly motivated, creative, deeply passionate, and intellectually taxing -- best summarized as "intense". I'm socially and environmentally conscious; and a bit of a comedian trapped in a clean-cut package with a high libido. I have a full head of hair {dark brown}, blue eyes, all my teeth {very straight and white}. I'm a hard-body and dedicated athlete, thrive on outdoor activities, but also relish quiet, sophisticated evenings pursuing intellectual or gastronomical delights. The "Reader's Digest" version of my bio is as follows: stable bohemian Single, employed CEO, non-smoker, drug fee, BS in biology with an MBA and a PHD , avid fly fisherman , bob-sled driver , National team rugby player, hiker, scuba diver, skier, sailor, competitive weight lifter; tinker tailor and candlestick maker {sorry couldn’t help myself}. Most recently I have taken up the Tango and love it ah but as you know it takes two to Tango?

Mama Needs a Real Man

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m

MY MAMA NEEDS A REAL MAN!!!

0k... Im'a keep it real.. This man my mama is dating now is low down, has no job, depends on her for food and gas money, AND HE LIVIN IN THE HOUSE FOR FREE!!! Pays no bills!! He just sits up and plays the game all day wishin he could play daddy!! HE'S GOT TO GO!!! She asked me to do this so... Is there any real men out there?? Job?? Nice Car?? Got something goin for yourself??.. She's a BBW =) A model, And a very good mother... I will send you pics and more info when you email.. All you gotta do is reply with a pic and some information about yourself and maybe we can set something up.. =) sound great??


Mama needs to give current boyfriend the boot. Don't know why he is still there, seems like mama wants him gone just as badly as the kid does.

Wanted: the Ultimate Stalker

Probably written as a joke - but still hilarious!



Craig's List - Dallas - m4w


Stalker Needed for a 2 (or more) month project.
I am in desperate need of a stalker, for at least the next 2 months...(possibly longer if everything goes well). I am a 33 year old white male, who is fluent in English.

Said stalker will NEED to do things such as:

• Random voicemails accusing me of cheating.
• Love notes written in creepy handwriting with a crayon, professing your undying love for me, left on the windshield of my car or apartment door.
• Driving down my street and later deny it violently even though I was standing by the road looking right at you. Just because you don't make eye contact when I catch you doesn't mean it didn't happen
• Call my mother and tell her you're pregnant. When she asks who it is, giggle and hang up.
• Wear a hat and glasses while you follow me as I shop at my local Kroger for groceries.


Most importantly....improvise...there's nothing like someone banging on your bedroom window in the middle of the night.

I will need these services performed at least twice a week. One of those days must be a Tuesday. If you can't do a Tuesday, skip that week altogether. In lieu of the Tuesday night rule, you may send mail postmarked on a Monday that arrives no later than Wednesday, and leave a "trinket" in my freezer while I'm not at home - no exceptions. All rules may be ignored if stationary with tears and perfume are involved.

I will provide you with my address, access to my apartment, my phone number, name, and work address. (But let's face it, if you're a really good stalker, you'll already have this, as well as my license plate number and the last four of my social security number.)

Stalking is over only if I actually decide to take you back. For your services, you will receive:

• 1 autographed picture of Dave Coulier
• 1 Judge Judy DVD ( I will be in the video. That way you can 'watch me' even when you aren't 'watching me'. )
• 7 cups of Ramen Noodles (your choice of flavor)
• 1 King sized Snickers bar.
• The opportunity for me to take you back.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I would like the stalking to begin as soon as possible. Rewards are negotiable.


If you respond to the ad try to negotiate for 8 cups of Ramen Noodles. Make it worth your while.

Boyfriend #2

Eating Ain't Cheating. Now why aren't there bumper stickers that say that?


Craig's List - New Orleans - m4ww


F*** My Face Or Imma eat you from the Back - 32

Ok ladies i know your stressed Your Bf/Husband not fucking you rite and he not eating the pussy at all, Thats why im here If you scared to cheat, like bill said eating aint cheating, I AM THE COOCHIE MONSTER I'LL EAT YOU TILL U SAY STOP!!!!!! WE DONT EVEN HAVE TO EXCHANGE NAMES I DONT WANNA KNOW NOTHING ABOUT U JUST SEND A PIC IF I LIKE IT I'LL HIT U UP AND GIVE U A P***Y LICKING U'LL DREAM ABOUT ALL MONTH LONG, I'LL COME TO YOU,ON YOUR LUNCH BREAK WHILE U AT WALMART, ON YOUR WAY PICKING THE KIDS UP, STOP CHEATING YOURSELF LADIES , I HAVE ONLY ONE RULE U MUST BE SHAVEN THIS IS NO JOKE I AM REAL, MY HRS ARE (M-T 9AM TO 1:45PM AND F-S 9AM TO 4AM) I BROTHER GOTTA WORK UNLESS YALL GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME ...LOL NICE THOUGHT.

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

If this is what she says in her original post, what do you think she is hiding?


Craig's List - Los Angeles - w4m


Help Out A Good Looking Pregnant Chick?

Here's the deal: I'm a 25 year old 5 month pregnant chick that needs to make $2,500 by the end of this week!! I just found out that my now ex decided to start a full on relationship with another woman who he recently got a place with & has left me with no way to pay the bills, get rent paid or feed our 9 month old son, nor is he helping to take care of his responsibilities!!
I'm NOT a "pro/ escort/ street whore" etc. but I NEED to make this $2,500 to keep myself in the clear for the next month or two & a friend suggested I try this out. If you're legit, honest D&D FREE & can help me out with all or at least a decent amount of the $2,500 , please feel free to email me. I'm a very good looking pregnant chick; not fat or overweight!! I'll send a picture to legit guys who would like to meet with a legit girl who's not a "pro' type.

NO game players
NO time wasters
NO liars
NO pic collectors

Dream a little dream of me

This one pretty much speaks for itself. Betty Boop isn't even good enough for this one.



Looking for a Hot Wife
Date: 2009-09-21, 5:56PM CDT

First things first. I'm in the Phoenix Arizona area, so you will need to want to relocate here if interested. I will fly the "right" girl here to check things out and see me and what I have to offer. So yes, I am looking for a serious relationship but I do want a girlfriend or wife who is, to put it mildly, HOT. I'm one of those guys who gets off on showing his woman. That means doing pics, videos, etc.. The theme I prefer is high heels, little micro skirts and all the other trimmings that go with leg fetish material. I also like the huge implants look. In fact I have put up another add which specifically states I would like to find a woman who wants very large breasts as in at least DD, preferably more toward a G. This means 750cc implants minimum. Yes, if you'd like HUGE boobs you'd be my dream come true. Are you getting the picture of what I like and what I'm looking for? A few more requirements are you be slim and fit with a tight waist. You'd be 18 to 35 years old. A hot little dancer body is ideal. A desire or fantasy to be an amateur wife pornstar is the ultimate in what I'm looking for. I'm totally into photography and love nothing better than taking hot pics of MY woman. Remember, I'm looking for a serious live-in relationship. Not a model for hire. There are other wives who have sites on the web who are doing what I'm describing.. Take a moment and google Hot Wife Rio. Now there is a lucky husband. You can also search Erin's Leg Scene, Wifey, or Louises Nylon Heaven. They all do what Im looking for.
About me, I'm a SWM, forty six, five eleven and about one hundred eighty five pounds. I'm handsome, successful and own a beautiful home here in Chandler Arizona. I have tons of interests besides those listed above like Music, dining, Harleys, dirt bikes, 4 wheeling, Corvettes, road trips, landscaping, home improvement and of course... taking you shopping...lol! I do like to spoil "my sexy baby" with outfits, lingerie and keep her nails, hair and make-up perfect. Does this sound like the lifestyle and open minded husband you might want??? Have you fantasized about being a hot model? Well, then, what are you waiting for? Please send a pic with reply. Thanks for looking and have a great day

Green card, get your green card!

What's the catch? I bet this dude is broke or has an STD.


Craig's List - Houston - m4w


Marry me and get a Green Card - 32

This is a REAL ad for foreign women who need a Green Card!!! I'm clean, straight, honest single, 5'11" tall, friendly, easy going, 32 years old, mature, reliable, drama-free, I have only been with 1 girl in my entire life, I also have up-to-date proof on paper to show you that I am disease-free, I am Catholic so I try to attend Mass weekly, and I await your serious reply!!!! I am a 100% American man, so if you marry me soon, we can either stay married then divorce later or we can stay together happily everafter, but either way, you will get your Green Card!!!!! Email me some pictures of yourself along with your phone number, so we can meet each other in person, and get married :) Thanks, take care, and I look forward to helping you get a Green Card ;) In return, I will email you some pictures of myself along will my phone number!!!!!!!

Fetish time

No comments needed for this one.



Craig's List - Los Angeles - w4m

Shitwhore 4 old

I am seeking old man. To ues me as a human toilet. 65+ only PLEASE. ancient dudes to the front of the line! Saving up a nice dusty loaf? Lay it on me, bro! I want to meet the fucking browns.

Hamburger anyone?

What does it mean to be a female hamburger? And seriously, if you are a "female hamburger" pick a picture of an appetizing looking burger, not one that even McDonald's wouldn't serve.


Craig's List - Los Angeles - w4m

Female Hamburger looking to be spoiled - 32

Hi guys..I am a busy active chili burger looking for a man to totally pamper and spoil me. Medium complexion, average height. I enjoy being spontaneous and making people laugh. I also enjoy candlelight dinners, walks on the beach or just staying at home snuggling up with a DVD. I am a little spicy so your nights might be a bit hot..hope you can handle it? In return I'd love to take off with you in your private jet or hang out with you in your mansion. You will be proud to have me on your arm at parties and events. If you're in the entertainment business even better, I have had men tell me I am star material. What are you waiting for? Your pic gets more of mine.




Yeah, so what ARE you waiting for?

In your dreams

Craig's List - Houston - m4w


Wanted: Really Rich Doctor or Lawyer - 27

have a job, and its ok, but my dream job is to be a stay at home dad. I don't currently have kids and don't plan to have my own for a few more years, but if you're rich (and hot?!) I'll do what you want so I can stay at home, make cookies, pack lunches, take the dog for a walk and work on cars. If that's you, hooray!



I'm sure a woman who has worked really hard and is now a doctor or lawyer with money wants nothing more than a lazy husband. If she needs someone to take care of the house she will hire a maid.

Conspiracy Theorist

I bet this guy has an underground bunker/bomb shelter. He's the one who thought the world would end in the year 2000. I just had no idea they had a name for themselves. The preppers. Sounds like if the cheerleaders and football players in high school formed a gang and had to come up with a name.


Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Any women preppers? - 25

I think there are many things on the horizon that pose a serious threat to the United States and our current life styles. I like to be prepared for many types of possible disasters. I store food and water for months, have respirators, water filters, flashlights, guns and ammo. Most people will think this is weird unless they are a prepper themselves. If you are into this sort of thing message me.

Finder's fee

It's all in caps, so I guess every part of this is emphasized...


Craig's List - Boston - m4w


REWARDED FOR WANTED NUBIAN QUEEN - 33

I GOING TO GET TO THE POINT I AM LOOKING FOR A BLACK WOMAN OR LATINA WITH THE FOLLOWING
1. IS INTELLIGENT BUT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A ROCKET SCIENTIST
2. IS NOT A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY MEANING, I DO NOT WANT THE VIP OF EVER CLUB IN BOSTON PREFER A HOMEBODY TO SOME DEGREE
3. IS NOT HIGH MAINTENANCE LIKE IF ALL YOUR CLOTHES ARE EXPENSIVE DESIGNER BRANDS I AM ALL SET....
4. HAS NEVER WORKED AS A STRIPPER, ESCORT, OR IN PORN
5. AND MOST IMPORTANT HAS NOT HAVE SEX WITH A WHITE BOY OR INTO THUG PASSION
6. AND FINALLY PHYSICALLY UNDER 160 I LOVE THICK WOMEN BUT I AM A BIG GUY SO I PREFER A SMALLER FEMALE

IF YOU FIT THIS DESCRIPTION HIT ME BACK IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND THAT DOES HIT ME BACK CAUSE I WILL PAY YOU A FINDERS FEE


What's it matter if the girl dated a white boy in the past?

If the magic 8 ball fails, there's always Craig's List

This one is a little long, but I thought it was worth it. At first it seems like the guy is just joking about the 8 ball running his life - but he goes into so much detail that I think he's for real.


Craig's List - Boston - m4w


Magic 8 Ball, will this SWM of 39 meet the girl of my dreams?

Up until now, I had a Magic 8 Ball. I have used it daily to help guide me through some of life's toughest questions and decisions.

Just minutes ago, I decided to pack up the The Ball and put it in the closet. It would join the ranks of things that I can never part with. Such as; Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Bruce Springsteen LPs, baseball cards & comic books of my youth, diplomas and yearbooks. At least the Magic 8 Ball will have friends in retirement to keep it company.

Why did I put the Magic 8 Ball out to pasture? Because I was really mad at the "answers" it had been giving me lately. The Ball was totally messing with me. Today, for example, I asked The Ball one of the most important questions a man can ask: Am I going to meet the girl of my dreams? The Ball responded: "Ask Again Later"

Fine. It's only 10:15. Plenty of time for me to Ask Again Later. I wait patiently for an hour. I keep asking myself, "Is it later yet?" No, wait longer. It's not ready yet. The Ball said later. I'll wait. 11:30, I can't take it anymore. I shake The Ball, concentrate really hard, close my eyes and look down ... "Cannot Predict Now."

Hmm. Cannot Predict NOW? When ARE you going to predict? It's 11:31 and I need to know if I'm going to meet the girl of my dreams! You MUST TELL ME MY FUTURE NOW! Okay, I tell myself, calm down. Think positive thoughts. We like The Ball. The Ball is good. The Ball will be kind to us. We must not anger The Ball. The Ball said it Cannot Predict Now. You must not rush The Ball.

12:45, The Ball and I have been staring at each other for over an hour straight. It sits idly on my desk. Teasing me. Tormenting me. "Come on, shake me, just gimme a shake, one little shake..." it pleads. I can't take it anymore. I grab the ball and furiously start shaking. I shake so hard that millions of tiny blue bubbles rise and cling to the surface. I tightly close my eyes, because as we all know, The Ball requires intense concentration and must not be disturbed with any extraneous thoughts ...

"Better Not Tell You Now" At this point, I really wanted to hurl The Ball out my door. I wanted to side-arm zip that four-inch spherical demon across the room, but I stopped myself. After a couple of minutes of staring at The Ball, it's on. Just me and The Ball, one and one!

I have anxiety. But wait! I'm not concentrating. I'm not following the rules. We all know The Ball cannot operate properly under such conditions. Deep breath. Concentrate. Concentrate. Shake nicely, smile, be happy. ... okay, now look down.

"Concentrate and Ask Again" I couldn't believe it, all of my dreams shattered.Do I dare try again? Shake man shake! What does it say? Will it finally give me an answer? I slowly close my eyes. Sweat drips from my forehead, off my nose. I concentrate. I ask.

WILL I MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS? "Reply Hazy, Try Again" So, there you have it. The Magic 8 Ball never gave me an answer. Now the next best thing is craigslist. Finish off where the Magic 8 Ball failed for this SWM of 39. Love to hear from you, just don't shake me.

Location should read: not on planet earth

Good luck deciphering this ladies.


Craig's List - Boston - m4w
(23)

I need this....

... I just don't know how to look for someone beautiful enough (inside out) to be able to bring this metaphor to reality.

Hoes need not apply

He is trying to change the game, reversing the way a relationship is created. Sex first, then dates.


Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

The naked truth

I really want a down chick that's not about any games becuz Im not.I tried being real in dating..I tried to be just friends..I keep getting the same outcome.Women want to take things further with me but want to play games also.I just want someone to keep it real on any level..The level Im on now is SEX..I know this might sound strange but nothing else worked and sex is a need..When I think about it their's no difference with the chick in the mall ,club or even you if you have sex..The only difference is who you will and wont do it with..SO IF YOU WILL FUCK EVERYBODY IM NOT LOOKING FOR U...If u have read this far and think Im looking for a hoe your not comprehending.The when ..where..and how is on you.I just want you to keep it real.I think if you can be real about sex you can be real with just about anything.I get tired of movies,dinners and spending time 2gether just to find out your on some bs..im about wasting as less time possible

I atleast want to know that your being real and not puting up some front to pretend to be a certain way.At the end up the day we all know what we want.Im about buiness ....Im a cool down to earth dude..This is my first time posting something like this and hopefully the last if i find what i want..Im not trying to fuck multiple women...I have no time for diseases..I look at it this way.Instead of all the games and headaches let's just be upfront with what we want and go from there...if we click then thats whats up if not oh well..I wont overstep my boundaries..Im not going to harass you stalk you or turn physco..I expect the same..

She is the reason they invented the short bus

I can understand where spelling mistakes come from, or grammar errors. But this is ridiculous. Learn your name bitch. Tattoo it on your hand so when you wake up in the morning you have a reminder.


Craig's List - Los Angeles - w4m


Nobody puts Katie in a corner - 47

My name is Heather. I have been divorced for several years now. Just got out of a bad relationship recently. I live in the area and I have been here in the area for 5+ years. Looking to meet new peope to hang out with and get to know?each other more.

Looking for "Pin Pall"

Who knew inmates had internet access? This is the third or so post I've featured on this blog that is from an inmate. Maybe I should stop looking at Craig's List ads in Reno.


Craig's List - Reno, NV - m4w


INMATE LOOKING FOR PIN PALL - 39

MY NAME IS DAVE ALMOND AND I AM CURRENTLY SERVING MY TIME IN A NEVADA PRISON
GOOD PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS AND BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
I AM 39 I WEIGH 196 I HAVE BROWN HAIR BLUE EYES MED BUILD 5.6 .
MY BIRTHDAY IS ON NOVEMBER 18 ,
I LIKE TO RIDE MY MOTORCYCLE , LOVE LONG RIDES THE BEST,
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WRITE ME I AM LOOKING FOR A PEN PAL
HERE IS MY ADDRESS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WRITE ME
DAVE ALMOND #XXXXX
WARMSPRINGS CORRECTIONAL CENTER
XXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXX


Won't be doing much motorcycle riding these days...

Broken space key?

He somehow managed to spell beneficiary correctly, then got lazy on the rest of it. The space key was invented for a reason buddy.


Craig's List - San Bernadino - m4w


Seeking Female Beneficiary To Relocate Free Rent& Money2 Spend 4Us+Car

White.fourtyfour.yrs.six'three".twoThirtyFive.brn/blu.quiet Warm three bedroom location seeking female that may need to relocate south/west free rent extra car ∨ truck twoTenFiftySeven,near,fifteenFwy. enjoy trips to vegas,laughlin,mexico+;420+ motorcycle friendly requested

What's good for the goose isn't gooood for the gander

I'd sooner go out and get drunk and let the beer goggles do all the work. Then again, she might already BE drunk.

Girl Going Drinking Looking for Guy - w4m (southern md )
Date: 2009-09-14, 7:34AM EDT
hey thanks for looking at my ad
im looking for someone that can make my heart skip a couple beats
i know this is very very little info but if you want to know more just email me
here are the kinds of guys im not looking for
i dont want druggies, alcholics, potheads
' and under
skinny body figure sorry i just dont feel safe
but not to fat either
extreme party boy those are the types that has to go to for a drink every weekend
kind of guys im looking for
funny humor
love going out doors traveling or sports
coooking
watching movies at home
cuddling naked with out having sex
that isnt ashame of public affection
between the ages of -
or not eastern
kinda old fashion but still modern
when emailing please include pictures or yourself because i dont wanna get spammed or pranked on
if your not serious please dont reply

Intense cravings

I have heard that pregnancy can cause some serious cravings but a craving for lady-loving is a new one to me. She seems serious about not having any EXTRA guys...she must have all the men she needs.

Pregnat girl and hubby seek playful bifem - mw4w - 26 (gulf shores)

7 months preg searching for a girl just to have fun with let us know. not junkies just laid back good looking fun couple. no guys

It is not a secret

It's true and it's about time men admit it!



"Me and My Ideal Match"

Recently moved back to New Orleans after a couple of years in New York City. It is great to be back.

I am an actor/director/writer and will begin teaching some theatre classes at a couple of the Universities in the fall. Seeing what is out there... been burned before but then, who hasn't? If we had successful relationships we probably wouldn't be on here. Such is life... I cry at night.

Looking for a mute, bitter, angry, bipolar, sword-swallowing contortionist chef with low self esteem.



from Yahoo personals

Business Proposition

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


Broke? Desperate? Struggling Financially? - 25

You shouldn't be. Not if you're an attractive, young, sexually liberated female, that is. Women have been using there sexuality for success since the beginning of time, and there's no reason you should be any different. Sex for profit is and always will be a lucrative venture; And yes, it's recession/depression-proof so f(uc)k the state of the economy. But...you absolutely need a knowledgeable promoter and manager to advise and market you. It takes good management to attract and retain affluent clientele - and affluent clients lead to a lot of cash...

If you think you can follow good direction, tell me a little about yourself. We'll discuss the options and go from there.


And posting an ad in the Craig's List personals proves this guy knows "affluent clients." Ha.

I think he thinks wonderful=racist

So many things wrong with this guy.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Wonderful man seeks tiny asian plaything

I am an attentive, loving man under the age of 35 with many positive attributes and few negatives. Financially stable but publicly private, I seek a beautiful intelligent asian girl for a variety of activities and wonderful pleasant experiences. I have no other requirements, and do not care if your English is good, because i probably will not speak your language either. Have an open mind, and please reply with a picture.


Ummm attentive? To what? Obviously not anything she says because he doesn't care if he talks to her. Oh and "publicly private"? Whatever that means.

2's company, 3's a crowd, 4 is a gang-bang?

http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/cas/1335436800.html

Craig's List - Dallas - w4m

GANGBANG GUYS NEEDED

I am a married white female 44 yrs of age. my husband wanted me to participate in a gang bang in sept. I am white a little heavy blonde hair blue eyes. You must be clean, and WELL HUNG. Short c!cks will be considered if its really fat. Rules are simple, you send c!ck pics, me and my husband choose, we contact you if you are chosen. I ONLY SWALLOW MY HUSBAND NO ANAL. RUBBERS WILL BE WORN DURING SEX AND NO KISSING. sIMPLE, i JUST NEED ABOUT 4 GUYS TO TAKE ME ON. DATE IS FOR MID SEPT.
*censored by me


Interestingly enough this ad was not placed in the casual encounters section.

Rhyme Time

I know part of reading poetry is interpreting its meaning, but in this case, no extra thought is needed.



Pounced.org - m4w - 31 - U.K.


Green Eyed Loving Reading Fur Looking To Make A Female Purr





Now if your like, A mad hatter,
Then hollar me, For a natter.
We'd make a nutty, Cooky crew,
As for the record, Im Insane too.

If you want, An RP or four,
Hopefully even, Something moar.
I am always, Feeling yiffy,
Able to pounce, In a jiffy.

I am not fierce, But will gently Nibble,
Till your jucies, Flow and Dribble.
My darker side, Ill hold at bay,
Bottled up, For deviant play.

Now its passed, Valentines week,
And a female, I still seek.
So if you like, What you see,
Then cum up and, Approach me.

Especially seeking, UK fur,
As long distances, Can deter.
A soulmate I, Do hope to find,
To share a furry, Life in kind.

If youll be, The one for me,
The heights of pleaseure, We shall see.
Forever more, Two spirits one,
From now until, Kingdom come.

Best of Both Worlds

This is not the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana use of the phrase "Best of Both Worlds"...

Craig's List - Nashville, TN - m4w


Best of Both Worlds





I have alot to offer the right woman. I'm from a good family, am college educated, I'm articulate (that means I speak well), I'm classy and sophisticated, charming and funny. I am attractive and know how to treat a lady.
On the other hand, I have my evil twin brother that is the bad boy side of me. I'm a former porn stud with a thick 8 inch package thats very well experienced. I am straight, clean and tested, and can find a g spot in a minute and teach you new and exciting things. I taught porn 101 in California, teaching new performers in the adult video business. I have been in a few hundred videos and have proof if you'd like to see. I'm orally gifted and can make to writhe in ecstasy over and over again. I will reply with pics if you'd like. request which pics you'd prefer...the good boy or the bad boy. So, if you are curious/ intrigued about the whole thing and want to be exhausted by a true professional...let me know.





Sounds like he is applying for a job, listing his qualifications on a resume.

The Polar Bear of Justice is here!

Pounced.org- Dartmouth, CA - 25




The Polar Bear of Justice is here!

Xander is a samurai polar bear, one of the last remnants of a secret project from Sector 7 of the Canadian Army. He has a very high IQ, a very strong sense of justice, and bears a strong grudge against anyone who would cause harm to the innocent.
He can regularly be found watching anime, playing video games, building computers, or practicing his sword arts.

"I am the white void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With sword in hand shall I reap the sins of this world and cleanse it in the fires of destruction."


What does that even mean, polar bear of justice? Your guess is as good as mine!

Personals or Classifieds?

He forgot to mention how often he needs oil changes, how much money gassing him up costs, or trying to find a place to park him.


Craig's List - Sacramento - m4w

Slightly Used-Great Condition - 68 (Roseville)

A 1935 model that runs well and looks great. Starts up easily and runs smooth, standard sized motor. In spite of the high mileage it has all it's original parts.A great relaxing ride and will take you where you want to go. After you take it for a test ride you may want to own it. Reply now, no obligation. Picture upon request.

Hairy Scary

He didn't need to state over and over how hairy he is. We aren't blind.







Pounced.org

Age: 29
Location: Hialeah FL,US
Seeking: Male,Female,Trans
Species: Mammal-Gorilla(I'm a magical extra hairy gorilla !)

I'm a magical gorilla that takes intense pride in working out and growing hair. One day I hope to be as hairy as my fursona...My gorilla form can grow hair and muscle size as much as he wants, anytime he wants. I am very kinky and like almost anything you can cum up with. Just lets talk about it. So hit me up for a real goood sexy time



Overly hairy AND magical? What a catch!

Kitty or Horse?

Craig's List - Los Angeles - w4w

Need Kitty to PLay with - 23 (Valley )

hey there I'm a cute hispanic Bi female looking for a local cute girl to play with. I've been super horny all day and want to taste the pussy and fuk w my strap on. no MEN NO MEN PLEASE!!! im cute size 10 and fun. im really looking to play so if you want hit me up

Size 10 huh? I just had to add this because these boobs are unreal. She probably didn't show the rest of her because she is likely hunched over and crippled from supporting those bad boys.

Another case of the crazies

Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m (39)

SWF for SBM - I need to be taken care of and will spoil you in return

Her ad is long, so I will summarize the first part and post the rest. She starts off telling us she "WILL NOT SETTLE!" is not looking for a booty call, and that she "is very involved in my church and my community and hope to find someone that may share some of my interest in working with at-risk teens." She finishes with some photos and an excerpt of a blog post she wrote. The photos:








So many questions running through my head: what church is she "very involved" with? Which at-risk teens is she helping? And what exactly is she doing to help them? But I digress. Now the blog excerpt she decides to post:


"Why do we struggle so much with our inherent beings? Men are men and women are women. I, for one, enjoy being a woman and would never want to be a man. I enjoy being protected, cared for, desired. I also enjoy caring for, nurturing, pampering, and loving my man. What is so wrong about that? Feminism has struck at the very core of human nature. Women are now expected to be men and men are supposed to like it. In pop culture a woman having it all is the ideal (her own house, her own car, her own high power job, her own sexuality). Who is taking care of the family? Men have become dispensable, nothing more than objects to hang our arms on. They aren't needed to be father's, husbands, providers, protectors, or lovers, they are simply sperm donors. No wonder our society in in such a mess! We have broken down the head of the family, through constant male bashing, and replaced him with the all powerful woman. This is not the natural order of things! And we wonder why our young men are filling the prison system to the breaking point? We tell them that men have no value and then expect them to value themselves. They didn't need a father so why do their offspring need them? We need to rebuild our families with the man as the head of the household, not some dispensable nincompoop like we see portrayed in the media. This should be the number one priority in our society. We can't solve all of our problems over night. But, I believe that if we help to build up our men, place them back at the head of the family, restore their rightful position and give them the honor, respect, dignity, admiration, and encouragement they deserve, we will see our society turn around in a generation. Our children need fathers, our sons need to learn how to be men and our daughters need them to be husbands to them and fathers to their children. "



If you want to read more here's the full ad: http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/w4m/1359182933.html

Insults away!

Seems to be the theme of ads recently: insult the women you are trying to get. Not really the best approach. But I'm sure that isn't the only reason this lovely gentleman is single.






Hot or Not - Stamford, CT - m4w (39)

A woman finds out that all her "relationships" and "boyfriends" were just hookups when it's time to get married and none can be found. Your "boyfriends" may be hotter, richer, taller etc. , but I will marry you and keep you forever. And if a man is not gonna make and raise children with you, it's as pointless as paying for window shopping. Anybody will give you "that". Is "that" all what you are currently getting? Even mail order brides are brides, not "relationships" that can end with one liner. How come even they are doing better than you?

Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb, You're My Sex Bomb

Technically, he is a doctor of love.


JDate.com - Los Angeles, CA - m4w
username: ChingChongStein






I have a Ph. D. in sexology, and I am a Chinese Jew. That's right. That means i am from China. I am on the special care list of M.I.B., and I am fun and outgoing. I am looking for hot kosher ladies to have some hot nights with me.

For the Love of God!

These are the type of ads I expect from Craig's List, not from a paid dating site like JDate.com. Always a good plan to flip off potential dates and use incorrect grammar and spelling. Highly recommended.


JDate.com - Great Neck, NY - m4w
username: ssoheils

My past relationships:

past relationship has always something to teach you. ii have learned from past relationship that meeting someone should be with n=interest.if i realy don't like someone i don't have to date that person.

I am looking for a:

the person i would like to meet should be axactly like myself. every one has diferent charachters ,but the person i want to meet should have good manners and respect and that's all.

_____________________________________________


JDate.com - Schenectady, NY - m4w
username: alisinaBCBB




in the name of god my name is ali sina in iran of isfahan my avg is 24 --