Sunday, September 20, 2009

If the magic 8 ball fails, there's always Craig's List

This one is a little long, but I thought it was worth it. At first it seems like the guy is just joking about the 8 ball running his life - but he goes into so much detail that I think he's for real.

Craig's List - Boston - m4w

Magic 8 Ball, will this SWM of 39 meet the girl of my dreams?

Up until now, I had a Magic 8 Ball. I have used it daily to help guide me through some of life's toughest questions and decisions.

Just minutes ago, I decided to pack up the The Ball and put it in the closet. It would join the ranks of things that I can never part with. Such as; Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Bruce Springsteen LPs, baseball cards & comic books of my youth, diplomas and yearbooks. At least the Magic 8 Ball will have friends in retirement to keep it company.

Why did I put the Magic 8 Ball out to pasture? Because I was really mad at the "answers" it had been giving me lately. The Ball was totally messing with me. Today, for example, I asked The Ball one of the most important questions a man can ask: Am I going to meet the girl of my dreams? The Ball responded: "Ask Again Later"

Fine. It's only 10:15. Plenty of time for me to Ask Again Later. I wait patiently for an hour. I keep asking myself, "Is it later yet?" No, wait longer. It's not ready yet. The Ball said later. I'll wait. 11:30, I can't take it anymore. I shake The Ball, concentrate really hard, close my eyes and look down ... "Cannot Predict Now."

Hmm. Cannot Predict NOW? When ARE you going to predict? It's 11:31 and I need to know if I'm going to meet the girl of my dreams! You MUST TELL ME MY FUTURE NOW! Okay, I tell myself, calm down. Think positive thoughts. We like The Ball. The Ball is good. The Ball will be kind to us. We must not anger The Ball. The Ball said it Cannot Predict Now. You must not rush The Ball.

12:45, The Ball and I have been staring at each other for over an hour straight. It sits idly on my desk. Teasing me. Tormenting me. "Come on, shake me, just gimme a shake, one little shake..." it pleads. I can't take it anymore. I grab the ball and furiously start shaking. I shake so hard that millions of tiny blue bubbles rise and cling to the surface. I tightly close my eyes, because as we all know, The Ball requires intense concentration and must not be disturbed with any extraneous thoughts ...

"Better Not Tell You Now" At this point, I really wanted to hurl The Ball out my door. I wanted to side-arm zip that four-inch spherical demon across the room, but I stopped myself. After a couple of minutes of staring at The Ball, it's on. Just me and The Ball, one and one!

I have anxiety. But wait! I'm not concentrating. I'm not following the rules. We all know The Ball cannot operate properly under such conditions. Deep breath. Concentrate. Concentrate. Shake nicely, smile, be happy. ... okay, now look down.

"Concentrate and Ask Again" I couldn't believe it, all of my dreams shattered.Do I dare try again? Shake man shake! What does it say? Will it finally give me an answer? I slowly close my eyes. Sweat drips from my forehead, off my nose. I concentrate. I ask.

WILL I MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS? "Reply Hazy, Try Again" So, there you have it. The Magic 8 Ball never gave me an answer. Now the next best thing is craigslist. Finish off where the Magic 8 Ball failed for this SWM of 39. Love to hear from you, just don't shake me.

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