Thursday, August 20, 2009

drugs are bad, if you do drugs you are bad.

i have no idea what she is saying through most of the ad, do you?

OkCupid! Santa Barbara, CA


My creatures of nightmare are marine isopods! These Lovecraftian monstrosities ought never to have existed outside the wandering dreams of delirious fever--particularly the beastie which will actually destroy a large fish's tongue and attach its horrendous little pincers to the remaining stub in order to settle in as a macabre replacement. I know fish aren't particularly intelligent, but surely there's vague, ghastly comprehension of what horror has befallen them? I once saw a picture of a person actually cradling an enormous species of one of these miscreations in his bare hands and even the memory of its evil silvery eyes and the tiny dents its countless needle-like extremities pressed into his flesh overwhelms me with a wave of sweaty, nauseous dread.

On the subject of temperaments and personalities, I have always wanted to be Inara or Zoe but am irrevocably, squarely in the Kaylee real estate. Not that she isn't, you know, shiny.

Most private thing I am willing to admit here: I like sex most of the time, I have had a Brazilian bikini wax (it hurt), I still get acne before my period, and I cured a yeast infection on several occasions by wearing a peeled garlic clove in my cooter for 24 hours. It works!

Live long and prosper? Please don't.

1 comment:

  1. I would not admit to having worn a peeled clove of garlic in my vagina as a first step toward meeting my next boyfriend.

    I would also not compose a personal ad while I was a hopped up on goofballs. Or Meth.