This post is brought to you by the letter T

What do you think the T shape made of condoms means? After reading his ad, I don't want to know! Great way to get girls to want to date you.

JDate.com - New York, NY - m4w
kennysmallz (23)

About Me Irish-Jewish. jewfro. kind of like a 12 year old. sveldt. like undergrads. a lot. not very good at the alley oop but can set a pretty sick screen. awesome comebacks are my specialty. i had a hamster but it died (long story), that happens a lot. Can you guess what the T on my shirt standards for? If you went with transgender you're almost right.

Let's see those "original teeth"

He should have rethought the outfit if he is seeking someone sharply dressed...






JDate - Englewood, J - m4w - 26
username: msgmomoney816

My name is Jeantov, I am a Single Active male with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser. Athletic build 6'0" (used to be 6'2").Desperately lonely loser,miserable,apat hetic, tired of tv and watching my friends hair fall out. Seeks depressed, unattractive Jewish female, no sense of humor,searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problemMatching white shoes and belt a plus. . Lets catch up sometime--you can lead the way

Cuz sippin' sizzurp at Mom's is freakin' awesome

His Keywords
* adult swim
* apple bottom
* barre
* basketball
* beans
* candy paint
* dj greddy
* dj trashy
* drank
* dubs
* fast cars
* hot
* lean
* lonely
* mexican food
* mustang gt
* nice guy
* purple
* sippin
* sizzurp
* street racing
* tan
* trance breaks

His Introduction
Im just looking for a nice girl that wants to go out and have fun.

Another jailbird

Definitely the right time in his life for a commitment!!


Craig's List - Austin - m4w


ladies of austin/dont judge me - 30

I am an nice looking and attractive BLk Mle have pics
THE BAD NEWS................. I recently got into a fight with a young punk at a bar. Long story short I ended up going to jail for 70 days. During this time I was evicted from my apt, lost all my furniture, lost my truck, clothes and pretty much all my belonging...Basically I am starting out all over again
THE GOOD NEWS ............
I love kids, its ok if you have some
. I am very romantic, am a true southern gent, I am a man who loves to please. I love to cuddle afterwards and am a great kisser.
Hopefully there is a good woman in ATX who recognizes Diamond potential.
let me know and lets exchange numbers

No Fat Chicks Allowed

Yet this guy does not add a real picture of himself. Makes you wonder.

Craig's List - Austin - m4w


90% OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD IS OVERWEIGHT CAN I FIND SOMEONE IN THAT 10% - 30
IM A BLACK ATHELETIC JOCK TYPE GUY
LOOKING FOR A LADY WITH A NICE STOMACH AND NICE LEGS
I DONT CARE BOUT RACE OR HOW U LOOK JUST DONT BE FAT
KIDS OK SMOKE OR DRINKING OK
JUST HAD TO MANY BAD EXPERIENCES WITH BIG WOMEN SORRY

I Will PUMP YOU UP!!!

I thought Rice-a-Roni was the San Francisco treat. I believe I was mistaken.


Craig's List - Las Vegas - m4w

I WILL PUMP UP THE VOLUME! ITALIAN THUNDER FROM SAN FRANCISCO - 43

This is a REAL ********** SAN FRANCISCO TREAT! ************* ALL POWERHOUSE AND LEAN PORTER HOUSE MEAT! I AM A PROTECTING BODYGUARD AND CAN THROW THE WEIGHT AROUND! ANYONE UP FOR A MATCH ! ANYONE! TO ALL GIRLS! A RESPECT MAN AND MINDED MAN DOES NOT ATTACK! WHEN THE CHALLENGE IS BOUNDERED! IT IS ON AND GOING! SO WITH NO MISTAKE! FOOLS AND IDIOTS SHOW OFF TO GET A PEICE OF ASS! NO RESPECT! NO PRIDE AND HONOR!

IT IS ABOUT FUN AND FUN OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!! THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL BE PROVIDED WITH ME!!!!!!

I AM *************** BOBBY **************** YOUR THUNDER IN THE SKY! AND RAINBOW IN THE LIGHT! LETS MAKE IT RIGHT AND HOPE TO SEE YOU TONIGHT!

I AM ONE SICK SON OF A BI ** T ***CH AIN'T """ I"""" RIGHT! HMMMMM! REMEMBER THIS IS JUST A PIC OF SECURITY! NOT A ACTION OF VIOLENCE O.K








My question is, who took these pictures?

Nerd Alert!

Good luck to you buddy!


Craig's List - London - m4w

Wanted: vivacious, and financially independent woman. - 23

Video game prodigy looking for vivacious, and financially independent woman for loving relationship lived in accordance to the philosophies of Hubbard.

Must enjoy dressing up as video game characters in a sexual scenario.

A little about me... my name is Valentin and i'm a self employed kitchen and bathroom designer. When i'm not making housewives dreams come true i write music, play golf and display virtuoso like talent with an xbox controller.

I wonder why...

Craig's List - London - m4m

SEEKING DISABLED GUY - 50 (CENTRAL LONDON)

WILL SOON BE VISITING LONDON AND WOULD LOVE TO GET TOGETHER WITH A HOT SEXY DISABLED GUY. A REAL TURN ON! AMPUTEE. POLIO. LIMP. WHEELCHAIR. ALL VERY HOT. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. CAN BE LOTS OF FUN!

AnNoYiNg AdS

He spent too much time on the wrong things in this ad. Too much time on making the LeTtErS lOoK StUpId, not enough time on spelling, or on just thinking twice before typing.


Craig's List - Seattle - m4w

WaT u Do N fRidAy nIghAt LeT gO crUZ n - 21

HeY wAt uP wAt yA LadiEs dO n fRiDay NigHt.. i WaZ thInK n goInG CRuz N In KeNt.. FiRdAy NiGht.. Let gO aNd c SuM rAcES.. HellA peOplE gOnnA b thIr sO It GoNna B cRazY.. sO iF u iN tO riCe RocKeT AnD faSt CaR ThAt a PlUs.. So HeRe SuM sTufF aBoUt mE iM aSiaN.. CaMboDiaN tO b ExZAC.. iM 5/5 sO iM sHoRT... NoT sKinNy Nor faT bUt bIg bOnED WitT SuM mEaT.. sO Im JuS LooKinG 4 suM One tO HaNg OuT WiT or tO kIc it U KnOw... tHaT All and c hOw it GoeS FrOM tHir.. i GOt a LittLe RiCe RoCkEt tO It a BlUe HonDa CuPe... Wit a caRbiN HoOd.. WiT gSr On iT.. PreTTy StOcK.. ThaT BacEllY It HoPe 2 heRe FroM u Or c U ThiR iN kEnt at dA JaC In Da CRacK NeXt To Da theAtRe..

Fake Jon Gosselin Match.com

Too funny.

Talk about baggage

From reader JB, thanks for your submission!

Craig's List - Reno NV - m4w


This guy has been through a lot it seems, considering he is only 20. And talk about baggage. This guy has more baggage than an airport. Good luck being his sloppy seconds!


Please read i'm confused - 20

I think this will be my last posting on craigslist so please read. My heart is in pieces right now. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like i'm still in love with my ex. I feel like she is the one that got away. But she has two kids and is with someone but she still tells me she loves me and wants to get back with me. I feel the same way or at least i think i do. See the relationships i've had since her have been pointless i never felt really connected with them. You know what i mean. I had a deep connection with my ex. It's like i was actually in love and it was a new feeling to me. Anyways i think i just need a new relationship with someone i can connect with. A part of me believes that i don't need to get back with my ex it's just bad relationships talking. I think a good girl will make me forget about getting back with her and make all these confusing feelings go away. I'm having a hell of a time expressing myself here so sorry to the people who read this. Anyways if you think you've got what i need please contact me. I would tell you what i need but i'm not even sure myself.


He may not know what he needs but I sure know - starts with thera and ends with py.

All 4 One lyrics really gets the guys going...

"I Can Love You Like That"... - 45 (Waxahachie)
Date: 2009-08-21, 10:14AM CDT

Ever heard the lyrics to this beautiful love song? They are very passionate, sexy, and sweet. Some say that it's only a dream, but I am a dreamer... I believe dreams do come true. I have hope and faith that mine will. I have my own home, a job, and a beautiful family. They are grown and on their own. What I don't have, but definately want, is the right man to share the most beautiful, sweet, and passionate romance with that lasts a lifetime. My very best friend, lover, and true confidant. If you share these hopes, then I will be glad to hear from you. If you're playing games, not serious or real, looking for casual sex, FWB, NSA, hookups, discreet relationships, to cheat on your mate, can't or won't commit, don't have time for a relationship, then I am not the lady for you. Please, let's not waste each others' time. Life is too short for that, and if any of these things are the case, then I won't give you the time of day. I know what I want, and I won't settle for anything less. So, be sure of yourself and what you want before you respond. I realize that my post is rather lengthy, but well worth the read to the right man. You may say that I'm picky. Well, I am. While I realize that it may be impossible to find everything that we're looking for in a mate, I believe that if you're clear about what you want and what you don't want, then you can come pretty close. I am not perfect, no one is. Perfection isn't what I'm looking for, but I feel that there is someone that is perfect for me, and me for him.

Why is it so hard to find a good, quality man? I know that there are some out there, but where? I am hoping to find my very best friend, soulmate, lifelong companion, and the "love of my life". I'm in search of someone that is honest, loyal, devoted, intelligent, kind, caring, compassionate, romantic, and passionate. A man with a good heart that is loving and sweet. One that is not afraid to make a commitment. A strong and confident man.

Occasional, social drinking is fine, as long as you don't have a problem with alcohol. Absolutely no drugs! No angry, violent men! No mental or control issues. No games/players. No couch potatoes. Not that I don't enjoy watching television from time to time, but I like to get out once in a while and enjoy life... have fun.

I prefer a man from 40 up to about 50, that is not overweight, has a great sense of humor, and knows what's important in life. One of those very important things is how he should treat his lady...how to appreciate and respect her. If a man knows how to treat his woman and love her in every aspect, then just think of all the benefits he has in store. If she's feeling it, then she can't help but to give him all that he wants and needs, and make him the best loved man in the world. It's a win, win situation. One hand washes the other, so to speak.

He doesn't have to be gq, but he should be handsome, after all, we should be physically attracted to each other. I prefer someone taller than myself, because sometimes I do wear heels, and I wouldn't want to tower over him. Being able to communicate with each other is utterly important, and trust is absolutely monumental. I want a gentleman, a man that is all "good", but can be a little "bad" when the timing is right. I want a real man, a great lover... all of this and more to be "the man of my dreams".

I want the "fairytale" romance... a sweet, beautiful love affair to last a lifetime with my very best friend. I'm worth it and I deserve it. I believe that two people who are compatible and have the same aspirations can make this lovely dream a reality.

I want peace of mind, contentment, happiness, and the security of knowing that you know, that we have something special and unique. Something that everyone hopes for, but not all have found, to prove that it can be done. It can.
...and it goes on....

I want a man with virtue and integrity, and that keeps his word. A man is only as good as his word, and a woman too, for that matter. I want it all, is that too much to ask for? Not in my opinion. I believe in love, and I don't believe it's as hard as so many make it out to be. Sure, you have to work on it, nurture it... but isn't that what it's all about? Anything worth having is worth the time and effort you put into it. It's like putting daily deposits into your savings account, and before you know it, you have so much that you can never possibly use it up in a life time. A lifetime of love and happiness. Love is worth it, it's the greatest gift of all. That's the good stuff.

About me, I stand between 5'7"-5'8", weigh in the mid 130's, have beautiful, green eyes, lovely, long, brunette hair, nice, full lips, and a sweet, pretty smile. I am a very pretty lady. I am not haughty or conceited, but I would say that my self esteem is pretty healthy. I don't need other peoples' opinions to make me feel validated. I know my self worth... my inner and outer beauty.

I enjoy reading, antiques, music (most kinds), dancing, movies, flea markets, yard sales, outdoor festivals, art, gardening, fishing, amusement parks, museums, an occasional night out, etc. I'm pretty easy going, intelligent, and I love to laugh. I am warm, friendly, sweet, loving and kind. I am the real deal, and I have a good heart. I am honest, faithful and loyal.

I'm 45 and very proud to say that I look very youthful for that age. I am not your typical looking mother of three grown children, and nanna of two grandsons. In fact, most people say that my children and I look like siblings. I adore my children and my grandsons...THEY ARE THE WORLD TO ME. I have pets and I love animals, the outdoors, and all of creation.

No, I am not perfect, but I do take care of myself, and know what's really important in life. We all have ups and downs, and sometimes things are tough, and I am no exception. We have to live, and hopefully, learn how to deal with lifes issues. That's all we can do. Life has it's share of mountains and valleys, it just makes it more worth it if you have that certain, special someone to share it with.

I believe in God, I believe in family, I believe in America, I believe in love, and I believe in myself. Is there someone out there that I can believe in? Do you want someone to believe in you?

Please, no married men, men with boyfriends, men with girlfriends. No three ways, no four ways, or any kind of other way. Just one man and one woman, that's what I'm all about. I'm monogamous ONLY, and I expect that in return. No exceptions. I want long term, committed, and someday, possibly marriage. Yes, I do want marriage again. This time, forever. I'm worth it, and so are you, if that's what you're looking for.

Life is too short, we're not promised tomorrow, so we should all have what our heart desires. I'm not looking for perfection... only the man that's perfect for me. I know you're out there... somewhere, and I hope we find each other.

Please respond if you share the same hopes and dreams, but if you're not serious or sincere, well, you'll have to look elsewhere. If you are interested, have something to say... tell me all about yourself. Let's chat for a while, talk on the phone, get to know each other, see if we have our own unique chemistry... and meet. Give it some thought, have a nice day, and I hope to hear from you.

P.S. I am very serious and sincere in who I say that I am and in what I hope to find, and in whom I'm looking for. You should be the same. Please, no one or two liners. If you're looking to cheat on your wife or girfriend, then I'm definately not the girl for you. I don't like it, don't believe in it, and will not be a part of it. I want someone that will be mine, and mine alone.

Thanks and have a nice day.

Peace...

Two steps back in the gay rights movement

looking for broke str8 boys - w4m - 26 (plano)
Date: 2009-08-21, 5:55PM CDT
Looking for a broke str8 guy who wants to make some monday tonight...

I am a gay guy looking for another hot hung str8 guy to use/abuse me for cash... just name ur price...

Looking for frat boy hazing gone bad... looking to get hit/beating/used/abused hard core... Make me suffer hard for being a fagg... hit/kick/beat my nuts... whatever

send a pic and under 30 plz

drugs are bad, if you do drugs you are bad.

i have no idea what she is saying through most of the ad, do you?


OkCupid! Santa Barbara, CA




cosmogonic_

My creatures of nightmare are marine isopods! These Lovecraftian monstrosities ought never to have existed outside the wandering dreams of delirious fever--particularly the beastie which will actually destroy a large fish's tongue and attach its horrendous little pincers to the remaining stub in order to settle in as a macabre replacement. I know fish aren't particularly intelligent, but surely there's vague, ghastly comprehension of what horror has befallen them? I once saw a picture of a person actually cradling an enormous species of one of these miscreations in his bare hands and even the memory of its evil silvery eyes and the tiny dents its countless needle-like extremities pressed into his flesh overwhelms me with a wave of sweaty, nauseous dread.

On the subject of temperaments and personalities, I have always wanted to be Inara or Zoe but am irrevocably, squarely in the Kaylee real estate. Not that she isn't, you know, shiny.

Most private thing I am willing to admit here: I like sex most of the time, I have had a Brazilian bikini wax (it hurt), I still get acne before my period, and I cured a yeast infection on several occasions by wearing a peeled garlic clove in my cooter for 24 hours. It works!



Live long and prosper? Please don't.

Hey, at least he rhymes!

Locked up, and looking - 27 (Prison)

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. With the two pictures that I’ve got on this page and the little bit about me I hope that you can learn a little something. I like long walks on the beach, dinner by candle light.....Naw I’m playin’. I forgot that this isn’t Match.com, this is tough. A page you come across, read and learn real quickly that I am not “that average guy”. I come from the corner pocked state, where there’s “D’s”, goatees, and green trees. Where the money is long and the trees are strong. I am a boss by nature, charismatic, energetic, and very motivated. Unfortunately my strong motivation caused me to take a short and unexpected vacation. Which made me realize, I always have to keep my grass short so I can see the snakes, so if you correspond with a good dude then hit me up. I have good intentions in all aspects of life, by all means drop me a line, networking is the key to all success. It’s not what you know, it’s the who. Hate it or love it, the underdog will be back on top real soon. Su’woop to all my dawgs; One Love One Blood.

Shoot me a message with a picture of you if you want. I am in prison right now, my homie on the streets will give you my address and you can write me.

This Girl Should Give Mini-Me a Call

*picture not part of ad - added by us because it's funny.


Craig's List - Seattle - w4m

Amazonian-like woman, seeks oompa-loompa - 25

I'm a 6"6' broad woman seeking a shorter than short male. But he has to be HUNG??

Fetish time!

Craig's List - Merced, California - m4w

I will pay you for your breast milk

Yes, I have a fetish for breast milk. Yes, I will drink it. I also really prefer to drink straight from the tap, or have you squirt it into my mouth. Either way, I need your boob juice. If you are interested, reply to the email link below ad we'll talk.
______________________________________________

Craig's List - Humbolt, California - m4w

Wanted: Asian woman to let me eat Orange Chicken from her crotch. - 26

I have a secret fetish with Chinese Food, specifically Orange Chicken. I want a special woman to share this with me so I can fulfill her fantasy in return.

When I'm done eating, we're going to get BUSY!

Then I'm going to crack open a fortune cookie and read it into your ears, ever so seductively. Then we are going to cuddle all night! How does that sound? Write me back! Only serious inquiries please!
______________________________________________


Craig's List - South Bend, IN - m4w

Please poo in my mouth - 23

Females only... Looking to fulfill a fetish... and maybe I can help you with yours. It's not every day you find a guy willing to fall to his knees, worship you, and do pretty much anything you ask (not involving financials)... I want to help people explore their fetishes... everyone has em.... and trying new things are always a turn on. So if you are female, and want to make me your toilet... lemme know...
_______________________________________________


Craig's List - Cincinnati, OH - m4w

Cum explore your sleep fetish :)~ - 29

Do you get off on the idea of having sex with someone while they are asleep, or while they act like they're sleeping? Or maybe they have sex with you while you're asleep or act like it. If you do, then you have a sleep fetish :) I'm looking to explore my sleep fetish with the right lady and have fun with it. A little about me...I'm 29, white (Italian) single, professional and in good shape physically. I'm looking for a girl 18-30, attractive and must be in shape physically.




Chappelle's Show's "I want to pee on you" is ringing through my head right now.

I think I found a Match for Debby Downer

When I first saw this guy's picture I thought, could it be Screech? Sounds like the story of his life. Fo' sho.

JDate, New York, NY


The other night i went downtown to meet up with some friends at a karoake bar. Not my type of scene...in fact I dread a karaoke bar for the simple fact that i could eventually be forced to sing a song that should have remained in the 70's. But I digress, I walk out and what was my punishment for going to a karaoke bar? My car got totalled while parked on the street. That sums my life up in a nutshell. Everything I do, no matter how I hard I work and how good things can get, somethin completely freaky and unexplainable happens that derails me............so be it


*play Debby Downer music* Not really convincing me it is a good idea to date this guy, much less be within 500 feet of him...

From complex.com's compilation of most bizarre Craig's List ads

I posted my favs below. See full list here


PIZZA + JO - 42

42 dwm wants a man to come over and split a deep dish pep. and extra cheese. Its large and very greasy. Come over and rub a slice on abs and chest. Let me see your ripped arms and legs covered in sauce and cheese put your legs up on the couch ! Let me help you rub pizza in your pits after a hard day. You want pizzapits?? Im your man Reply with your fav toppings and i will see what we can do.


i want to pay ONE DOLLAR to have sex with a hot bitch - m4w - 22

why? simply to make you feel like the dirty whore that you are (you clicked on the post right?). the terms are not negotiable, no more or less than a dollar. i have pics. all applicants must send pics as well.

if you end up being ugly, i will still have sex with you, but i will pay in pennies.


Amputee? - m4m - 52

I’m not an amp, but I am interested in you as a whole person and as an amputee. I’m GWM, 52, HWP, and I’d welcome your reply.


Fart Bud Wanted - 24

Bi dude looking for a masc. guy who has rank farts. If you can clear a room then hit me up. I wanna inhale every bit of your raunch man stink. I am open to more if we vibe but I really wanna taste your eggs.

Clean, normal, D/D free, you be too. Send stats and a little be about yourself. Would be cool if this could be a regular thing.


CAR HEAD FOR OLDER SENIORS

LOOKING FOR SENIOR MEN OVER 60, (OLDER THE BETTER) WHO WANT TO RECEIVE A NSA BLOWJOB IN THEIR CAR. LET ME PROVIDE FOR YOU WHAT YOUR WIFE WONT ANY LONGER. WE MEET, I GET IN, I SUCK YOU OFF, THEN LEAVE. IM CLEAN, MARRIED, HEALTHY, AND DISCREET, YOU NEED BE TOO. RESPOND WITH YOUR STATS PLEASE.


I’m big and ugly but want to get l aid today! - w4m - 34

I want a no strings attached f buddy that is responsible and eye candy to finger my slit. I will deep throat your dick the way you wish So let’s hump! Oh I have green eyes, auburn hair, 5′8, 36D boob size, 117 lbs. Please be DD free. Respond with headshot.

Dream on grandpa...

Craig's List - Orange County M4W

wanted retired stripper/porn star

I would love to have the above, come stay with me at my home in Oklahoma, and let me live the dream I want, lol






Several reasons why grandpa is crazy. For starters he expects someone living in California to relocate to Oklahoma. For him. Next, what is this ex-porn star getting out of the deal? Because I don't see an advantage. Grandpa, some dreams are just dreams and nothing more.

REAL woman wanted.

For the girl who attended the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, this guy is for you.

Craig's List - Detroit, MI

Dr. Livingston I presume?

I am looking for a REAL woman. One with a J-O-B. I am sick of dating women who don't keep it real and are just nothing but little girls that live in their daddy's basement. I am no longer accepting applications from ladies who live with their dads. So please have your own place and a car. I'm not trying to player hate, but I am NOT looking for a hook up or a one night stand, so if you are on here to use me for my penis and hit it and quit it, then move on to the next ad player, because I am looking for a relationship. Some women ONLY think with their vaginas! I am college educated, so please be educated too, I am sick of dating women who can't read, are they serious? If you can't read, then please stop having your friend Sharon read this ad to you and reply for you, I no longer fall for that girls. Please be literate. I am all MAN, I am handsome and have a lot going for me, I will send you a pic when I receive yours. Please send a face pic, I am tired of ladies sending me a beaver shot of the bearded clam. Why do women do this? Do you really think a picture of your vag is gonna turn me on and make me want to date you? IF you think you are Lady enough to get with this, then please send me an email with face pic, I guarantee you will not be disappointed.




Actual picture in ad. Sharon, stop reading this to your friend!

Seems like your average grandma...

but looks can be deceiving!




OkCupid! Las Vegas, NV


I am integrity, hot and loving, and compassionate

I am a hot lovable grandmother. i work hard and want someone to play hard with as well. and someone to grow old with. I'm really good at: touching, listening, sex, following. The most private thing I'm willing to admit here: i was once a marine, i'm trying to have weight loss surgery, my mother is my best friend, i think my cat is my deceased husband's spirit.....


Yeahhhh. You will never look at your grandma the same. Does yours call herself hot and think her cat is her deceased husband's spirit?

Family

If you are going to make the effort to post an ad for a family member, try to learn something about them. Or make it up. Just put something down!


Tall and not a rocket scientist

How can I explain politely? This is not for me! This is not about me! I am not on the market. My big, dumb brother-in-law is the one the ad is about.

He's about 6'5", dumber than average, I don't know what his interests are, and he's strait. I don't even know if the man has interests. He's very tanned, somewhat weathered, and tall enough to make most guys a little uncomfortable. He listens to music and he watches tv. I don't know what kind of music he likes (I suspect rock'n'roll, but I also suspect that he just listens to whatever is on the radio) and I don't know about his interest in movies, television, politics, religion, the price of tea in China, or the international movement to outlaw plastic shopping bags. He's an enigma that can eat a lot and reach everything on the highest shelves, that's all I know. That and that he's not bright. He's not even average. I do believe he falls in somewhere a bit below average on intelligence tests.

But he is a fully functional adult male who likes females and has no interest (that I am aware of) in men and won't stray. He's not bright, but he's not a genuine dullard either. He's got a sense of humor and speaks decent English. He doesn't sound like a scholar and he's not a scholar, but who cares? He's human, he's male, he's strait, he's unencumbered, he's approaching 50, and he is unlikely to ever cheat. What more could a women who is willing to settle ask for? Sorry, but unattached, healthy, strait, financially well off professional men appear to be in short supply.

She let the crazy out of the bag!

3 hair colors for her 3 personalities!





Ok Cupid - San Francisco, CA

I am full of worms, meat, and hormones

I'm looking for a man to ply me with lavish furs and shiny overpriced baubles. Then to disappear mysteriously forever.

If I don't have enough corn syrup in my diet, I will lapse into a state of psychic arrest. You will be required to convince me (in five minutes or less) that I am not the final incarnation of the Oracle at Delphi, and that I do not need to purchase yet another ophidian companion. I already have twenty three, and I will never be able to move out of my parents' attic if every paycheck keeps going to feeder mice.

Anal is okay, but must be preceded by prayer.


I wonder what kind of prayers you need to do before anal?

At least he gets points for honesty. Not the kind of stuff you want to find out after you meet someone. Also not the kind of stuff that makes a girl want to take a chance on a personals ad. He should have tried a more positive approach "have experienced life to its fullest" instead of listing all the different addictions he has had. Just a suggestion.

Craig's List Portland OR M4W

are you between 50to60 yrs, old

Hi what Am looking for is a woman that is poor like me but Lonely, if any of this is like you than Just maybe we might be a match, so here goe's When I was young I started Smoking when I was 10, I Started getting high when I was 7, I got kicked out of school when I was 13, been in the Joint when I was 32, been out since 1989, did 1 year Parole and been free since 1990. I've been homeless, and in 2004 I became
disabled and since then I lost my wife, my house, and dog. and it's time to move on in my life. what AM looking for is a woman that don't need a high life to be happy. so if you are interested in Knowing more about me JUST ASK and leave a name in your Reply.{BE REAL}

Rule #1: DO NOT mention puking in your personals ad.

#2 If you happen to mention puking, do not mention it over and over and over.


Craig's List Philadelphia w4m

If you make me throw up... I'm all yours! - 27

Ok - so the next guy I meet has to make me throw up for one of two reasons (or both if I'm lucky):

a) There's that whole chemistry-butterfly feeling that is wonderful even though it makes it hard to eat.

b) There's that whole laughing so hard that your stomach hurts and you feel like you want to throw up.

So basically I'm looking for chemistry and a sense of humor. I want to have a really good time with someone I can't wait to get my hands on later. Isn't that what we all want? So doesn't it all come down to vomit?


Here's who wants to throw up:



The ad goes on, but do you really want more information about this chick? I thought not.

God Bless America

Two posts, one great guy! He's got the goods; can you handle them?

Who wants to marry a soldier? - 26 (Topeka)
Date: 2009-08-12, 11:49AM CDT

yes I am a soldier and im serious I want a mutually beneficial relationship I help you and you take care of me if you want more details email me back im VERY serious its warm today in Topeka


Do you want to get pregnant? - 26 (Topeka)
Date: 2009-08-12, 11:54AM CDT

This is a serious ad its very warm in Topeka today. Are you having trouble having a child? Do you need some assistance well I am willing to help you out very serious replies only I am willing to help you become a parent.

"Come here fat girl, are you ticklish?"

Although this site is called "No wonder you're single", I find that it IS a wonder that this fellow is single. So many choices!

i like to marry a very fat lady - 27 (bamako,mali)
Date: 2009-08-06, 12:26PM EEST
im happy to let every lady that have extra pound physique in finland know that ;a black guy is very ready to settle down with a beutiful finland lady ;if you are intrested ;link me up

Who can compete with a hairless cat?

I know I can't. I also know I don't want to.

Craig's List Philadephia

a girl and her hairless cat - 25

who wants the be my kitty's new daddy? me and my boyfriend just broke up looking for a new one. send me a message with ur pic and we can chat.

______________

Stripper pole in the bedroom, classy. Didn't think she could get any classier, and then she does by trying to make out with her rat, I mean hairless cat. The best part is the cat is like, f-this.

Reading is FundaMENTAL

So philosophical! Today is yesterday's tomorrow. I just had to post this because she talks about how reading makes her reflect on life, yet the two books she lists are by Danielle Steel and Stephen King. Below the Craig's List ad I have posted the book summary for Danielle Steel's novel.

Craig's List Philadelphia W4M

It bothers me when people think that they are the only one with correct backgrou

Today is yesterday?s tomorrow. I am 5 ft. 2 in. with long curly auburn hair and a gourgeous smile. Reading makes me think and reflect on my own life. In the recent past I have read such books as Changes, Danielle Steel & The Dark Half, Stephen King. I'm someone who likes to try new adventures. It bothers me when people think that they are the only one with correct background for understanding an issue. Today's the day! Send me an email and let's get to know each other.


Changes - Danielle Steel
Top TV anchorwoman Melanie Adams had given up on love after a failed marriage and an unhappy affair. With her two teenage children and her television news career, she had no room in her life for a man. Then she met famous heart surgeon Peter Hallam, a widower with three children of his own. Suddenly Melanie was experiencing feelings she thought were gone forever. But two families (one in New York and one in Los Angeles), two exciting careers, and two strong-willed people were too much to handle. And Melanie faced a painful choice between her glamorous life in the public eye, her private life, the needs of her family, and the new family she took on. Changes lead each of them to new places, new problems, new people, and the new life they begin.


Yep, would definitely look to that book for inspiration!

I take it she's into role playing.

From OkCupid New Orleans, LA

I was born and raised on the war field of middle earth, changing field dressings and charming bandages with my mother, a native of Rivendell. I worked years there before deciding that I needed to see more of the world than the carnage of those last battles, and so I missed the last boat to sail away into the sunset while trying to find my purpose in life.Having somewhat of a knack with music, I decided that the best course of action was probably to make my living that way, and I got this great little set-up on an island near greece, dressing up like a bird-woman and singing sailors to sleep. Funny how they seem to crash on the rocks sometimes... I didn't realize my voice was so soothing. A friend of mine in a similar profession, Lorelei I believe, told me that I was selling myself short living on a tiny island and so, taking the spirit of adventure to heart, I decided to see the world.I've been travelling since then, wandering the realms of fantasy and imagination to wile away eternity. Last week I had tea with my buddy Catherine from Russia (very proud of her horse, that one) and I think next week I'll take a long weekend to get a tan on Arakis... This dashing fellow Duncan Idaho called me, and i just can't tell him no! Gods above, that man is fantastic. Don't you just wish you could take the good men in this world and clone them so everyone could have one? He'd sure be the top of my list...

She says she is from New Orleans, but I'm not sure she and I even live on the same planet, much less in the same city.

HE GOTZ SKILLZ

So he says in the title he has warrants then in the ad he says he doesn't. Well I'm issuing him a warrant for being a douchebag. And for some reason he spelled warrant right but couldn't spell women. Nice going.




Craig's List San Francisco





I GOT WARRANTS I CANT SPELL ILL PULL YOUR HAIR I LIKE FIRECRACKERS

I HAVE ONE MISSING TOOTH ITS IN TH BACK.........IM OUTTA SHAPE NOT ALOT .......I LIVE IN A CRAPY HOUSE WITH A WALL HEATER BUT I KEEP IT SUPER CLEAN....I DONT SMOKE ANYTHING...... I DONT REALLY HAVE ANY WARRANTS..........I HAVE HAD TH SAME JOB FOR 10 YEARS............I HAVE PLENTY OF HOBBIES.........I LOVE TO COOK........I MISS SEX IM NOT WILLING TO JUST GO OUT N HUMP SOMETHING.........IM DIVORCED............I LIKE TO BBQ....I ALWAYSE TELL THE TRUTH............IM NOT A CHEAT........I SCUBA DIVE..........I LIKE MY CAT...SOMETIMES I WEAR A HAT............MY MOUNAIN BIKE HAS A FLAT.........IM A DAD.........ITS THE BEST THING I EVER HAD..........I MISS MY BOAT.......IF I HAD LAND I WOULD BUY A GOAT.............IM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE NICE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH IM NOT GOING TO INFLATE MYSELFE TO YOU TILL MY HEAD POPS OFF MY SHOULDERS IM FOR REAL SOME OF THE ADS ON HERE ARE WAY OVER RATED GUYS AND WEMON COME ON YOU CANT BE THAT PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!SHIT ATLEAST IM REAL AND CAN TELL IT LIKE IT IS ..........ANYONE OUT HERE FEEL LIKE ME? EMAIL ME ILL GLADLY SEND YOU MY LINK TO MY PICS AND MORE ABOUT ME............I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THE 40 FAKE EMAILS TELLING ME YOU WANNA HOOK UP AND BLOW ME SO CHECK OUT YOUR SINGLES WEBSITE ........ WELL THE BJ WOULD BE NICE.........FUCK IS ANYBODY REAL?

I have no words

I am so disturbed right now, I have no words, no words.

Craig's List Atlanta

Need a woman so i can stop sucking my own dick

so i am a little freaky, if you can look over dat i have a good heart and know how to treat a lady! Hit me up so we can talk, cuz i want to get to know somebody.

Location: college park-near union city
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/m4w/1313135954.html

I describe women as furry.

Reader Jane M. in Brazil submits:


http://www.brazil-brasil.com/pages/personal.htm
MAN SEEKS WOMAN

Sort-of-American, corporate jaguar, very successful, 33, needing some serious stress relief... looking for a very sexy, furry Brazilian kitten to play with. If you are 22-32, in Brazil or USA, no problem... I’ll fly you. Letter with photos to GS, 342 S. Highland Ave. #14A, Pittsburgh, PA, 15206, USA


Maybe the person who posted it should look elsewhere if he is looking for furry ladies. Brazil is after all the place where Brazilian waxes began. Oh and ladies looking to respond to this ad: definitely trust a guy willing to fly you anywhere in the world without showing you a picture or giving you a name.

Grandma???

Craig's List - Washington D.C.

GRANNY OF 19. - 49

I'M 49 YEARS OLD. I HAVE FOUR ADULT CHILDREN, AND 19 GRANDCHILDERN. I'M LOOKING FOR A NICE OUTGOING,UNDERSTANDING PERSON WHO WILL SHOW ME AND MY 44DDD A GOOD TIME. AND IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LOVELY BLACK WOMAN,


And that is where the ad ends. Maybe one of her 19 grandkids needed something. Or she forgot what she was saying. At least she puts all the cards on the table and doesn't surprise you with her 19 grandkids after 6 months. Oh well, even grannies need some.

Great Chess

indian_lover
I am wild, kinky, and fun

i belive a female need lots of hugs,lots of kisses ,and lots of chuddly and lots ofattention. i am a 30 bi female that own her own shop.i love 4 wheeling and playing in the mud,ridding my harleydavidason bike,swimmingand playing in my hottub.camping.i love to roll play and play dress up i have a man and not looikng for any other men so dont pm me if you a man
What I’m doing with my life
trying to find me a bi female that want to be spoil and want to move in with me and liveing it to the fulless
I’m really good at
giving a girl lots of hugs,kiss,and chuddly and lots of attention,roll playing and dressing up and please the right girl
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
my chess and ass and my good look
The six things I could never do without
my kids ,hubby,cell,female,food sex and more sex
I spend a lot of time thinking about
pleaseing a woman and lots of sex and my toys
You should message me if
if you an female and want to have fun and if you a guy i just wont chat to you

Everyone has their price, even if it isn't much

I do not think this is what Stevie Wonder had in mind.

(*picture not from ad)















Salutations!
It's me, the one you have been waiting for.
I need a place to chill for a spell. I do have a job but I spend all my money on bills and have recently hit a bit of a rough patch. If women can ask for cheap rent because they are dancers in the FQ then I can surely ask the same because I know how to please a woman; and I do KNOW HOW TO PLEASE YOU. I just finished school so I have an educated mind with a knowledge of what to do and where to do it.
All I am asking is to put my talents to use. Give me an audition. I will not disappoint you. I am willing to do "other" things for a cheaper rent (cleaning, handyman tasks, running errands, et al); but we both know this would be better. It would be temporary, discreet, and most importantly, the best time you've ever had.
Please send your inquiry, a brief bio about yourself, your living situation, and a picture attached. Only women please. No race or age is out of the question. I know you're offering cheap rent but there's not a price to be had for what I possess. I'll be your part time lover.


<

I can't help myself

This ass is all over CL whinging about women. Shut up and grow a pair, brah.

Finally a great guy. (Here CL)
Date: 2009-08-01, 1:01PM CDT
So you’re the one that writes all the amazing ads on here. You’re seemingly never ending search for a great guy, as you meticulously spell out every trait that makes up such an individual. The man of your dreams and sure they exist, containing a great sense of humor and a steady job showing up here just for your delight. Searching for his own perfect girl as you would expect him to do. Consisting of all the amazing traits any normal girl would desire, seeking to make you the center of his desire or maybe looking to fill a void left in his soul, spilling his guts in an ad or possibly a response to one that seeks him out. We come in all shapes and sizes different hobbies and appeals. Yet get overlook for such shallow things as your window shopping approach to finding a good guy. Yes you can leave now, your search for one of us having been completed.. Go ahead now move along, I mean seriously back to the looser hunt that seems to be your passion or new found hobby. I mean you truly seek a bad boy or model not a regular guy… I mean us good guys have real lives and responsibilities we look like regular people not all containing a six pack or the perfect smile hell some of us just not the type to flex in front of a mirror while holding a camera, modest as we only displaying our cocks in the bedroom not to a stranger through an email. Looking to connect and less to impress but you only look for the S on our chest. Maybe if we had more time if we were unemployed or if we took so many pills and got so drunk that we honestly believed that taking a cock shot would get us our prize…. The truth is we don’t think this way, I mean sure we like to get laid as much as the next guy, but we contain the other desires that prevent such an approach. Seeking a good girl with a head on her shoulders that is not full of judgments that came here seeking what they have to offer. The truthful guy with a great sense of humor looking to get to know you and treat you right.. So just know every time you blow off some great guy on here and respond to some looser in his place you also passed up another opportunity as another weekend passed us both by. So I tell you what you do, write us some amazing email and send us a photo and instead of judging you on your qualities we will see if we think you look amazing enough for drinks all but skipping past your email as we attempt to become the asshole that you truly seek. You should have amazing tits and an ass men have either killed or died trying to get their hands on. Personality oh who cares certainly not the assholes we seek to become.. Have a great weekend with the asshole we were trying to replace. Not bitter just finally getting the hang of this.

As a special treat, I replied:
Not bitter? Oh yeah, you are. If you don't have the patience to wait for the person who is right for you, and stop being mad that women who aren't keep crossing your path, then you should give up now. You'll just spread that nasty attitude like a lifelong STD. No one wants your emotional herplie erplies.

Because watching tons of sci-fi flicks gets you laid

Fridays Drunken Argument - 27 (NOLA)
Date: 2009-07-31, 9:56PM CDT

If there's one thing we like to do more than drink, it's argue about really important stuff, like if an army of Gremlins could defeat an army of Ewoks. Here's what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:Drunken Argument for Gremlins:We all know that Gremlins plus water equals more Gremlins. In this respect, Gremlins are basically the opposite of the aliens from Signs, and those aliens sucked, so Gremlins are logically awesome. They're extremely agile, so they're easily going to be able to out-manuever a frumpy little Ewok without even breaking a sweat. Gremlins are also quite mischievous. Doing battle against a species like the Ewoks, that relies on booby traps and primitive mechanical trickery, is a walk in the park for a Gremlin, because they can easily sabotage every trap the Ewoks set. Of course, the Gremlins biggest strength lies in its reproductive techniques. Just like the Gremlin's adorably loveable Mogwai counterpart, he also spawns offspring when he comes into contact with water. This means that it's very difficult to eliminate an entire army of Gremlins, because all they have to do to increase their ranks is fall into a fuckin puddle, and those things are everywhere. Judging by the few shots from Return of the Jedi, where there's an Ewok mom holding a baby, we can assume that Ewoks don't rocket babies out of their backs by the dozen like Gremlins do, so the Gremlins are always going to out-number the Ewoks, no matter what. We've seen Gremlins obliterate a suburban neighborhood and a modern office building, so they would have a heyday with with a shitty little makeshift Ewok village. This fight goes to the Gremlins.Drunken Argument for Ewoks:Ewoks don't reproduce like Gremlins do, but they're ten times smarter. They'd figure something out to stop that Gremlin mass production mess. They'd out-smart those evil, mischievous bastards at every turn. Plus, they're way more ingenuitive. The Ewoks make badass tools and weapons out of bones from the people that they've killed for being in their forest, and let's not forget that in Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks captured Luke, Han Solo, and Chewbacca with a sweet net trap. Yeah, that's right: They captured Chewbacca! You're telling me that Gremlins are more badass than Chewbacca?! You're fuckin crazy brah. Aside from their superior intellect, Ewoks have what I like to call "retard strength". Sure, they don't look like much, but I've personally seen them over-power Storm Troopers. Plus, just to drive my point home: remember the end of Gremlins 2? Y'know, where Gizmo (who is basically just a less badass, smaller, pussier version of an Ewok) puts on the Rambo headband and totally destroys the Gremlins? He doesn't do anything an Ewok wouldn't do. In fact, he does way less. He's armed only with a bow and some flaming arrows, and he totally wrecks a complete toy store full of Gremlins. Ewoks destroy Gremlins. I rest my case.

Douchebaggery

Bet both those drinks are for him. This is a long one but worth the read. The first paragraph is a more of a what-the-hell is this guy on feeling. The second describes every date he has ever been on. Doesn't he just make you want to respond to his ad? Or throw a drink in his face?

From Match.com Metairie, LA

I always knew I was never going to be a professional bull fighter, but that's not why I did it. I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.