Get Your Freak On

Animals, multiple men, sexual humiliation? It's all good. Except blood. Why not blood? You are exchanging every other fluid in your body.

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

Freak!

I want a not so serious RESPECTFUL relationship with a chick that has some sort of weird kink (sexual).

Here is are some examples:
You like having multiple men while being in a relationship.
You like watching your man suck someone off.
You like getting it on with "Daddy" type guys.
You like cheating.
You like being seriously roughly dominated.
You like being a dominatrix and love to humiliate your guy sexually.
You like transvestites/animals/ I dont give a shit as long as it is something freak nasty.

No blood is my only rule.

If I missed some that is your kinks, add it onto your email.

I have an incredible turn on for women that have something beyond average. Mental aspect is 95% of the fuck.

Me:
Tall, tanned, and handsome.
Intelligent, ambitious as the fuck, and confident.

You:
Be in shape, and have some place you would like to go in life besides the republican convention.

In case you are curious why I made "RESPECTFUL" bold is that I want people to take each other with respect even if we are not serious about being committed long term. Sex is fun and it should stay that way, I do not need emails from anyone being judgmental. I put it on craigslist for a reason and I hope to hear from like minded females.

Happy hunting ;)

In Your Dreams

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

I had a dream about you - 25

i had a dream where i meet a beautiful girl and she told me she'd be my g/f by mid next week. now first im not crazy it was a dream i understand that part second im sure your not the girl in my dream and believe me i dont expect as much. im posting this bc ive been kinda hanging my head real low and i believe this dream was the kick in the butt i needed to get back out there and try to be happy again im 25 5'9 wht/blue eyes brwn hair. im really mellow always crack jokes, im not a wigger nor do i ever think id ever become one i live alone in a dble house i own my car and i work alot. i just want someone to spend time with watching movies going to the bar for a drink and a game of pool. even if im not your type id still be willing to have a friend to talk to. i hope to hear from you soon! =)

Creepy. And confusing. First, he dreamed about you. Then he says it wasn't you. All I know is I'm pretty sure he is not the man of YOUR dreams.

I am no a ho.

I wonder how many responses she will get with "what's up shawty?"


Craig's List - Atlanta - w4m


Miss Missing - 28 Let me make this clear. I am no a ho. I am not looking for someone to give me sex. I am only interested in MEN between the ages of 27-35. I am not interested in men that are shorter that I (I am 5'10). Please do not send emails with your phone number or the subject stating "what's up shawty". You WILL NOT GET A RESPONSE. And...OMG....please don't contact me if you have BABY MAMA DRAMA, a lot of kids, or "A SITUATION". Thanks.



I love the pictures. Is she going into the water fully clothed? With all her jewelry? You know the fake silver will show it's true colors after being dunked in water.

Fetish time

My question is - how do you know that this is your fetish? What if he never touched silicon? How would he know it's what floats his boat?


Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


Silicone Freak Needs TLC - 38

Greetings, What is a silicone freak? well really to some it's not very freaky, and neither am I... but I enjoy my fetish and need to continue, however I am getting to the point that it is become a very fring thing. So... here's the deal:

I am seeking: Female that is turned on and not put off by this fetish, you must be interested in being a companion and friend first (no I am not gay) and then if things grow from that I am open to a LTR. The main reason for this is that I am not a "looks only guy", I need substance and someone that I truly enjoy being around. Also, you should be upper class, enjoy travel, and culture, dressing up is important to me, and I do custom fashion to keep in style with the trend and to accomodate my size... but I always look good, smell good and am well kempt... I have diverse looks from long-hair and a breard, to crew and clean. I am a great cook, wonderful conversationalist, I have a 4-year degree (4.0s) from a major university in classical studies (which doesn't do much for the career but... I am well read and well cultured) and work for myself and clients in tech, lately more towards web dev then infrastructure.

Mirror image

First, the heading caught my attention. I was thinking someone watched an E! true hollywood story on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and decided to give it a try. Then I read the ad, which is completely unrelated to the title. This guy basically wants a female version of himself. He could have cut this ad in half, taking out all the "you" parts.

Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


Haitian-American Starting a Multicultural Family - 41

ME: Single, black born male, Haitian-American, well-dressed, not attached. I am educated, goal-oriented and know what I want in life.
YOU: Single, black born female (however, I maybe open to other races)Should be goal-oriented and know what you want in life.
ME: Happy with myself and life, not depressed.
YOU: Happy with yourself and life, not depressed.
ME: I have good communication and listening skills.
YOU: Have good communication and listening skills as well.
ME: No kids, but do want some one day
YOU: No kids or if you do, you must be involved in their lives and taking care of them financially. In addition, you must want kids.
ME: I have a career, car, and live by myself. I do take care of myself financially.
YOU: Have a career, a car, and a place to stay.
You should be able to take care of yourself financially.
ME: I do not smoke or drink, but is open to having a glass of wine on occasion. I love reading, walking, and traveling going to the movies, etc. I also know how to chill at home. I love listening to jazz, r & b, and gospel music, but will listen to all kinds if pleasing to the ear. I do not go to clubs unless it is a jazz club. I can be humorous at times.
YOU: Nonsmoker, drink on occasion. Enjoy some of the same things I mentioned above. When contacting me, please tell me a little about yourself.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

I'm not sure how this is going to end well...


Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w


SWEET REVENGE !! - 40

OK... Heres the deal. I was cheated on by my ex-wife and the heartache kills. I feel revenge is the best medicine. I need the services of an extremely hot woman for one nite to go out to dinner with me at the establishment where my ex works. There will be no drama. You will be compensated for your time and of course, dinner on me. This is no loke. The hotter the woman, the better the compensation. Any interested canidates forward a pic and we can discuss futher in detail. I'll send a reply pic if necessary. No strings attached, dinner only. Thats it. Or, if you know anyone hot enough and evil enough to pull this off, please forward this to them. And no, i dont want to call an escort service. Thats alittle pricy for just taking someone out to dinner. I've had some strong responses, just looking to futher my canidate list. Thanks

Wanted: independent adults

Is buying your own Tollhouse too hard of a feat? I hope someone responds by sending him baked poo balls.

Wanted: Non-exclusive long distance relationship
Date: 2009-08-31, 7:22PM CDT

Me: Charming, articulate and intelligent. You: A good baker, likes to take care of her man with frequent care packages. I am the only guy on craigslist who is not looking for sex or female companionship. Those I can get. There is however one thing missing in my life of late. Ever since breaking up with my long distance girlfriend, the amount of unsolicited baked goods arriving in my mailbox has dropped precipitously. Given my relative lack of baking skills and my propensity to avoid paying for food, I figured the most rational solution was to find another long distance girlfriend who enjoys surprising her man with frequent care packages (chocolate chip cookies and rice krispies treats are by far the best). The exchange is simple. You provide regular care package service and in return I provide emotional support, validation and the occasional, "You're right! They *are* just jealous!" I'll be the boyfriend that Disney's soulless corporate machine has convinced you you want. Your parents will be happy you finally found someone, your friends and coworkers will be jealous that you have a guy who doesn't routinely try to slip it in the "oops hole," and your stalkers (should you have any) will shake their fists in impotent rage. As long as you're not hung up on tangibility, it's a relationship with everything you could want or need. Fatties, uggos and the horribly disfigured are encouraged to apply! I don't care what you look like because I'll never see what you look like. Tell me you're the most beautiful woman in the world if it makes you feel better, just don't send pictures. Exclusivity is not part of the deal. I intend to date other women during our association and it would be hypocritical of me to deny you the same freedom. Go out clubbing every Saturday night and sleep with a different guy each time if you like, just remember to get the cookies in the mail by 5:00 because the post office isn't open on Sundays. I have no allergies, so feel free to extend your experimentation to recipes and ingredients as well. I live in Los Angeles but am posting this in Dallas because it's close enough to keep shipping charges down but far enough away that you'll never be tempted to track me down in real life. Also, going by the maxim "everything is bigger in Texas" I'm hoping there will be enough baked goods to share with friends. Good luck and I hope to hear from you lovely ladies soon!

Gotti Gotcha

This one leaves a LOT to be desired. I don't know what he's trying to portray with his screenname, either.

Gotti
“Gotti Gotcha”

Active in the last 3 days
Man seeking woman

"Me and My Ideal Match"
young, black, n gifted, dread 2 my neck, great smile 2 kool, fun 2 b around,realistic,cut no corners,laid back, no pet peeves,

yes, that's it. There's no more text or information. Cut WHAT corners? Everyone has a pet peeve. Let a chick let out a stink bomb in his presence, I'm sure he'll realize at least one pet peeve...

I'm a cowboy-on a steel horse I ride

YOU'RE wanted, Dead or ALIVE

While his profile on Yahoo isn't absurd, it's still a little too sad and a little TMI for an online dating profile. His pictures, however, are deliciously absurd.

“Cowboy”
27 years old Belle Chasse, LA
Active in the last 3 days
Man seeking woman

I'm a simple country boy from outside of Austin Tx, I like taking drives in the country, drink alittle, Drop the tailgate down lay in the bed of my truck and watch the stars. I believe that respect is the key to life. I have a twin brother who lives outside of Salt Lake City. I have a big family back home 18 Adopted and 2 belong to the parents. I'm # 10 in the Family. I don't get along with alot of them so I stay away from the family as much as I can. I don't know who my Real Parents are and I don't care to.I have my own family and friends and trying to start a new life here.I've been here doing contracting construction work for over 2 and have years..I have a big heart but it's been walked on all of my life.One day I'll find happiness and when I do I'll be set for the rest of my life.I enjoy Bowling, Pool, Swimming, Extreme Sports, Football, dancing, jogging, walks in the park, Motorcycles, 4 Wheeling, Camping, Fishing, Working on my truck, Country Music, Rock, R&B, Soul, Blues, Metal...

A girl who knows what she wants

and isn't afraid to go after it - on Craig's List.



Craig's List - Washington D.C. - w4m


Looking for Someone to Satisfy My Materialistic Needs - 25

Do you have wants that need to be meant? If so we will get along great! I am a very attractive female (and no I'm not talking about craigslist attractive, I'm talking about reality attractive), in shape, outgoing and I am need of having my materialistic needs met. Yes, as everyone knows we are in a recession, but I am not ready to give in to this economy yet. So, since I have no time for a second job, maybe we can satisfy each other. . So e-mail if you are attractive, have good hygiene, and are disease free.

Please do not waste your time or my time responding to this ad if you drive a Civic, Taurus, Malibu, Kia, Hyundai, or any comparison vehicle.

CRZY SXY COL

At first I just thought this was yet another Craig's List ad made by a person who never had a chance at the spelling bee trophy. The title is ridiculous, and then there is that one spelling error toward the end of the ad that cracked me up. The other thing that cracked me up was that he can't spell awesome but he can spell conservative, appropriate AND application.


Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


I'M AWSOME - 21

5’9”
180
I have an IQ over 100.
Well built.
I’m funny if your laid back.
I like to drink.
I occasionally smoke cigarettes.
I don’t like people who apologies all the time.
I hate spam.
I like to laugh.
I like to exorcise.
I’m impulsive sometimes and conservative other times,
I try to be appropriate with the application and timing.
I will tell you more if you tell me something interesting and not shallow.
Type UPT in the subject box and please send photos.



He likes to exorcise - does he help people who are possessed? Too bad Linda Blair didn't know him at age 12!

An expiration date on love

Craig's List - Washington D.C. - m4w


There is a bright side to cleaning

Everyone wants to be in love during winter and I'm no differnt. So it's a beautiful late October afternoon, and my relationship status is such that I am cleaning out my sock drawer. I get to the bottom, and discover 5 blue, foil squares. Ah...old friends, I remember you well. The optimism of buying a box of 12. The butterflies in the stomach on the night of your unveiling. And now you sit abandoned. And, it turns out, soon to expire.

I'm a frugal sort. I hate wasting anything. So now I've got a timeline for final deployment: Dec 1st. I'm very task oriented--I love working against a deadline. SWM, blue eyes, brwn hair, very handsome - relationship preferred.



Interesting approach. You can tell he is goal-oriented, organized and does not want to be wasteful. Too bad most girls don't want to date someone because his condoms will expire soon.

Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets

I wonder why Mormon? Does he have something against other religions? Are the born agains not good enough for his dirty deeds?


Craig's List - Washington D.C. - m4w


Seeking Mormon Woman - 43

I am seeking a Mormon woman for ongoing fun. I am a take-charge, tall white man (not Mormon) and know that you Mormon women are extremely horny waiting for the right one to come along. I'll keep you pleasured as you look for him on an ongoing basis, and I'll be discreet as well. I know how to take charge of the situation, and will do so behind closed doors. Put the words 'Mormon Woman Seeking Fun' on the subject line and I'll know you are for real, not spam.

It puts the lotion on it's skin....

Do you think Shim'll cook, too?

From Craigslist, New Orleans

CD LQQKing to host a masculine male and maybe a lady too?> - t4mw - 38 (Metairie, Lakeside)
Date: 2009-10-14, 11:14PM CDT

Seeking a masculine w/m and his female friend/wife. I love to perform oral. STD free and extremely clean. Non smokers perferred and between the ages of 30-50 only please. I'm serious and will only resp[ond to a reply that has your current pics. and stats. Thanks . Lets play?

WTF?

No idea what his self summary means. Maybe it is some secret milf code. I just wonder where he goes cruising for milfs in Baton Rouge.

Ok Cupid - Baton Rouge - m4w

username: milfssss

My Self-Summary
im just me im here for those that are milfs and maybe more just see i work as a brick layer and attend itt Extraverts Introverts a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting"]];have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearmentget pleasure from; "I love cooking"a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"a score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love"sleep together: have sexual intercourse with; "This student sleeps with everyone in her dorm"; "Adam knew Eve"; "Were you ever intimate with this man?"sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people; "his lovemaking disgusted her"; "he hadn't had any love in months"; "he has a very complicated love life" Being lovable isn’t a superficial quality; it is a quality of spirit. If you can see yourself as spirit, it won’t matter what conditioning has occurred in the past, whether you were fortunate enough to be raised with loving values or so unfortunate that you were discouraged and made to feel ugly and worthless.In our most inmost being, we are all completely lovable because spirit is love. Beyond what anyone can make you think or feel about yourself, your unconditioned spirit stands, shining with a love nothing can tarnish.If begin lovable really is the secret to attraction, then there is no need for anxious searching, because your own being, which can never be lost, doesn’t have to be found.The whole futile process of making yourself attractive to others, of constantly waiting for someone else’s response, of desperately comparing yourself with an ideal image can come to an end. The only requirement is a shift in perception, for those who cannot find love perceive themselves as not being lovable.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
milfs and howto earn more money legally

On a typical Friday night I am:
milf hunter downtown baton rouge

You should message me if
if your open minded a milf and if your not a milf if your willing to give me a chance >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Please!!!!

This guy needs no commentary from me. His ad is hilarious on it's own. I'm just saying most wannabe Mormons out there do not look/act/think like this guy.

OkCupid - Austin TX - m4w

Username: OttoErickson

I am analytical, passionate and wild

My Self-Summary:
I was born on Valentines Day, 1973. I am an existentialist. Probably have closer to christian values but am wannabe mormon. Most say I should come with a "disclaimer" and would probably describe me as "inappropriate".

What I’m doing with my life:
Rocking Out With My Cock Out!

I’m really good at:
witchery, country music, drunk women, filthy jokes, making out in alley ways and carpe fucking diem

The first things people usually notice about me:
Hair dye and cowboy boots

My favorite books, movies, music, and food:
Books: Finally finished The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, it's a bummer. Currently reading The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter.

Movies: Angel Heart, Tromeo And Juliet + Rosemary's Baby

The six things I could never do without:
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, kitty cats, god, hot sauce, true love and cheating hell

You should message me if:
you dislike white people with dreads, alt.country, serial killers (death is not entertainment), wicca, dogs (I think they're stupid and I want to eat them), cops, racism, david bowie and camping

Poor kitty! My question is always: who is taking this picture?

This is not the 18th century

No cross-dressing. Or pants for women. He probably doesn't let his woman eat until he is finished. I like how he starts off with recommended proverbs then just says "the whole Bible."


Craig's List - Houston - m4w


-------Christian man, wants to obey Bible - 34

Caucasian, 5'8" tall (173 cm), blue eyes, brown hair, with a beard.

proverbs 31
psalm 127 and 128
the whole Bible.

Do you like these scriptures, I do.

Do you want to be a keeper at home?

- children should learn at home
- Modest apparel is important. Men should dress in men's clothing, and women in womens clothing, never the other way around.
- God's creation should be studied and God given the glory. Camping and related things are good.
- Food should be a nutritious blessing; junk food is bad.
- God gives real hope. The gospel is very important.
- Resting on the seventh day is good.
- proverbs 31:10 I am trying to find a virtuous woman.
- Proverbs 19:14 I pray for a prudent wife.

A few cases of TMI

Really there is such a thing as TMI.


Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


mwm seeking affair while wife in hospital - 35

wanna play let me know

________________________

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


slept with my sister need some advice she is 18 - 20

just need someone to talk to

________________________

Depresso

Guys - I know it's hard out there sometimes - but this is not the way to get a woman.

Craig's List - Portland - m4w

SO that is that - 30
Ok you win Portland, seattle women were right, I am ugly to the point of unlovability. Wont try anymore. Im gone in three days and all I can think is I wish I could afford a hooker just to feel some human connection with a woman. Seattle was bad but here, with the outward show of friendliness most people make I thought it might be different now I realize the smiles I see are mocking and the friednly airs exsist only so long as you think I have something to mooch. It really is a bummer, when I first arrived I felt like I was escaping from three year sentence in Hell. I realize now I just ditched one circle of it for another-the hell of mocking false friendship. Bye.

Ugh another poet

One of those cases where this guy tries to be funny, which he is, just not in the way he planned. We are laughing at you dude, not with you.


Craig's List - Portland - m4w


What the Fuck?! my life has turned into a Carpenter's song - 30

Talking to myself and feeling old... All I need now is an eating disorder and piano. Now I'm writing a personal ad. ( a rather pitiful one at that)

Hell, there has to be a better song to sing!

We can go to the park.
We can have crushes on one another.
I will make you mixed tapes and food.
We can hibernate when the rain comes.
We can walk in the snow -
you can knit me a scarf -
I'll have no idea how to knit you anything.
I break sewing machines.
You'll get annoyed with me.
I'll get bored with you.
We'll both realize that we were wrong -
and do all that cute shit that people do when they realize that they were wrong.
We'll make out in public,
then be disgusted with ourselves -
we were "Those People",
but it'll be OK,
because we were drunk.
Friends will say we're "Cute Together".
I'll have no idea what you see in me.
We'll kill people, bottles, inhibitions.
Metaphorically.
We'll play roles,
Scrabble,
coy.
I'll win at trivial pursuit:
Utah Statehood 1864
Calcium: Atomic number 20
Sopwith Camel (look it up).
"East of Eden" - 1952
The Sound and the Fury - Faulkner.
But don't worry.
the non-trivial aspects are all yours.
We'll be like/as...
Fuck your similes.

If you're awesome write back.

We start now.

Some people just get right to the point. No time for grammar. We start now.


Craig's List - Portland - m4w


be my bitch. be $18 to $22

be my bitch and I be ur sugar daddy. I'm handsome and clean. send a face picture or a myspace link. say something about the WEATHER so i know ur not spam mail. we start now. be cute and in shape, white and no drugs.

Feels good to be a gangsta

too bad it doesn't teach you how to spell.

Craig's List - Portland - m4w

young natino gangster lookin for suga mamma - 21

Frist of all i love to please and take care of my woman.As long as im taken care of.I like the finier thing's in life an dont worrie lady's age ant nothing but a number.I love fine dinning an travling an i love to party an have fun.All my frends tell im the funest person to kick it whith cuz im always keeping the party going.Just going to school an moven forword in my life so hit me up!.................................please have pictures

I wonder what school he is going to. Does 1st grade have an age limit?

Remember: Vader was seduced by the dark side.

Don't worry - there's so much more to devil worship than human or animal sacrifice.




Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w




Are you a walker of the dark side? - 35


Are you a woman who walks in darkness? Does black magic, devil worship, and generally working and walking with the dark forces appeal to you? Do you feel a true calling to what many see as the evil side of life or spirituality?


I walk that path too and I want to talk to you. I am a 35 year old generational Theistic Satanist looking for a woman who understand what being truly devoted to the Dark Master means. I'm not someone who's playing at evil or who's enticed by the darkness that the upcoming Halloween holiday holds. I walk the dark side every day. Satan has been a part of my life since I was 9 years old and I have no plans of turning away anytime soon.


If you are a true dark worker; someone who embraces her darkness and revels in it; someone who understands that Satan and the darker side isn't about animal or human sacrifice or 'playing; with magic, I invite you to contact me. I think we'll have a lot to talk about.

There's an abbreviation for everything!

Reminds me of Tobias on Arrested Development and all the other never-nudes out there.


Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


CFNM - Do you know what this means? Look inside.

CFNM means Clothed Female Naked Man. Have you ever thought of having someone be semi naked,totally naked or just wearing something you want on him while you are fully clothed? I have. It would be fun. I am white, tall, slender. I am easy to get along with. I would be willing to submit to your ideas. You can have me indoors or take my outdoors somewhere and have me all for yourself. I am open for your ideas.

Interesting wording

Turned bi? How do you "turn" bi?


Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w


Any women into bi guys? - 36

So here's the deal: I was just turned bi not too long ago and have been adjusting to it. Since I'm new to the area its been difficult to meet people and now the bi thing has made it seemingly impossible to find an ideal woman. So at this point I am looking for an intelligent, outgoing woman to spend good times with who can also accept what happened to me or, perhaps better, have fun with it. If you think that might be you, or if you're up for a change of pace, please get back to me.



What "happened to" him? He had sex with a dude. Is that something that just happens to someone? Oh sorry, your dick accidentally went inside of me. But ladies, it was just an accident! Lame-o. Be who you are, don't try to downplay it or act like it just happened by mistake.

It's Fetish Time!

So many fetishes, so little time!

_________________________________
Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


100 dollars for a woman to fart in my face - 28

I am looking for a woman to fart in my face. There would not be any physical contact. If this interests you, please contact me.

_________________________________
Craig's List - San Francisco - m4m


Dirty Barefooter Bottom Seeks Top w/ Dirty Foot Fetish

Do you like barefoot boys with dirty soles? I'm cute hwp late 30s look younger. Sometimes I like to spend a whole day out in public in my bare feet. It's an exhibitionist thing, attracts a lot of attention, good and bad and there's a risk of running into someone I know so it's exciting for me. I especially like when it's obvious that someone with a foot fetish is getting really turned on by seeing me barefoot in crazy public places like Market St, bart, the airports, shopping malls, bars and clubs; maybe somewhere in your neighborhood? The more out of place it is the hotter it is and it makes me really horny too.

When I finally get home, I love how my soles are filthy nasty and full of street grime. It's a badge of barefooting honor and I usually admire it for a while before I wash them back to their pristine pink softness. The whole process, public barefooting, dirty feet, the cleansing process, it all gets me really hot and I start wondering if there are any naughty top guys out there who get a throbbing bone by watching a barefoot guy in public slapping his soft soles on the hard sidewalk and getting his sexy feet all filthy? If this kind of thing turns you on, let me know!

If we end up meeting in person, you should know that I'm not into guys' feet, and it probably won't involve sex at first. If it does evolve into sex I'm a total bottom, semi-submissive, and I'm not really that into the dom role myself. But that can all be negotiated later if it comes to that. For now, I want to know about your public barefoot voyeurism and filthy dirty foot fetish!



____________________________________

Craig's List - Orange County - m4w


Any Girls want to Pee!

I was wondering if there is a Girl out there who would love to Pee on a Guy? I got this fetish. I love to have a girl pee on me in my mouth. While I eat her out. It turn me on? Are u out there?
Serious only!!

____________________________________

Craig's List - Sacramento - w4m


give me my pic fetish! - 24

hi!
)
my name is gena and i have a fetish that few guys like to help me out with: i love big cocks with neck ties around them. i don't know why, but i do. i've attached a pic of myself in exchange...please email me pics of your hard cocks with ties on them ;-
____________________________________

The Melon Man

I just love the picture. As if the title didn't explain what this guy wants.


Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


Busty Girl Wanted

Are you out there?
If so please respond with your photo.
Looking for someone very cute and sweet.
Oh yeah did I mention BUSTY?
Are you available tonight?






Did he mention BUSTY? Only juicy melons for him, no grapes or oranges.

Sunset Boulevard fans look no further!

If only there was a picture with this ad...


Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


Former Rabbi Turned Gloria Swanson Impersonator (WHO KNEW??)

Former Rabbi Turned Gloria Swanson Impersonator, i do scenes from Sunset Boulevard and her silent films as well. i hate shaving my legs but a boys got to eat, i mean nosh, kosher of course.

I hope you had a great Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

please send a picture and don't forget to read your Torah Portions, now where is my mascara as well as my foundation?

The next update we will get from him "PRINCE RAEL HEREBY ENTERS THE PSYCHIATRIC WARD"


Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w, m4m, m4wm


PRINCE RAEL HEREBY SUMMONS HIS SAM HAIN RETINUE - 40





HEAR YE NOW:

Warrior Prince Rael of Tiamat Arcturus now assembles his Bacchanalian retinue for imminent Sam Hain Festivities in the wood known as West Holly.

Nobles and Ladies art welcome to join the good Prince in his merrymaking, debauchery and assorted other intemperances. Kindly messenger thy salutations and entreaties to the Prince’s cleric, including thy portrait and letters of introduction.

Knaves, Fops, Wenches and Harlots: send a parchment depicting thyself and scrawl out thy entreaties and solicitations to the Prince, if thou hast any learning.

All the sad ones lately

Not really the way to get a girl to like you. It's not really as fun of a date when you are hiding the butter knife at dinner and every conversation ends with "don't do it."


Craig's List - Los Angeles - m4w


DEPRESSED AND SOMEWHAT SUICIDAL. ARE YOU FEELING THE SAME WAY?


I'M AN UNEMPLOYED SALES MANAGER, I USE TO HAVE ALOT OF MONEY AND NEARLY BROKE
I FEEL USELESS EVEN THOUGH I'M VERY SMART (SO THEY SAY)

I DON'T THINK I'LL KILL MYSELF BUT I THINK ABOUT IT ALOT. MY DAYS ARE SPENT WORKING OUT WHICH I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR YEARS, LOOKING FOR WORK, WATCHING TV ETC. MAYBE I NEED A BIG HUG, I DON'T KNOW

I'M TALL, HANDSOME, NICE BODY...

IF YOU ARE IN THE SAME BOAT OR NOT THEN FEEL FREE TO RESPOND, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.


I wouldn't make fun of something like this, but I think he is full of it and using an emotional approach to get women. Look how he describes himself - "handsome" "nice body," etc. If you are really down you are also not stroking your ego in the same thought.

This one is just sad

I just feel bad for this girl. She should set her standards a little higher.


Craig's List - San Diego - w4m


lie to me - 34

So, I have decided that I don't need to be in love; I just want to believe I am in love. Lie to me. Tell me I am pretty. Make me feel special. Act like I am the woman you've always wanted. In return, I will look at you with stars in my eyes. I will fuck you. I will do your laundry and even cook.

Who's in?

Keepin' the "ho" in "home"

This is a special post for "No wonder you're single"; She isn't single. Some guy had the gall to bring this "lady" home to meet his mother.

From OkCupid:

My Self-Summary
HAPPILY MARRIED and enjoy the company of a tender woman and sometimes a cool couple to hang out with. ONLY INTERESTED IN SINGLE or BI-LADIES FOR FREAKY FRIENDSHIP AND NOTHING MORE... I AM HAPPILY MARRIED. I'm looking for a female wanting to join in with a couple to spice things up in the bedroom for us. NO MEN IF YOU WOO OR CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY I WILL BLOCK YOU. If your a female not into men than let me know we can maybe work out a way where hubby can just watch if you like. WE ARE mostly looking for a female open to letting the hubby watch or you can play along with the both of us, have a great time, and WE PROMISE you wont be sorry:)
What I’m doing with my life
Blessed.... Enjoying IT.... Living it to the Fullest.... Got a man that can lay it and turned the quite girl-next-door into a pure FREAK!!!! I'm WELL taken care of in EVERY WAY so don't need any flattery.
I’m really good at
Making people beg... Causing arguments because he/she's staring at me... Being the central focus of wet dreams and pillow talk for couples... Keeping hubby hooked, locked, and loaded... Being the living example of a dream-cum-true WIFE. And KEEPING that innocent look in the street and that FULL BLOODED FREAK persona in the bedroom!!!
The first things people usually notice about me
My Chocolate... My Lips... My Ass... My breast... My sensual eyes... My wedding ring... My 6'2" husband staring down at them!
The six things I could never do without
My kids... My Husband... My dildos... My faith... My K/Y... My husbands d!ck in my mouth! No need to play pretty... I know why we're on here and it's for that and NOTHING ELSE...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Finding the right nubian lady to be a friend, a lover, a voyeur, a good Pu$$i eater, a pleaser, a moaner, a third-party participant...
On a typical Friday night I am
Naked... 69... Gagging... Sweaty... Panting... in total Bliss!
You should message me if
You meet the requirements of the above. DDD free... Seriously bout' IT... Have a vagina, breast, have a period, and use the lady's restroom when you need to piss.

Zombie Love

You mean this bachelor isn't prize enough? There are actually other prizes?




Craig's List - Reno - m4w


Zombie Love Saught. Prizes Galore!

I am looking for a female zombie to join me for dinner at Blue Moon Pizza and a viewing of Zombieland this Friday!
If chosen for this gruesome night of brains and pepperoni the rewards will be Extravagant and aplenty!

First prize will be the novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame Smith. Nothing makes brains more delicious then when they have been exposed to classics gone bad!
The Second will be a lady zombie finger puppet to match my male zombie to help us interact our favorite scenes after the movie or over a scrumptious pizza. More red sauce please!
The Third and "Grand" prize will be the evening spent with the freshly dead and quite comely newly risen "Fresh From His Grave" gentleman. Me!

This fine undead bachelor has not only a job, but a car as well for those quick jaunts to the mall (for brains) or to journeys lonely abandoned houses full of unsuspecting teenagers (for brains). Let's face it. We no longer have the necessary coordination for riding bikes and the rigor mortis that has set in my left leg has left my shuffle a slow and cumbersome event to behold.
Although my complexion has been described as pallid (by the coroner) I am height (5'9" without rotting dress shoes) weight proportionate with a smile that has been expertly pinned there by my excellent mortician.

What I seek from the hungry horde of female zombinas is this. Your funny bone must be completely intact. No broken, missing, or putrefied funny bones need apply. I slaver best when in the company of female undead who don't have an excess of flesh. Most of it rot off or placed sparingly in the right places with string or staples by your local mortician is best. You also must be alone in this afterlife but hunger for someone to make your coffin (or dirt hole in graveyard) a bit more comfy.

Finally, you are only eligible for a chance to win this contest if you message back with a picture. I understand it is hard to work a camera when the flesh has left your fingers only bones sinew, but I am sure you can persuade your local gravedigger or fiend to do you a favor and snap a shot or two. Thank you kindly, and best of luck!

Ex-Felons need love too

There seem to be a lot of felon/ex-felons in or near Reno...


Craig's List - Reno - m4w


Ex felon looking for a good time - 27

I'm 27 and recently was released from prison after 4+years. Just looking for a hot girl(s) who want to hook up. I like exotic looking women, dark hair, white/hispanic/asian. No strings attached. I've been horny for years and I'm ready to show it. If this sounds like a situation you're interested in please send a picture of yourself along w/contact info. Thanks.


At least you know this guy will be eager to please.

Interesting approach

Usually personals ads have a straightforward approach: I am looking for this this and this and not interested in that that or that. Well this guys twists up the game a bit. I'll him creativity points, but that's about all the points he is getting from me.


Craig's List - Austin - m4w


Casting Call

I am now casting for the long running reality show, "Life with Jason". I am currently taking applications for female roles. To apply.. just send a message to me here.

There are not many requirements. I ask that you be a woman. Since I am only casting for female roles. So you must not have a shlong. Never have had a shlong. And never have thought about getting a shlong. Well... I guess it is alright if you have thought about it. But you can't have ever actually did the research. Ok... I guess it is alright just as long as you never have gone to see the doctor about it. Well... I guess that is even alright. Just as long as you don't have a shlong right now. Or ever had.

There are spots open for all kinds. All races. With all beliefs and customs. And all species... well... not all species. Exceptions can be made... if you are a well mannered monkey or just about any animal that has a firm grasp on the english language. Then please apply. Don't apply if you are an animal that will get us kicked out of places. Unless the reason for the boot is you got caught sticking KY jelly and Magnum condems in sweet lil old ladies baskets at HEB. That would be so cool.

A little about the star. He is a 35 year old single white male. Never been married. Doesn't have any children. He owns his truck and rents his home. He makes a damn good living at what he does. He considers hisself witty, charming, and a must have for those of you women that collect men!!!!

Several spots are still open. Including the best female friend. The shoulder to cry on. Arm candy, and the leading lady. Act quickly because spots must be cast very soon.


This reality show sounds boring. I'd rather watch my grandma knit a sweater than this guy's life.

We are a bit surprised!

Craig's List - Austin, TX - m4w

You might be a bit surprised


I am looking for someone fugly. The fuglier the better. Don't get me wrong. I would love to find someone that I am attracted to. Both in personality and looks. But I am giving up.... I like going to Wal Mart at 2 o'clock in the morning and impulse shopping. Starting with you in the basket. And ending with both of us being escorted out for a silly string fight in Electronics!?!?! Most hotties are too worried about what people will think the next time they try to go in that store.
I also want my women to challenge me. Not be subservant. Don't agree with me simply because you want me to feel more like a man. Put me in my place. Tell me off in front of my, your, and our friends. Make sure that I am who you want me to be. A lot of the good looking ones must think that they can just find someone better instead of going thru the hassle of that.
I could go on forever.
Comfy in my t-shirt. Even if it doesn't shape to your fit body.
Going a day without making yourself up. No matter who we might see.
Burping while playing a drinking game.
Drinking out of the milk jug.
I mean.. I want a woman that is real and not pretend. And it has just been my experience that the better looking they are. The more fake they are. So I want an fugly one. Moles with hair growing out of them is a plus. Clothes shopping at Lane Bryant will definately score you extra points. If you losing your virginity at age 25 was not your choice then you are definately the one for me.
Hurry up. You know you are out there. One last thing. I don't want to get sued by any groups. So the good looking ones can send me messages too. Just know.. you are already behind. You must be able to answer 4 out of 5 Friday the 13th/Nightmare on Elm Street questions(kinda like true false... you just have to identify which movie series the actor I named was in). And you must be able to tell me the ranks of hands in poker. Those are just for the better looking ones. The fugly girls don't need to worry about the test.


I like how the smartness of a woman is tested by t/f questions about Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. Guess his standards are not that high after all.

Don't care to prove him wrong.

I just love the picture on this.


Craig's List - Austin - m4w

Black girls do it better......Wanna prove me wrong?





Yeah...you know what i mean..I just have not found that Latina or White girl that can ''work it''..lol..No,I am not looking for a one night stand or a friends with benefits sort of crap......I would like to know if there are any Latinas or white girls that would like to start a relationship..I am athletic....social drinker..non smoker..Latino...