Sunday, October 4, 2009

Zombie Love

You mean this bachelor isn't prize enough? There are actually other prizes?

Craig's List - Reno - m4w

Zombie Love Saught. Prizes Galore!

I am looking for a female zombie to join me for dinner at Blue Moon Pizza and a viewing of Zombieland this Friday!
If chosen for this gruesome night of brains and pepperoni the rewards will be Extravagant and aplenty!

First prize will be the novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame Smith. Nothing makes brains more delicious then when they have been exposed to classics gone bad!
The Second will be a lady zombie finger puppet to match my male zombie to help us interact our favorite scenes after the movie or over a scrumptious pizza. More red sauce please!
The Third and "Grand" prize will be the evening spent with the freshly dead and quite comely newly risen "Fresh From His Grave" gentleman. Me!

This fine undead bachelor has not only a job, but a car as well for those quick jaunts to the mall (for brains) or to journeys lonely abandoned houses full of unsuspecting teenagers (for brains). Let's face it. We no longer have the necessary coordination for riding bikes and the rigor mortis that has set in my left leg has left my shuffle a slow and cumbersome event to behold.
Although my complexion has been described as pallid (by the coroner) I am height (5'9" without rotting dress shoes) weight proportionate with a smile that has been expertly pinned there by my excellent mortician.

What I seek from the hungry horde of female zombinas is this. Your funny bone must be completely intact. No broken, missing, or putrefied funny bones need apply. I slaver best when in the company of female undead who don't have an excess of flesh. Most of it rot off or placed sparingly in the right places with string or staples by your local mortician is best. You also must be alone in this afterlife but hunger for someone to make your coffin (or dirt hole in graveyard) a bit more comfy.

Finally, you are only eligible for a chance to win this contest if you message back with a picture. I understand it is hard to work a camera when the flesh has left your fingers only bones sinew, but I am sure you can persuade your local gravedigger or fiend to do you a favor and snap a shot or two. Thank you kindly, and best of luck!

1 comment:

  1. OK, I'm admitting this here, but you can't tell anyone.

    I would probably date that guy. He's cute enough (although I generally disapprove of taking one's picture in THE BATHROOM) and clearly has a kick-ass sense of humor. And it's kind of nice to read a creative ad that's not all about how uber-hunky he is and how he's super into boobs and asses.

    I am a little grossed out by the combo of pepperoni and brains. But that might just be because I'm not dead yet.