Somehow he has accessed a computer

Long but worth the read. I was going to edit it down, but I don't want you blaming me for this guy not making any sense. It's all him.



Craig's List - Houston - m4w


christian - 43

Is it improper to be homeless and still believe God to meet his future wife?

I am not ashamed to be homeless because I was laid off from three jobs in a row and so I had to figure out our economy.

Our country has fallen and we have not listened to our founding fathers.

22:28 Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set.

thomas Jefferson said, "The central bank(Federal Reserve) is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the forms and principals of our constitution. If the american people ever allow a private bank to issue our currency our children will wake up homeless."

You see the federal Reserve lowers interest rates flooding our economy with money. Why? Because people borrow it in to our country."

So what does God say about borrowing?

Deuteronomy 28 says, "If it comes to pass that you hear my voice and obey me commands then blessed you will be you will lend to many nations and not borrow."

You see we are a borrowing nation. We dont trust the Lord so we borrow to get what we want.

Henry Ford said, "If the american people understood our banking system there would be a revolution by tomorrow mourning." Why did he say that?

Banks counterfiet money. Thats right its called fractional reserve banking. They can loan out 10 times more than what they have in reserves.

This is why they fail it is dishonest. So because of this system america voted in the federal Reserve. like people like government. American borrow now we have a government that borrows.

God said, "If it comes to pass that you do not hear my voice and obey my commands then cursed you will be. the stranger that is in your midst(federal reserve) will rise high above you he will lend to you and you will not lend to him and this curse will pursue you til you are destroyed."

So america does not listen to Gods voice and we have removed our fathers landmarks. Our fathers warned us of the central bank and we didnt understand.

I dont know when and how I am going to get out of this homeless position. I do know one thing, God told me I was going to do a lot of walking, be a good pastor and have a beautiful marriage.

If there is any woman that doubts my understanding go tell your dad about me and ask him if I know what I am talking about. God has given me alot of insight in the area of government and I have experienced much of wisdom.

Gigolo FAIL

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

just a gigilo - 22

lonely ladies your prayers have been answered.

this young stud will keep you company on a special evening promising entertainment and satisfaction.

donations will be accepted to help for the holiday season. so sugar mama's, this is your shot.

if interested, respond and we shall go from there

I was just ummm reading your shirt

Craig's List - Austin, TX - m4w


WTD: Woman with FAKE BOOBS

Would love to find a cute single slender woman with big fake boobs between the age of 28 and 38 that likes to drink GOOD beer, has some brains, and likes to have fun.


I'm a stable (full time job), good looking guy, that likes to have fun--living in 78704

Serious replies only!!!

SEND A FACE PICTURE----NO PICTURE=NO RESPONSE BACK FROM ME!


It rained all day Sunday in Austin--been a decent day today.

Owning a beer maid costume gets you big time bonus points

Reformed strippers welcome.
Sorry, but single mom's are not acceptable.
DON'T BE SHY!!!


p.s. slender girls with big REAL boobs will be considered.



We got the message dude. Boobs, real or fake. The bigger the better. No worries about personality, commonalities, future building. Sounds like a winner to me!

Bagpipes and Break-Ups and Disaster, Oh My!

Craig's List - New Orleans - m4w

LOOKING FOR A DISASTROUS 3-6 MONTH RELATIONSHIP! - 54 ((RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!))

Hi there, I'm seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Terry, I live in New Orleans, La, I'm well educated, play the bagpipes, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I'm told I'm fairly good looking, but I'll let you be the judge of that from the pictures I've posted up - I'm generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we're lucky - both!

You should:
* be 30 to 55 years old; *
have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:
* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I'm getting excited just writing them!), please don't hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best, Terry

ps This advert is in recognition of the big neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can see except me.

Timmmmay

Craig's List - Savannah - m4w

Handicapped? - 22

Im looking for a hearing impaired girl, or an amputee.
Lets hang.
Also, plz be hot.
Send pics.


Why one or the other? What if she is both? Is that considered hitting the jackpot if she is missing a limb and can't hear?

A proposition, but not really THE proposition

So much wrong here. He uses flowers in the title. This ad is not one about love or anything that should have flowers. Read on, you will see what I mean. He's talking about a place where the sun don't shine. No flowers there!


Craig's List - Atlanta - m4w

❀❀The Proposition❀❀ - 35

I know this is the wrong section for this request but figured what the hell. My girl won't give me anal sex. This ad is a request for a female that will. I'm not looking for a relationship just a woman that will give me anal when I want it. I prefer this to be an ongoing encounter and not a one night stand. YES, I will even dish out the dead presidents just as long as it's a reasonable fare for us both. So if this interests you and you can be discreet and know how to handle it in your butt then you need to contact me as I am only looking for ONE female! Sorry absolutely NO BBW's or any women over 160 pounds.

Ugh another poet.

Some advice for those placing personals. Don't try too hard to come off smarter than you are. This is the easiest thing to spot. Especially when the personals ad is put into poetry form. This time I will present you with a haiku - courtesy of reader Anonymous and whoever placed this lovely ad.


Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


a/s/l? 39/m/usa, swm, vgl, ddf, nsa, fwb...

Internet intros...
Facts and figures can't describe
Who we truly are

My words caught your eye
What might these *sparks* of intrigue
ignite? Let's find out...

Take a chance, shall we?
Like minds can bridge the abyss
Strangers become friends

My haiku greeting
Can simple words say enough
to inspire your reply?

The Grammar girl's nightmare

Looking For The Right Woman - 30 (New Orleans)
Date: 2009-11-05, 3:31PM CST



my name is danny i am a single 30 male from new orleans i just turned 30 i am 5'8 black hair brown eyes my nationalty is philpino and irish i am a 36-30 in pants i wear extra large t shirts size 10 in mens shoes. i weigh about 215 i am medium average i like sports i like to watch foot ball and hockey vase ball not as much same goes for basket ball my family grew up watching wrestling i have neices and nephews i dont smoke or drink witch is a plus i am a gentle man i do have a myspace i like to go out doors alot i like to play pool bowl have fun i am a goffy guy with good personality and great sence of humor



Does he want this girl to make him some clothes? What's with the stats? I think there are a lot of girls out there that would like a goffy, illiterate 30 year old. Besides, he has a good personality. It hasn't reached its expiration date yet.

Once again, submitted by reader Anonymous. This guy could have turned this long ad into one sentence: "I'm looking for a girlfriend who I can love as much as I love video games. Oh and I hate sports, even when they are in my video games." By the way, the quote is from Metal Gear Solid, which is (surprise, surprise) a video game!


Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield? - 26

If you know the source of that quote (without Googling it), I totally wanna marry you! ;) Only half-kidding about that.

I'm a huge videogame nerd, looking for a cool nerd girl hang out with and to play and chit-chat about videogames with. I'm into all kinds of games (except for sports games—nothin' wrong with them, but they're just not my style), be they on console (yes, I actually have a Wii, a 360, and a PS3), handheld (PSP n DS both accounted for, n to be honest both getting more playtime than everything else combined!) or on the PC. Some of my all-time faves include: Another World, Grim Fandango (can't wait for Brütal Legend to come out!), Ico, Deus Ex, Sonic Adventure, Metal Gear Solid 3, the Half-Life series, Final Fantasy XII and my current obsession, Monster Hunter Freedom: Unite.

Bonus points if you're into science fiction & fantasy (I like: Pterry, Michael Moorcock, Neal Stephenson, China Miéville), comics (total Grant Morrison fanboy here, also love Warren Ellis, Alan Moore, Naoki Urasawa & Eiichiro Oda) n animation (love anime, but I'm also an old-school Disney fan—am cautiously excited about "The Princess & the Frog").

If what I've written resonates with you, drop me a line!

Translation please?

Thanks again to Anonymous for this submission. I know it is a bit long, but this guy is the BEST storyteller around (and by best I mean most ridiculous). So it is definitely worth the read!


Craig's List - Singapore - m4w


AY SEE HERE LAH, I AM BERI GOOD CATCH YOU KNOW! - 888 (SINGAPORE LAH)

Eh, this is Ah Kao. You noe huh, I am singapore number one man you know. I beri handsum one leh. Erytime I go out jio ja bor ah, they all say i suai one leh. woah, now hor, i decide ai ya let you all woomen get little bit chance on suai man like me lah. on this website hor, craigslist huh, no one here more handsome and smart like me leh.. yeah lah, i also beri smart one lah, not only good looking some more. last time hor when i primy skool huh, my teecher say i so smart then she give me prize leh. she say my knor..now...nolege of science very the powderful you know. its true one, true one. so me, ah kao, can tell you all about sciense when we go out jalan jalan/gai gai. see! I multilingual one leh! that means i know many many different talking. guy like me, hai, where to find liao? no more already lah i tell you really.

okay lah, you all eemail me back okayh, then i choose one of you to be my girlflen, like pokemon like that hahaha you see i so funny also, how to find huh you tell me.

okay lah, you also must got critelia one lah, i cannot all funny funny people apply, later i kenna bluff then lose face then my ah kao fren all laugh at me i pai seh leh. cannot cannot.
critelia is hor, you must sexy sexy abit lah. like i see already my nose explode then very good okay. but i also like fat fat one you know, because i sleep hor, sometimes no pillow so i just sleep on the fat fat woman hor, very shiok you know anot! cannot tahan, i must go pcc already think of fat girl make me so xsaited.

okay okay, eryone can apply lah hor? if send photo hor, i also give you mai one lah okay? i very fair one, i dai long what, you know dai long is what?

also hor, i tell you a story lah okay. that time i got one girlfren lah, she quite the pretty one lah, then hor she want to put my pee-pee in her mouth leh! aiyoh so disgusting you know anot. people mouth got so many germ, i also scared lah. so hor, i try to change subject lah, i talk to her about meedle east lah, like america hor want to attack Iraq only because they want to help kuwait mah, they got invest in kuwait of course must protect lah, so america is not pai lang what, right or not you tell me?

okay lah i go liao i go liao, you all must email back huh, dont forget leh.

Signing off, Dai Lou.